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| Image from Alexey Demindov on UnSplash. |
Perhaps you remember the Dr. John song “Right Place, Wrong Time” from 1973. In his classic style, he bemoans being in the right place at the wrong time in his life.
Sometimes I think the song could be the theme of my life. To
start with, I was born against all odds, seeing as how my parents had suffered
through three stillbirths before I came along and survived. I was in the right
place to thrive in a family who loved me, but I was in the wrong place when my
gender was determined to be male. Something I could do nothing about for many
years.
Without knowing it, I was being set up for all sorts of
embarrassing scenarios in life running from my gender truth. Examples came fast
and furious during my initial days of trying to go public with my cross-dressing
desires. Way before I acquired the knowledge to blend in with the world as a
feminine person. Being in the wrong place it seemed was a regular occurrence.
Both my male and female egos were suffering from be stared at, all the way to putting
up with out and out laughter.
At the same time, I was feeling deep down that I was in the
right place at the right time anytime I cross-dressed as a woman. I had not
realized at that time that along I was a woman cross-dressing as a man. Which
would have saved me a tremendous amount of heartbreak in my life. In the meantime,
I needed to be content with just following my gender path the best I could,
being aware of the many blind curves and stop signs I would run into. Such as
the times when I was learning the proper etiquette that I needed to use the
women’s restroom. For the most part, I did well with very little pushback except
on rare occasions I remember to this day. The worst one that I always recall
was the night a ciswoman followed me into the room and started calling me a
pervert when all I was doing was trying to do my business in piece. Fortunately,
she was the exception rather than the rule and I never had to go through
anything so dramatic such as that again. Except for the time I was on a bus
tour through the deep south with my wife Liz and we stopped at a rest stop on the
Alabama border.
I thought everything was going to be fine until I was
washing my hands and turned to face two women glaring at me. I quickly thought
that I was certainly in the wrong place until I stepped around both of them and
headed as fast as I could for the bus. I was certainly in the right place to
take care of my business and at the wrong time with those two women.
The more I went out in the world as a transgender woman, naturally,
the more chances I had to climb out on my gender limb and take chances to see
how I felt about being there. Every time I did not fall, my confidence grew
stronger to put myself in more challenging situations. In the retail world, I
got myself out of the clothing stores where I was a non-entity and went to the
world of bookstores and coffee shops to see how I was accepted. At the same
time, as I always mention, I left the gay bars I was going to all the time and
went to straight venues to see if I would find myself in the right spot at the
right time. I was overjoyed when I ended up as an accepted regular at several venues
I chose where I could enjoy everything from the music to the beer and my sports
on big screen televisions.
I was never raised to be happy or satisfied with anything I
ever did, so I was surprised at how satisfied my life was becoming when I followed
the correct gender path to becoming a full-fledged transfeminine person. Casually
living my new life, the same as any other ciswoman would do it. I even discovered
that I had been in the right place at the right time with my sexuality as I
fell into a group of women who accepted me totally and being with a man was
never anything I ever had to consider.
The more I did as a trans woman, the more I never wanted to
do again as a man, so I stopped because I began to feel so awkward on the rare occasions,
I needed to re-enter the male world I used to be so good in. In fact, I just
hated going back. Which was the time that I started to get it through my stubborn
head that I was never destined to be a man at all and my right place was as a
woman.
Once I arrived firmly
in my right place there was no turning back. Out went the old male clothes to
thrift stores and in came the daily routine of what I was going to wear in the
feminine life I always dreamed of. It had been a difficult gender journey
complete with approving and disapproving people in the world but somehow, I always
seemed to separate the haters and TERFS (Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists) out, learn from them and move on. Common sense
finally prevailed as I chose the only lane I could and stayed in it. Many times,
it was my own lack of confidence which stopped me from taking the steps I
needed to survive.
As I said, being in the wrong place at the right time did
not have to be the theme of my life unless I let it. Once I corrected a
lifetime worth of errors, I was able to see the light at the end of the tunnel,
and it was not the train. My train was still coming to take me to a transgender
dream life I never imagined I could live.
Thanks to all of you who take your precious time to read and
comment on mine. Without you, none of this would be worth it.
