Cyrsti's Condo "Archive Post"

Monday, January 20, 2014

Pandora's Box

 I have wondered forever,  what role does an attractive cross dresser's feminine presentation play in possibly later moving her into a transgender existence? Is it similar to the worn out idea that a majority of heroin users got hooked because of marijuana? Did my first experiments with Mom's hose and underwear get me hooked, or was I just predestined to be who I am today? I believe the answer was a little of both. What caused me to open that Pandora's Box of goodies? By the way, this definition of "the box" comes from Wikipedia:  

The phrase "to open Pandora's box" means to perform an action that may seem small or innocent, but that turns out to have severe and far-reaching consequences. Certainly, the definition is correct. Little did I know how severe the gender torment I would feel during my lifetime and it's far reaching consequences. But what made me open the box?  My brother didn't and for all I know the greatest majority of male type kids in my school and town didn't. The simple answer is some sort of switch already existed in my noggin and I flipped it to "on".

Even more interesting is the number of "switches" we have ready to be turned on or off.  Why was it for me, the occasions I was told I made a better looking girl, was mistaken for one, or was made over to look like one, I felt worse about being a cross dresser a few days later. I believe now,  cross dressing never seemed to come closeto explaining my first gender switch. . Hell, I didn't have a  "switch", I had a 50 amp circuit breaker!

I flipped the breaker and got a better look into Pandora's Box. I saw all the glittering bling of new wigs, dresses and heels. They were sooooo inviting but sooooo non fulfilling.  Finally, after years of torment, I ignored the bling and went for substance and found a book called the My Little Book of Trans.  I grabbed it and found there was even an instruction guide, which of course I didn't read first. Who needs "no stinkin instructions?"

As I blissfully thumbed through the book's  pages from back to front (I'm dyslexic) I learned my obvious gender disconnect wasn't so obvious to me. I had to readbackward to  Chapter One in the "Book of Trans", to make some sense of my life as a trans woman.  A cross dresser looks like a woman, a transgender woman socializes herself as a woman and a transsexual acquires the sexual genetalia of a woman.  In addition, none of them ever become females and being a genetic female does not guarantee you're a woman.

Of course I spent 50 years fighting the crossdressing in me, five accepting the transgender spirit of my soul and no years obsessing on purchasing a store bought vagina.

At this point in my life, I have to blame my slow learning on someone, so  I'm blaming it on Pandora!  I've been known to be nothing if not persistent.  Seems as if I kept bugging our girl with the box just long enough, she got up off the "good stuff" and threw the book at me!

By the way, "My Little Book of Trans" exists only in my fertile "itty bitty" mind.

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

Street Walkin with Connie Donald, Jenner and Mo

From Connie:

"One of the street-regulars that I talk to often has mentioned to me a few times that he imagines I have trouble with people accepting me or, at the least, giving me stares and strange looks. I've told him that he is incorrect on that assumption, and the last time I did give him the explanation for it (I don't usually do that, but it had gotten to the point where he needed some education). I told him that I have so very few problems because they are not MY problems. I am confident in who I am, and I believe it shows by the way I carry myself. My God, if Donald Trump can convince so many people that he knows who he is and what he's doing (albeit through total ego tripping), why shouldn't I, a trans woman, be able to garner a degree of acceptability?

 Of course, I am not running completely on ego, as I have gone through a lot of shit to get to this point, that of humility and compassion, as well as acceptability and respectability. I don't really care how people might be labeling me, except that I'm sure many of them may change their views after even a brief encounter with me. For the most part, I pass as I pass by (or, at least, pass-able to be walking down the same street as the masses). I do not pass completely upon closer inspection, as I possess too many of the characteristics the testosterone gave me (big hands, broad shoulders, a neck that football training left too large, etc.) My voice could be a give-away many times, but I've been told that it is a low, soothing and feminine voice when talking to people face-to-face (the same sort of thing happens with my singing voice, where an audio recording may make me sound like a man singing, it works just fine when I'm performing live).

So, like Shelle, I have no desire to be noticed as trans - or a tran-ny, for sure. I try to do my best with what I've got, and I've learned to be happy with that. My confidence in who I am is what I want to be noticed for, and I'm happy with that, as well. That may be enough to reinforce someone's favorable opinion of me, or it may do a bit to change a more-bigoted person's mind in a positive way. However, I can't really control what anybody thinks - but I can control how I think... and behave."

Behave...I doubt????

FYI...one of Trump's big supporters - Caitlin Jenner's show has been cancelled. Another trans fraud back into the shadows.