A Break in the Weather

 

Image courtesy Mike Tolliver
on Unsplash

The hot and steamy non airconditioned weather I have faced for most of the summer has finally given way to lesser humidity and lower temperatures. Oddly enough the climate change has helped to give me a break from my gender dysphoria, without an influx of gender euphoria. I rarely have very many moments of inner peace but have had a few lately. Perhaps it is just the lull before the storm.

When the VA gets it scheduled my Mammogram will be coming up relatively soon I hope. Plus, I also have my latest Covid booster shot coming up at the end of the month. 

Then there is the wedding to plan for. Between now and October 16th we still have quite a bit to do. What could be interesting is when we go to the courthouse to finish and submit the legal process. My mind tells me not to fully expect a flawless afternoon. Between the usual legal trip it will be interesting to see if my transgender status plays into the process at all. My legal documents all say female so we are attempting a same sex marriage, which in the City of Cincinnati "shouldn't" be much of a problem. After we celebrate with a cocktail (or two) it will be time to move on to what sort of ring do I want and what am I going to wear. Of course, Liz already has ordered and received her outfit. No pressure on me? Right!

Also I neglected to mention I have my birthday mixed in in October and sooner more than later I will have to check back in with my VA health clinic to set up an optometrists appointment and reset several prescriptions I have which are expiring. My only problem is the clinic itself. Overall, except for my last phone call which the person referred to me as "Ms. Hart",  not many others in the clinic have been gender friendly. As I have mentioned in a previous post, I have had enough and will start taking names and reporting people. At sometime also I have to pursue their (VA) help in obtaining a handicapped parking pass which increasingly I am needing. 

I know to those of you who lead regular non retired lives this perhaps doesn't sound like much but when you throw in the sometimes unexpected responses you get when you are transgender, life can become a little dicey. I am so fortunate to have such a "gender warrior" such as Liz by my side when the going could get a bit tough. She is quick to step in and correct the occasional person who refers to me with a male pronoun. 

In the meantime I have started up my walks again to attempt to build up my much needed physical stamina and will continue them as long as I can weather permitting.   

Answer to a Transgender Guestion

Image from Unsplash 

Yesterday I wrote a post asking the question "What is a Transgender Woman." 

Today I received this wonderful response through my Medium writers format from Jas Martinez: 

"  Gender identity of a female? Not all females have a gender identity of a female. There has to be, there probably will be a better definition in the near future. There are trans people that label themselves trans women, however many of them are simply trans people that cross dress. I guess I am a gatekeeper is sorts. A trans woman is a trans person who lives full time as woman, has legally changed their name and is on HRT to be recognized or assumed to be a cis-woman. It’s the same as being a veteran.

To be recognized as a veteran one must have served in the military. To be recognized as a surgeon one must have graduated medical school, be licensed and actually perform surgeries. Label yourself any way you want but those are only words. To be a trans woman one has to live the part."

Thanks for the comment! There were so many to choose from. The only part I would disagree with is the portion which said HRT was a needed to be a transgender woman. I know several transgender women who live quite well as their authentic selves without going the HRT route. One in particular is Connie who can't because of medical issues and the other I believe is "Stana" from the Femulate blog.

On the other hand I agree not all females have the gender identity of a female. My partner (and future wife) Liz is way more masculine than I am and can't wait to call me "Mrs. Hart". I asked her the why's of being a transgender woman and she replied a trans woman was/is a person who knows where she came from and knows where she is going, even if she doesn't know the exact path.

Interestingly, Liz thinks too many transitioning novice transgender women have too difficult a time letting go of their old male privilege's. Growth doesn't happen over night and a person needs time to grow into their authentic selves woman or man.

Then Lauren added another comment:

"Yes JJ, gotta love the haters, it's really hard when they're family members who refuse to acknowledge or accept you. How do you reply to someone who says: "I don't understand and frankly, I don't want to understand, what you're doing is wrong!"

The answer, you don't really. you walk away and the relationship is over. Hard but necessary. They just can't get it through their thick skulls we are born this way and have been since we were children. It's just wrong."

Thanks to you Lauren and for the rest of you just to confuse everyone I decided to write Medium under my legal name change JJ or Jessie. Plus as far as haters are concerned, my very own brother falls under a person I just had to walk away from. Sadly.

I love comments and wish I could answer more of them in actual posts but it is difficult to do. Thanks again for those of who who do comment!

What is a Transgender Woman?

 

Image from Unsplash

Talk about a question which goes right to the basics, this is it. 

Before I get started, here is a look at a definition of a transgender woman from Web MD:

"A transgender woman was labeled as male at birth but has the gender identity of a female. A transgender man was assigned female sex at birth but identifies as male. Some transgender people don't identify with one gender exclusively." 

I agree with this definition but coming from a person who has lived the definition I would naturally take it to a much deeper level. These days, many times through the power of social media, I have seen the wrath of transgender haters who say it is impossible for transgender women or men to be able to live as  our authentic genders. 

My favorite comeback is birth gender doesn't guarantee a person will able to achieve  the title of woman or man. Also there is the bogus idea that being able to give birth is the only way to claim the title as a woman. What about all those females for what ever reason don't want or can't have children. Most if not all struggle to have a rational answer but of course never give up their ideas but at least I probably gave the transphobes something to think about.  Furthermore I think most transphobes just can't comprehend the concept of being transgender. Either that or they decide to hide behind some sort of bogus religion. 

As I attempt to come up with my own definition of what is a transgender woman (or man) I normally think of what my daughter recently asked me when we discussed the possibility of one of her children coming out as trans. She asked something to the fact that I had always known I was transgender. After a little thought I added it to my definition. Indeed knowing I always knew I was struggling with my true gender but didn't have the tools at the time to understand what exactly I was going through. 

What I was going through was similar to what any other girl goes through as they mature and hopefully make it to womanhood. To put it another way the whole process to achieving trans womanhood gives me the right to claim the womanly status. 

So, that is my definition of what is a transgender woman.