Girl Scout?

This morning as we were taking Liz's 90 year old Dad back to the eye surgeon, the conversation turned to her youth and then to her time as a Girl Scout-then on to other topics like why he didn't wear his National Rifle Association hat. Not exactly a card carrying liberal, but a fair guy none the less.

Recently, we have been wondering what he really thinks about me and/or my relationship with his daughter. Keep in mind, before you think I may be falling back on a sudden amazing amount of passing privilege, he is 90. But, his cataract operations are providing amazing results and now he can see me. On top of all of that Liz is not so sure of his reaction of her being with another woman-transgender or not. Or if he has a clue about me.

This morning we got an answer when he turned around in the car and asked "Cyrsti, were you in the Girl Scouts?" It was a good thing I didn't have a mouth full of coffee!  One thing is for sure, back in the day, there would have been no way I would have been allowed to even come close!

Stop the Whining Dammit!

If this wasn't my blog, I might call myself a drama queen. It is though, so I won't. However these days I find myself mired in bitchin n whining. It could be for the most part around here, we are still being teased by Momma Spring.

For instance, let's start with my hair. When I started HRT, I couldn't wait until my hair became long enough to style and I could put away wigs forever. All was good until I found the dark side of the sun. Otherwise known as the back of my head. All this time, I never gave much thought to the back of my head. Out of sight out of mind. As I progressesd I used to joke my own hair was the first I wore that I couldn't just turn around and style on a wig head. After all, I didn't want to re-enact a scene from The Exorcist horror movie. And, speaking of the movie, sometimes I think when my estrogen kicks in, my attitude may head a little to the bitchy side.

So now, as I made a quick trip to the grocery today, a brief moment of clarity hit me somewhere between baking and produce-this is what I signed up for. I wouldn't trade it for the world and waited sooooo long for it but is it really time to color my hair again?

Short Term?

I'm fond of telling friends who ask about doing something in three or four months, sure, I will be there if I am still alive! They think I am just playing around but the way I have led my life in general over the years, my life was like that anyhow. Example?  A job for me was just a minor stop heading to the next one, I needed to find out what was around the next corner. Of course these days as I try to overthink everything in my life, I have come up with a couple reasons I live my life in the 'short term'.

First, I blame my unwillingness to settle down on my gender dysphoria (because nothing I did felt completely right.) Plus, what I call my "war" years 1965-1975 were terrifically unsettling. I was either in high school worrying about getting drafted, in college running from it or in the military itself. In fact, in the last three years before discharge, I bounced back and forth between three continents.  So, I don't know, but perhaps I can blame all of that uncertainty added to my transgender self for my 'free spirited self' today.

And, speaking of free spirited, I'm trying now to come up with the 'bestest' idea ever for my third Trans Ohio workshop class this year. I am thinking now of the 'blank paper' class. Give a quick bio, pass out a piece of paper and tell everyone to write down why they are there and what do they want to know. Then threaten them-I am more than capable of talking for a hour.

I keep forgetting two things: the first of which is I do intimidate some just because I might be ahead of them in my transition and after this amount of time, I do forget the small things. One thing is for sure, I will have plenty of time between now and the end of May to change my mind. Damn, that's a long time away!