Saturday, October 24, 2020

Don't Let the Middle Bother You?

 Almost anyway you look at it, dealing with gender dysphoria creates quite a bit of tension because you are dealing with a middle gender of sorts. Awhile ago I was surprised when several members of the cross dresser - transgender group I was in ,expressed they had never experienced any gender dysphoria as they transitioned. I finally thought they were fortunate enough to have never been in the dreaded gender middle ground. Being gender dysphoric and never wanting to give up certain aspects of my male life, came close to totally destroying me. Leading ultimately to a very serious suicide attempt. Several years later, I was able to discover I could bring many of the so called male activities I enjoyed so much with me as I tried to complete my transition. I say "tried" because I feel I still am transitioning to this day. 

As I always enjoy doing and when Connie sends along a comment which lends itself to a particular post, such as gender dysphoria. I like to share it. Here it is:

"As I sang in my comment the other day, You've got to ac-cen-tuate the positive E-lim-inate the negative The rest of the verse, though, may be more important here: Latch on to the affirmative Don't mess with Mister In-Between As trans women, there will always be that Mister In-Between who haunts us. We put on blinders to avoid seeing him, but we still are aware he's there. As much as I claim that I've transitioned to the point where I have integrated the better parts of my male-self with my female-self, I've really only managed to blur the line between the two - which is where Mister In-Between resides. He may emerge from the fog in different ways: His fat, stubby-fingered hands, his baritone voice, his scratchy face too long after a shave (not necessarily visible, but felt), his big head that connects to broad shoulders by a thick neck. 

Or, it could even be a memory from some long-ago feat of manhood. While none of those things are desirable to my female-self, though, I have to remind myself that they did not necessarily define my past male-self, either. Not only do I compare myself to other women, I have often found myself looking at some men who may have more-feminine features, such as smaller hands with long and delicate fingers, a higher-pitched voice, or a smaller head connected to narrow shoulders by a long narrow neck. Yet, they go about their lives as men because they were born to be men. Although they may wish some things about themselves could be more masculine, they don't have the dysphoria that is Mister In-Between. Still, though I may be envious of their feminine features,

 I would rather live with my dysphoria than to be a man - with feminine features or not. Don't mess with Mister In-Between, but don't let Mister In-Between mess with you, either."

Well put.

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