Define or Refine

1940 Image of
Virginia Prince

 Refining your image in your chosen gender is always a challenge. We spend countless hours working on  and obsessing about our appearances. 

Last night I watched the documentary "Casa Susanna" on the "PBS" Network and came away impressed by many of the MtF gender transformations which were featured. The feature took me back to my days when I was first attempting to come out in the world as a woman. As far as a more complete review of the show, I will direct you to Stana's Femulate Blog where she has one. Since I remembered the oppressive days when "Casa" was active, my over-riding hope was/is we never have to go back with all the anti-LGBTQ laws which are being passed. 

I remember too the impact early transgender pioneer "Virginia Prince" had on me along with her "Transvestia" publication when she was mentioned on the show.  I know how eagerly I awaited a new edition every time it was due. After all, it was the only connection I had with others in the outside world with similar transvestite or cross dressing experiences. Reading the publication made me feel good in that there were others like me. But another factor always lingered. By looking at the featured "girls" I wanted to refine my image to possibly resemble them. I remember dedicating myself to working as hard as I could to get to my goal of being an attractive woman.  

As time went on, I followed the lead of "Transvestia" and found organizations I could actually meet with when they had mixers (or meet ups) which were close enough for me to attend. The need to meet others in person was strong and I learned many things everytime I went. First I tried to go all out with my appearance but sadly found myself lacking when I encountered the impossibly feminine "A" list women as I called them. There was no way I could come close to looking as feminine as they did so I had to settle for the next best thing, knowing I needed to work even harder to try to refine my approach. 

Of course the more I tried to refine my gender appearance, the more I wanted to try. I became obsessed on losing weight when I could and taking extra care of skin to aid my transition. Before I knew it, I was seriously considering if I fit the mold of a transgender woman. Once I did, I knew I would need to accomplish quite a bit more before I could go further down my new chosen gender path,  But I did and decided to keep following the path I was on. By doing so, I needed to refine exactly who I wanted my new woman to be and begin to communicate with the world.

Refinement became a huge task because I already had defined what I wanted which was to see if I could live a life as a fulltime transgender woman. After much work and refining I found I could. Plus , I enjoyed help from my friends I can never leave out. More than they will ever know, they helped me to define who I was and believe in myself. In many ways, even though I have defined myself as a transgender woman, I still work daily on refining who I am.