Finding Safe Ground

 This actually is an extension to the post I recently wrote on being grounded as a transgender person. Before I write more I have a very relevant comment to add from TransGen through the "Medium" writing platform:

"I applaud your perspective. It’s intensely difficult to remain grounded as a transgender woman. There is so much noise all around saying there’s something wrong with us. Whether it’s an overt message on the news or from a hater, or it’s the subtle rejection of not being included in family gatherings or other group events. A look at a party or an oblique comment. We have to find that grounding voice that says, ´I’m okay as I am.’ I ponder that strength often. Especially during holidays, when once again I find myself excluded by my biological family. I dig deep over and over finding that ground and reaffirming that they simply don’t understand. Only those of us who have traveled this path of being the ‘other’ really know what it requires to remain grounded."

Thanks for the comment! Thinking back as I normally do about a post, I should have added a paragraph or so about finding safe ground as you transition. Looking back at my gender journey I can see many instances of when I reached safe ground. 

Photo Courtesy Jessie Hart

Many are very predictable but others not so much. Very early as I began my explorations into feminine clothing, I definitely was not on safe ground. Why? Because I always was worried I would be discovered. It wasn't until decades later when I could get to a point of doing away with any "impostor" syndrome I was suffering and begin to enjoy living as my authentic self. In fact, I don't think it was until after I learned more on how to dress and communicate as my feminine self did I find my way to safe ground. 

I guess too, I could equate the whole process to drowning. It seemed all the times I was struggling to learn and exist as a transgender woman would never happen, until all of a sudden a gender lifeline would come along and I felt natural. Plus more importantly my inner woman was screaming at me not to stop trying. 

She was right. Thanks to several very close friends I was able to find safe gender ground. In short I rooted myself in the safe ground I found away from all the loud gay venues I was going to and discover my true self in other lesbian or even straight bars. It felt so good to know I didn't have to give up everything I enjoyed, like sports, to transition. 

Photo by Ása Steinarsdóttir on Unsplash

These days my safe ground still shakes on occasion. Perhaps it is because gender to me has always presented itself as such a volcano. No matter how hard I try the past on occasion still comes back to haunt me. 

Perhaps it always will. After all it's been one hell of a climb and I am really afraid of heights.