The Moving Parts of a Trans Woman

This post is actually a Cyrsti's Condo "archive post" from 2013:

Disclaimer! I shop for two things I use to ship my Etsy and Ebay items from a certain leading big box store which I feel has done more to destroy the inner fabric of America than any other.  I refer to them as the "Nazi's" and I buy regionally produced cardboard boxes at literally pennies on the dollar and Scotch Tape. I literally can't find what I need anywhere else and even I can't resist the price.

This morning as I went to the shipping section at the Nazi's (Walmart), I had a rare chance to see two women in my town at the same time who made the almost "beautiful" category.  First of all, I am and have been a "student" of women. I have said and written many times on how long it took me to figure out why I didn't have a sexual attraction to genetic females per se' but wanted so badly to be one. To have the hair flowing in the breeze, to be able to fill out a tight pair of jeans or shirt without padding.

This morning I mentally stopped to consider the many moving parts a woman has to contend with and how I was checking them down in my mind- and finally how did all of this relate to me a transgender woman on HRT.

Obviously, I don't live in Hollywood or down in Miami where all the very beautiful people are. Actually, I don't fare too badly with the lot of genetic women around here who do nothing for themselves physically. So I don't know if that is good or bad.

Plus a woman's look is like a poker hand. You hold some good cards like breasts, hair or legs but lose the hand in other areas like face or proportion.  If you care, naturally you try to build up the positives and bluff the opponent into thinking you have the winning hand.

You know I have heard seemingly 16 zillion times from my genetic women friends "welcome to our world".  I know it's all in good fun but sometimes I don't think they realize I'm a "A"  student of their world and loving to finally get some on the job training.

A big part of the training is knowing "parts is not parts" when you are talking about a woman.  Any sort of skill I can acquire in the big picture furthers the success of my "moving parts".

Flattered

Last night quite unexpectedly, I received a call from a close friend of mine. As it turned out, after exchanging pleasantries, he blurted out his brother had came out as transgender to the shock of many in his family.

He simply asked if I would talk to his new sister if she wanted. Of course I said yes and I began to pass along some ideas. For example I asked how much his sister has been physically out in public and what did the majority of the family think. Whatever the case, it does take a certain amount of the people time to process the change and quite frankly, some may never will.

But, first and foremost I told him to tell her to get in contact with any local LGBT resources (if there were any.) From there she could discover any support groups if needed. From there, we went on to talk about the actual act of a MtF gender transition and how most all of us take a quite similar but different path. Plus, one of the more concise definition of a trans coming out was recently passed along to us by Paula, which would have been nice to quote had I read it yet. I still might if she contacts me! Here is the quote:

"Paula GoodwinNovember 27, 2017 at 7:00 AM

I have often observed that coming out is a process not an event, in a similar way I now coming to believe that Transitioning is a life not a process. I am constantly finding new things about my chosen life, not simply the physical changes but in many ways the mental and social changes are more dramatic.

I am now looking forward to the rest of my life and all the changes expected and unexpected."

Thanks Paula, I agree once you think you have experienced all the changes, an unexpected one comes along. I equate the process to my very early cross dressing days when I was trying to negotiate a new pair of high heeled pumps in a mall. My new found "gracefulness" became bruised and battered when one of my heels became stuck in a sidewalk crack. Lesson learned, the hard way.

At any rate, I hoped the conversation did my friend some good. I was flattered and humbled he chose me to talk to.

Transition by Definition?

Several years ago, we ran a post here in Cyrsti's Condo called Beyond Transition. At that time I mentioned I had a few more thoughts to share on the matter.  I was curious to see how many (if any) of my ideas had changed over the years:

"Beyond Transition" is a huge idea to be sure. I look at transition as a passage from point "a" to point "b".  When I look at the transgender community as a whole, does anyone ever really get to point "b"? My only point of reference is when I'm out with friends and I lose any sense of gender. I simply just am who I am. Have I transitioned, am I done? Am I the same as a transsexual woman who has gone through SRS and lives her life with no fanfare down your street? Could be...or not.

Although I have not had the surgeries the trans woman down the street has had, would her transition qualify as being more complete?  Probably not. In essence if either of us is facing taking estrogen till the day we die, we are still transitioning.  Perhaps the only defining separation is one of us is determined to talk about our life to hopefully lend some guidance to others - the other not and that's fine too.

On the other hand transitioning does imply a certain series of events.  The external move from gender "a" to "b" is very clear. You decide you need to change to live, you begin to socialize yourself in your non birth gender, you decide you want to ingest chemicals into your body to further the process and you go "under the knife" to complete any physical changes you may deem necessary. This black and white process looks very good on paper and especially works well with a male mind but often runs into problems with the mental processes.

In my case, some would assume I already have the problems with my mental processes, so it's been damn difficult on occasion to sort out what is coming from where.  An example is years ago on my first visit to a "gender therapist", she asked if I had any problems with my cross dressing. I said no but I did have problems on the effect it was having on my marriage.  To make a long expensive story short, the only good result of the visits was that she diagnosed me with a very clear bi-polar disorder.

So I guess MtF transitioning is in the mind of the beholder.  The TS woman down the street may be "snug as a bug in the rug" in her stealth life.  On the other hand, I don't think I have ever been snug at anything. If the river is calm, bring me a boat to rock to see if I can tip it in my heels. Plus I hope I never lose the wonder of where this life has taken me.

Years ago when Uncle Sam let me go after three glorious years, I was discharged at Ft. Dix in New Jersey where my car was waiting from Germany.  I threw my duffel bag in the back seat of my 1973 VW Beetle and headed home to Ohio.  The next morning was clear, blue and beautiful when I got onto the Pennsylvania turnpike.  Just for a split second at a toll booth on a hill and had a chance to look at the road in the valley ahead. What a rush of freedom it was!  I thought I would never have a chance to reclaim that moment again but guess what - I'm close. Never say never.

So I guess my transition will only end when I depart this life and I look back and think how crazy it was that being transgender was so earth shattering. I will get back to you on that!