Fear and Loathing???

A couple days ago, I began a process I have actually been putting off for years...probating a couple properties I have held on to from my past.

I chose an attorney pretty much at random, preferring only one of female persuasion. For some reason I felt I would have a lesser chance of running into transgender bias with another woman.

Before I went into the office, I was scared to death. Not so much because of presenting trans, but of the whole process. The end result ideally could result in selling both properties and totally getting rid of the part of my life I have been dreading.

I was so scared, it brought back memories of my first journey out to a restaurant as a woman I have written about several times. It was so bad, I thought I was going to need an oxygen tank in case I fainted. After I made it though, I never thought my life would ever come to this.

Which leads me to this point. Many people ask me about the highs and lows of a transgender transition. My answer is simple, consider what would be the toughest hill to climb as a trans woman, then try to do it. My personal example was buying a part in an auto parts store.

When I look back at my life though, nothing would have prepared me for what I have been through now. Scared? Yes! Determined? Certainly! I would not trade where I am now for anything.

Not even an oxygen tank!

Freedom

Just when I received all the unwanted attention I could take from LGBT hostile rednecks, I landed back in my decidedly more liberal home ground and I garnered no attention at all, or, too much of a positive nature.

Going back to the drawing board, so to speak, it was hot last weekend and I decided to pull my hair back and go without my glasses. Seemingly all of my adjustments worked to perfection as I encountered no problems. Whether or not the changes had that much effect or not is open to debate as (like I wrote), I was operating in friendly territory.

At any rate, the weekend did wonders for my confidence too and as we all know, presenting successfully takes a lot of confidence. Humans are sharks and if they don't detect blood in the water, many times they won't even notice you.

I did have one grocery bagger kid who wanted to talk and talk, which I did, plus the restaurants we went to (per norm) saw me as being green, for my money.

Whatever the case, even at this point in my transgender woman life, a little confidence goes a long way, especially with the next stages of my life looming quickly.

A Different End...To a Different Story

Connie wrote in: "Just last week, I had a similar experience. 
At the gas station/convenience store I frequent, there was shaved-head, jeans and T-shirt guy staring at me the whole time I was at the pump. It was 5:00 AM, so still a bit dark. I have learned to be careful of my surroundings - actually vigilant. I left the pump to go inside where I could feel safer, and bought something I didn't need just to "justify" my actions. While I was in the store, though, the man came in to pay for his gas just before I was going to make my purchase. As I stood behind him, I felt like he must have had eyes in the back of his head, as though I was still being stared at. I felt relieved that he would be leaving the store before me, and that I could safely go back to my car....But he stopped at the door and just stood there, staring. I decided to just make a quick exit, so, with one key projecting from my closed fist I headed for the door. To my surprise and relief, however, the man opened the door for me with a big smile, saying "have a wonderful day." 

I know that my prudence was not wrong, but I had pre-judged him when he was obviously not thinking negatively about me at all. It turned out to be a reminder that I should not be as judgmental as I often condemn others for being toward me. Had I simply given this guy quick and friendly smile in the first place, I probably would have gotten one in return, and I wouldn't have found it necessary to buy that calorie-laden donut that I definitely did not need. 

I do agree, though, that staring is bad manners - but good manners are, sadly, so very rare these days. At least he opened the door for a lady!"

Thanks!

Also to Mandy :)

As it turned out my whole weekend was ready to turn around. More in a later post from this topsy turvy transgender LGBT world!