I Did Not Want to Wake Up!

As I read and see all these transgender women and trans girls talk and write about always wanting to be or feeling like a girl-I wonder where did I go wrong?

Was I really a transgender "pretender" or a glorified cross dresser as many were quick to suggest?

In my "spare time" these days I seemingly am turning up more and more gender "history" on myself. First of all, let me point out I could give a rat's ass less what 99% of the people think about me. These are merely a few of my "aha" moments.

1.- Yes, I did wake up some mornings desperately wanting to be a girl.
2.- On Christmas, YES I did want girly things and not boy gifts.
3.- No, I never wanted to hunt and fish with Dad and brother (although I did later embrace fishing later.
4.-Possibly the best story is the year we went on a vacation fishing in Canada and for no reason in particular happened along another car for a stretch of highway time. In the car was a teen girl with what I considered was a beautiful head of long dark hair. I again, desperately wanted to be here. I ended up burying my head in my pillow and tried to dream about being a girl.
5.-Speaking of dreaming, yes I did have many dreams which turned out to be nightmares. I dreamed I was a girl-and woke up a boy-again.

So, there you go. i am not sure there is some sort of a transgender rating system. But that was mine. 

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

KerPlunk! Another Sunday edition is hitting your virtual front porch! We are experiencing another very "normal" summer Sunday here in Southwestern Ohio-complete with loud "thunder-boomers" in the middle of the night. For no particular reason, we are drinking our "Joe" hot (coffee) this morning. Grab a cup and let's get started.

Page One.-The Week that Was or Wasn't.- Transgender kids came front and center again-a good thing!  The TLC network (for once) featured a show which didn't feature a child molester family such as the Duggars and/or Honey Boo's Mom and promoted their upcoming trans superstar teen "Jazz Jennings"  

Page Two.- Party Girl.- This weekend was my youngest grandson's birthday. The party proved a very uneventful coming out affair for me and a very fun time for the eight year old party boy. To put it easily, I was only mispronounced once and didn't feel much different one way or another around all of them. One thing that did help though was Liz calling me Cyrsti at every turn and both using the "she" pronoun with me. Plus, in what I call the transgender coming out "ripple effect", my daughter's Sister in Law is from Cincinnati and is ready willing and able to go out with Liz and I to eat and enjoy an adult beverage. Each person who knows and embraces a trans person is where real change beings.

Page Three.- Health is everything! The best news this week for me personally was being pretty much given a clean bill of health on some of my "innards" the docs were looking at. Now, I know at 66, anything can happen but I will take any good news I can get! (Yay!)

Page Four.- The Back Page.- It's been fun kids, but today after we get moving, excitement will include, buying some more very addictive chocolate covered coffee beans, maybe try some salt and vinegar dried crickets and finally color my hair (again). As always, thanks for being my guest here in the Condo!!!! You all are the best!!! 

The Right Answer is There Isn't One

Over the years of my Mtf gender transition, I have come across many with a "it's my way-or the highway" approach to living a transgender life. Truthfully, I know along the way-I have been there too. Guilty as charged.

Recently, I have happened across a couple other bloggers who seem to facing the same problem from others.

Stana at Femulate is one and Francine at In Transition is the other. As is usually the case, Stana wrote a thought provoking personal post essentially about her life. I really don't want to describe it anymore than to say Stana talked in depth abut her life as a "feminine man" and her extensive fashion sense. I will say though, it seemed she was trying to "rationalize" all of it.  No need to!!! The world is full of feminine men and masculine women. Plus, as far as style goes, Stana and I very much fabulous examples of the opposite ends of the trans style spectrum and that's OK too!!! 

If nothing else, all the recent publicity with Caitlin Jenner, Laverne Cox and others should show the world as a transgender community we are different. And, appearance alone far from defines us.

In a similar vein was the post from Francine in which a reader asked her about the best way to come out to her family. Again, her answer was a good one. There is no right answer. Each person is different. 

The only right answer is to take care of yourself. Do your best to follow a path you can understand. Just be aware there will be many blind curves. It sounds like a clique but if you are heading the right way, your inner girl will tell you. She has all he right answers!