There is a World Out There.

Amazingly, my partner Liz got off of work at the right time. A time which gave us plenty of chance to get ready and actually could go to one of the cross dresser - transgender socials which have literally been scheduled for years. 

Photo Courtesy Cyrsti Hart 

I was surprised Liz wanted to go because  of the ongoing Covid threat and the fact the temperatures were in the teens (F). But she did, I jumped at the opportunity to get out of the house. Plus we have both been fully vaccinated and even had our boosters. So, I was excited! Two days in a row out of the house. 

After I found out I was going out, then I had to figure out what I was going to wear. I went with my normal fuzzy green scalloped sweater which extends down over my newly forming hips and in addition, is very warm. I wore the sweater with my black leggings and charcoal gray boots. After adding a light layer of eye makeup and lipstick, I brushed back and clipped my hair and was ready to go. 

Once we arrived, the "group" turned out to be just two other transgender women. Without being too blunt, the two women had social skills which was great.  Of course much of the conversation revolved around the coming out process and family Since most of my family (Liz) was there, it was easy to refer to her as being the main reason my MtF gender transition was as easy as it was. 

Along the way we also chatted about the influence our families had once we had come out. It turns out most all of us had lost a significant number of persons in our life (to death) and had a clean slate to start all over again. As Liz puts it, rarely does a human being have a chance at a "do over" so don't screw it up.  

Ironically, one of the other trans women who came has a transgender sister. It turned out also, all had accepting children  and the only person who had a parent who was still alive was accepting too. 

The nice thing about having a small group to me was the communication was better and I could even hear everyone at the table. 

It turned out also I ordered the Meatloaf not knowing the musical artist of the same name had passed away. Now I can eat a wonderful cold meatloaf sandwich in his honor.

Hopefully, it won't be as long again until we can get out of the house again as I enjoyed last night so much. Plus it was good to be around transgender women who all had positive stories. Perhaps the world out there is changing for the best. 

Sometimes it Works

 On exceedingly rare occasions when I get up in the morning and look in the mirror it screams woman. Most of the time though, the opposite is true. In fact what I think is not printable. 

Yesterday was one of those rare days when the mirror said, I was doing the right things in the gender department to live easily in a feminine world. Of course I was dubious because the mirror has lied so many times to me in the past.

Plus, recently I have been so secluded from the world. who would know anyhow?  Because he was vaccinated Liz's son had a mild case of the Covid virus and came out of it fine. So after he served his time in quarantine, he was finally free to buy another car. That's where I came in. Since he hadn't much knowledge in the car buying world, Liz wanted me to go with him. As much as I am far from being a used car expert, I'm not sure I wanted to go at all. 

To make a long story short, I went and with no pressure (ha) agreed with Liz's son the car would be OK to purchase. I also was pleasantly surprised when the gruff looking man who sold him the car was nice to me. Maybe the mirror didn't lie to me after all. Maybe I had reached gender nirvana and I could finally take the trans out of my trans woman description. I know what you are thinking and I agree. He was being nice because he wanted to sell the car. 

In the end run, it didn't matter. The car was purchased and I had escaped yet another gender meeting I preferred not to do unscathed. Someday I will learn men in that kind of situation have a tendency to ignore women anyhow. Unless they want something. I hate to think I would be taken advantage of though. Just because of my gender. Just one of the problems of losing male privileges'. Or don't try to "mansplain" to me why a car "works". 

 Whatever it was, the guy gave me a shy wave and a grin . I hope all he saw was a woman  accompanying her son on a car buying adventure.

Who knows? The guy at the car place got his money, Liz's son got his car and in a off the wall way I got my chance to again conquer the world as a woman. 

Maybe I should relax and take mansplaining as yet another step I have to negotiate the feminine world. On the other hand, the whole process infuriates me as it negates  much of my life's experiences. What would my mirror say? Very simply, this is what you asked for and worked so long to achieve. And, as I was told so long ago, there was so much more to a woman's life than being the "pretty pretty princess."

Sometimes a plan comes together and it does work. 

Spilled Estrogen and Health Care

 Along the way here in Cyrsti's Condo, I enjoy reading other experiences from other transgender women who share a similar age to me. Five (at least) are transgender veterans and it seems I am learning of more trans vets daily. By reading their comments, what the typical person doesn't realize I think is the wide range of care you can receive in various Veterans Administration Hospitals. 

Photo by Ehimetalor Akhere Unuabonao
on Unsplash

Also, trans persons in my age range (65-70 plus) go through being an educational experiment. Meaning, we are educating our medical providers about the needs of transgender patients. As it has turned out, I have been on both sides of becoming a self care provider.  I do think over the years, more and more medical professionals are being educated to us. When I look back at my experiences mostly at the Dayton, Ohio VA center, they have many residents from nearby universities following around my regular doctors. I always take it as a good sign when a young college aged professional has the opportunity to see a transgender woman such as me be cared for. 

Unfortunately I know all haven't been able to  have the same beneficial experiences. I know I am mostly speaking to the choir here but imagine if you have to fight through personal and or  religious discrimination to even receive quality transgender care such as hormone replacement therapy. Which studies have proven to be mentally helpful to the mental health of so many gender dysphoric individuals. Alternatives such as Equitas Health are proving to be life saving medical providers for the LGBTQ community if you are lucky enough to live near one of their offices in the Midwestern United States.

Now, let's go back to another major service the VA provides for transgender veterans...mental health care. Again, from the comments I receive, the care a vet receives varies widely from VA center to center. As I have previously written my original therapist at the VA has been with me all the way and has been completely sympathetic and proactive to my needs. Of course HRT meds come to mind but there was so much more such as providing paperwork to help with name and gender changes within and out of the system. 

Plus, even though I had to educate my initial endocrinologists, my current "Endo" is also a wonderful provider who monitors and takes care of my needs. 

Through all of this, I hoped I would be the rule, not the exception. But from many of the comments I receive I am afraid I am not. it is too late to cry over spilled estrogen when you are 72. Sure, such as many of you I wish I had worked my way out of cross dressing and into a transgender life much earlier than I did. It seemed my gender crystal ball was a bit cloudy and the life I so meticulously built and protected as a man was too good to give up. 

I hope your journey across the gender frontier has brought you to where you want to be. No matter the years it took you to get there and the experiences you had with your health care.