Selfish versus Self Preservation

Name me one person in the transgender, transsexual or crossdressing community who hasn't faced the terrible prospect of telling others. As they say in the "old country" that "ain't happenin".
Recently I had a chat with person who was just starting to come out of the closet in her mid 30's. She said she seemed to be following the same path I have been on.
After I apologized, kids came into the discussion. As in many instances she attributed two broken relationships to her transgender leanings and now was worried about her teenaged daughter.
Very shortly the "S" conversation came up. When is it not selfish to be put yourself in self preservation mode for the sake of yourself and your off spring.
Of course it's a highly personal question and one only each of us can answer.
As many of us have discovered, we can only be cornered so many ways by an affliction which is not going away. Something has to be done. It's not being selfish-it's reality.
As a pure observer I believe kids today are much better equipped to deal with a transgender or transsexual parent. The older people around them are the problem.
So if there is a path to success in this situation, it's having the proper amount of material or discussion to present yourself in a true manner.
One of the tougher problems is to present your transgender status as a real part of you while not being a victim. What I mean is don't act like this has been a huge struggle your whole life. (Even though it has.) BUT it has been and will be a part of you hidden from the world.
You need to try to open a dialogue in  which the child needs to know both of you will be better off under the new gender situation. A huge motivator at this point in time is trust. You are trusting your offspring with the issue.
Finally, while it's good to never push too hard, it's never good not to try some gentle followups.
The child needs to know this is not something that is just going away.
Good luck!