Monday, April 11, 2022

Finding Yourself Through Gender

Ironically my post on having writer's block produced several very wonderful responses. The responses followed up on what should be a re-occurring theme. No matter how hard you try to assimilate yourself as the authentic gender of your choice of more importance is being yourself. Many times I have written how important it was to me to be accepted by other cis women during my transgender transition. 

All this time I have concentrated on confidence being your number one asset when you enter the world but being yourself could be more important. This first comment comes from Jamie Aileen through The Medium writers platform: 

" Learning to be a woman is so much more difficult when you are 70. But first, I want me to be just me!"

The second comes from Medium also from Logan Silkwood who is a transman and naturally approaches the subject from a different angle:

"

Yesterday, I looked in the mirror and saw myself briefly: an effeminate gay man. It’s a rare but lovely thing to get that validation from myself. In those moments, I realize I don’t need men to see me as a man. I simply am one. I’m me. 🏳️‍⚧️"


Specifically you novices are probably thinking this is all well said and good as you look forward to what seems like an endless road to a gender transition. But if you can, try to keep in mind you are finally receiving a very rare but difficult opportunity to shape a new human being who just happens to be you.  Second chances are so rare in life. 


From the Jessie Hart Collection

Yesterday, my partner Liz's son took us out to eat in our favorite Mexican restaurant which happens to be right around the corner. This is one of the few pictures we have taken recently before the margaritas arrived. Even though I think I show every bit of my 72 years in the picture, once again we had no problems being served. My gender wasn't questioned and no I wasn't I.D' d to prove I was old enough to drink. :) So in essence we were left again to just be ourselves. What's helping me now is with our diet and the effects of HRT, I can wear more form fitting clothes and not look like a clown.


In many ways I am the direct reversal of Logan.  When I look at a picture or a mirror I no longer see a very masculine man but on the other hand, I see a rather masculine woman who as you can tell wears very little makeup. 


The tragedy is I went through so many years of testosterone poisoning to get to where I am today. I can't say I can quote Helen Reddy and her song I am Woman but I can quote me and say "I am me."  

4 comments:

  1. Maybe you should try this song:

    "I've Gotta Be Me"

    Whether I'm right or whether I'm wrong
    Whether I find a place in this world or never belong
    I gotta be me, I've gotta be me
    What else can I be but what I am

    I want to live, not merely survive
    And I won't give up this dream
    Of life that keeps me alive
    I gotta be me, I gotta be me
    The dream that I see makes me what I am

    That far-away prize, a world of success
    Is waiting for me if I heed the call
    I won't settle down, won't settle for less
    As long as there's a chance that I can have it all

    I'll go it alone, that's how it must be
    I can't be right for somebody else
    If I'm not right for me
    I gotta be free, I've gotta be free
    Daring to try, to do it or die
    I've gotta be me

    I'll go it alone, that's how it must be
    I can't be right for somebody else
    If I'm not right for me
    I gotta be free, I just gotta be free
    Daring to try, to do it or die
    I gotta be me

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  2. Replies
    1. You have to go with Sammy Davis Jr., who sang it from the perspective of a black Jew. When I sing this song, I imagine I have the same sort of feeling for it from the perspective of a trans woman. Sinatra sang it from the perspective of an entitled narcissistic white man, with a fuck-you attitude - just as his "My Way" comes across to me.

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    2. For some reason I never heard much of Sammy Davis Jr.'s work. I will have to listen for it.

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