Me and My Estrogen

It's no secret one of the most powerful demarcation points of moving from cross dresser to transgender is when you take your first dosage of estrogen-be it in a pill, shot or patch.

Interestingly in our nit-picking trans community, one doesn't need the hormone at all to feel any more feminine or needs it to feel whole. (As it was for me.) So. to each their own! They may already have high doses of estrogen in their system already.

This post came to me yesterday as I was changing out my estrogen patches. As I did it, I thought back to my first doctor who subscibed me a minimum dosage with the "warning" my breasts would grow slightly and my hair a lot. Both were true and as my dosage increased so did my breast size which I estimate to be close to a "D" now. All I know my breasts define a deeper sense of feminity within me which I assume is normal with a cis woman too. Also, psychological or not, I feel a sense of having an emotional "period" if I miss a dose of estrogen.

I remember too, the less than intelligent comment I got from one guy who said he wished he could grow his breasts too, so he could play with them. Some comments just never go away like I was just "another old guy on hormones."

The point most never realize with HRT is most of it is mental. My emotions changed as quickly and completely as my body.

I have been on this route for nearly four years now, and have never doubted it was the right move for me. I have adapted nicely to how I see the world now from a different perspective and how it sees me. 

I always felt I was mainly non passable but went ahead and lived my life anyhow. Another someone once told me I passed out of sheer will power. Once thing HRT did do for me was soften my facial features and gave me the "no turning back" kick in the rear to live a feminine life.

Now it seems, much of the world is catching up with me, especially the millenial generation and below. Most are gender blind and some even think being transgender is cool to an extent.

So, having my own hair and breasts is connecting more dots making my life easier, but again HRT is in no way is neccessary for all of us to do the same.

Still Dancin'

Connie (as she often does) has taken one of my posts and built on to it, giving it a new twist I didn't think about. Here is her latest:

"To paraphrase (with a twist) a Bible verse, "When I was a boy, I spoke as a boy, understood as a boy, and thought as a boy: But when I became a woman, I put away boyish things." I said and heard some awful things regarding women when I was overcompensating - in an attempt to cover up my feminine identity. I am so embarrassed by some of my behavior in those days. These days, I am definitely getting my pay-back for it all, though. I have been accosted countless times by men and subjected to such vile comments I never even could have conceived of in my younger days.

 I have also been touched inappropriately, and even groped a number of times by men. It seems that "no" still does not register with some of them, as if the word signals them to try harder. I'm still not sure that these men would say the same things to a cis woman, in that they may be confusing gender with sex - as if I were a gay man dressing up as a woman in order to attract them. It doesn't matter, however, as nothing would make their behavior acceptable. All of these incidents have taken place in public places, so I have been relatively safe physically. The emotional wounds are hard enough to deal with, though, and it all causes me to be on guard much of the time. The thing that really bothers me is that I am often initially flattered by the attention, even when I sense that the advance will end up being far from flattering. That is the fine line I walk, I suppose."

I am fairly sure most cis women walk that same "fine line" Connie! Most certainly since we have transistioned, we all have felt the pressure to look our best for men and women which again includes that line. Example, look sexy-not sluty or sexy not trashy.

But central to my point is the "sex vs gender" proposition which is so foreign to both genders but specifically to men as indicated by their actions.

Thanks again Connie!

Sad and To the Point

Like so many of us, I have a young transgender friend locked in two major struggles. One is internal and the other external-pressure from peers. This makes the point better than most and I decided to pass it along to all of you.