No Fear

Image from Brian Kyed on
UnSplash

 These days with the advent of all the current anti-LGBT and primarily transgender sentiment going on, it is very difficult not to have some sort of fear of going out in public. I know in my case during my long years of gender transition,  many times I was petrified of trying out my feminine world. Having more experience in failure more than success made me quite timid in attempting more and more on my path. 

I understand how difficult it must be to be a novice transgender woman or man and/or cross dresser seeking to explore the world. I am fortunate to live in a relatively liberal part of Ohio in suburban Cincinnati and I have a nearly constant fervent ally (my wife Liz) who accompanies me almost everywhere. 

Ironically, possibly  coming up at the right time  on the end of the month is the Transgender Day of Visibility celebrated around the world on the thirty first of March but here on the Saturday before. Despite no problems last year when I participated in the event, I can't help having the slightest trepidation on what may happen this year with all the TERF's and other gender bigots being emboldened by all the negative transgender news. Even with all of that, I still plan on being a part in my own small way.

I believe by participating I am honoring all of my past efforts to simply live an authentic life the way I saw fit. Along the way, I had more than my share of testosterone poisoning and conditioning to overcome on my gender journey. Perhaps in my small way, if I encounter any younger transgender women or men I can give them some confidence they can have some sort of a favorable future. I would think many of them are scared about their future. Neighboring Kentucky has just passed a highly restrictive transgender bill and Ohio has tried and failed so far. Which means it is just a matter of time before the bigots in the legislature try again. 

In the midst of all this negativity and darkness regarding our gender quests, it is important not forget our LGBT and transgender friends and allies. I wish I could name all the wonderful people such as the Kim's, Jen's and Debra's  who have touched my life in a positive way.  They embraced me at the same time so many others were rejecting me. Primarily, they enabled me to learn how it would be to live my dream of surviving and even thriving as my true feminine self. 

I'm sure I will mention it again as the Transgender Day of Visibility draws closer but I hope in your own way you have the chance to be visible. Even if you are still existing in your own closet's mirror. You never know when your life may change and you will be able to escape your closet and learn to have less fear and live an authentic life you have always wanted to live. 

Remember life can change on a dime. If you can just locate the dime!

 

Transgender Seasons

Summer Fashion from the Jessie Hart
Collection

Calendar spring is coming around here in Ohio early next week on Monday. Traditionally the calendar change does not mean the actual temperatures will change that much. In fact, we are expecting snow today just days before the season changes. Even though I realize from long experience with the weather around here, finally I am closer to leaving winter behind than ever before. Which means it's time for the exciting wardrobe checking  ritual. 

The entire wardrobe process has always been one of my seasonal treats every year. It is time for me to enjoy the benefits of being a woman. I was always so envious of the women around me when they could update their clothes to match the new season. Which I might mention we have four of here in Ohio. Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter. Plenty of opportunities for change. 

Even though I haven't really taken the opportunity to go through all my clothes, I certainly need to do it soon. Plus, this season I feel I need to really get into and accept change is my clothing selection. I think I am still caught up in the Covid isolation times of the recent past. I need bright colors to brighten up my mood. I can also enjoy one of my previous favorite pursuits of being a transgender woman, changing with the seasons. 

I am not a huge fan of summer or for that matter winter. But this year we were able to afford a new installation of a central air conditioning unit. Which will help with our hot humid summers. And, we just got the new furnace installed for hopefully winter's last hold on us. The revival aspect of spring appeals to me too when the brown vegetation turns green and the tree's bud out and flower. For some reason, fall has been my favorite season. Perhaps every fall I thought it would be the year I could finally open my gender closet and explore the world. It was a colorful time of change and why couldn't I be part of it.  Ironically, fall was when I finally was able to transition full time to an out transgender woman. Since my birthday is in October, I felt in many ways I had gone full circle. Fashion-wise wearing boots, leggings and oversized soft sweaters really appealed to me. 

Cis-women probably take the seasonal fashion changes for granted. For transgender women fashion changes provide an extra opportunity to express our feminine side. Just one of the fun aspects of transitioning which at times can be so agonizingly difficult. Seasonal fashion changes are also a part of maintaining a positive feminine public presentation. Not unlike mixing business with pleasure. 

I also hope to for once do some serious shopping for spring fashion. It is definitely time.  

Girl Talk

First Girl's Night Out. I am on the
bottom left. From the Jessie Hart
Collection.

Every so often I reflect back on my first girl's nights outs.  Naturally before each event I was terrified. Here I was having the chance to enter a feminine only space I had previously only dreamed of. I was petrified of thinking what I would say to attempt to add in my input to all the conversations. What do women talk about when men are not invited to be around.

It turned out over the years I was fortunate to be invited to four girl's nights out. It turned out they were all unique in their own way.  

During the first one I learned women (as I suspected) were more apt to discuss, family and friends topics. No more relying on work and sports to get me by. I was lucky I had a supportive daughter I could talk about. Other than that, I had to sit back and be more of the observer rather than a real active participant. I didn't know several of the other women not shown in the picture and one didn't seem to care I was transgender while the other one did. I was a little surprised no one gently probed my reason of being there. It was probably because I was there with good friends such as my future wife Liz, Min and Kathy. 

Most likely the most exciting and scary girl's night out I was ever invited to came at the request of a couple servers at one of the venues I was a regular. One afternoon I was there and the servers came up to me and said they were planning a night out with a couple of other women and another nearby venue. As frightened as I was, how could I possibly turn such an invitation down. Since they were all young an attractive, I really had to try to step up my fashion game to fit in. I decided on wearing my favorite all black outfit. Wide legged pants and short sleeved top along with my long black wig. It turned out not to matter because all the other women, for the most part, were occupied by guys trying to pick them up and I was ignored. All in all, it worked out for the better.

Another girl's night out I was invited to was a Halloween party years ago. I had a fun time wearing my black tight legged leggings with boots and my big frizzy red wig. There was plenty of beer to be consumed and one woman even came up to me ad asked how I ever took care of all of that hair. It didn't  hurt that Kathy was there also and she was every bit as tall as me so I didn't have to feel self confident about being the tallest woman there. 

The one night out I missed through no fault of my own was a bachelorette party I was invited to, then it was cancelled. I knew the bride and her friends were a wild bunch so I was disappointed when it was cancelled. 

All of my "women only" events taught me I did have the confidence as a transgender woman to interact one on one with other women. I was correct in assuming when I subtracted sports and work from my conversation with others and added softer topics such as family and clothes I would be all right and I would be accepted into a new and exciting circle. Girl talk I discovered was fun.