Saturday, August 6, 2022

On the Teeter Totter


A Photo of me on the gender
Teeter Totter

Along the way, following the path to change one's gender presents many challenges. In fact, many times the process can be compared to life on a playground. Especially when we are in the midst of deciding which binary gender we will be a part of.

Here in the blog, I have compared the process to sliding down a very slippery slope. When I consider it, perhaps attempting to do a gender balancing act may be more appropriate.

The photo in this post represents my life trying to balance a life between the male and female genders. In the picture my hair was a wig, my breasts were not mine and even my hips were fake.

 So naturally my life was not the most pleasant. The ride up when I was living as my feminine self was quite the high. But the trip down to my cross dressing male self was a real downer. I was depressed for days until the next time I could dress up in my feminine apparel. During this period of my life I was so confused I wouldn't have wished my existence on anyone.

Finally I found the view from the upper feminine spot of the teeter totter to be so natural I wanted to take the high road and take on the fulltime life of a transgender woman. Of course  just writing about it diminishes the level of difficulty of just arriving at a spot where I could even attempt to live a feminine life. It was extremely difficult to the point of even becoming dangerous when I ended up on the wrong end of a couple ill advised adventures as a novice transgender woman. More on that in another blog post.

As with any other piece of playground equipment, warnings just don't resonate with the users. Primarily I didn't see any warnings about losing my male privilege's I had worked so hard to acquire. As my teeter totter rose to it's heights, ironically my intelligence declined. It quickly became so bad I was even being "mansplained"  by a tow driver towing my car how his wrecker worked and how he had a better idea of getting my car back to my house than I did. 

Through it all, the most important part of being on the higher plane of my gender teeter totter was the new view I had was so much more natural. I loved the new view!

1 comment:

  1. Well, one should never allow her teeters to totter.:-)

    There is truth in what you say about hair, breasts, and even hips, but I can tell you that, overall, they are not necessary for my femininity or womanhood. I can only imagine having a full head of hair and breasts, but "fake" ones are all I will ever be able to possess. This is not an argument, but, rather, my reality based on the cards I have been dealt.

    I just returned home from a surgery - for a condition I have that absolutely precludes any female hormone intervention. While hospitalized, I was completely exposed, physically, so those things I normally would either cover up or "wear" in order to show the outside world who I am on the inside were taken away from me (even though I was allowed to wear the wig, in my bedridden state, it was a mess and often found to be twisted 90 degrees around my head). Discovering the catheter that had been inserted through my penis was pretty much the awakening of a dysphoric nightmare. The only comfort I could take was in the constant hugging of a pillow that, at least, covered the areas of my body that were or were not desirable to my existence as a woman. If I were on the gender teeter-totter, I would have to say that it felt as though I had crashed from high to low because I had lost complete control of my ability to balance anything.

    The lesson I learned (or the reminder I was given) through my ordeal is that my womanhood is not defined by my outward appearance. My outward appearance can, however, be defined by my womanhood.