Dysphoria 1...Zoom Nothing.

 In the past couple of days I have had three Zoom meetings to attend. 

When the pandemic really began to spread of course, I had to learn all about Zoom. If you don't know, it is a on line visual "meet up" with one or a group of people. Early on in the process, I learned the fear of facing myself on the computer screen for however long the session lasted. 

To put it mildly, the results sent my gender dysphoria into a death spiral. 

Over the years, I have been able to maintain a delicate balance on how my presentation is perceived versus how it is received in reality.

To be blunt, I thought I presented well during my meeting with my therapist and terrible in my second session. 

Look, I know my strong point is I am transgender and like so many of us (cis women too) will never reach the beauty plateau of someone such as Laverne Cox.(below)

I will have to save all of that for another lifetime. Over the years, I have been so fortunate to have met many people who have accepted my true self.

In the meantime, I will have to concentrate on the positives to keep my gender dysphoria at bay. 

Maybe then, I can put Zoom up on the scoreboard.  

Representation is Good!

 

A former White House intern (above) who previously made history by becoming the first transgender speaker at a major political party's presidential convention when she spoke at the 2016 Democratic National Convention is once again blazing a new trail for equality.

Sarah McBride was sworn in on Tuesday to the Delaware State Senate, becoming the highest-ranking elected official in the United States. At least four others have been elected state representatives in state legislatures, but McBride is the first state senator.

"It's certainly been a whirlwind," McBride told NBC10's @Issue shortly after her election victory in November. "But I'm excited to get to work. It's been wonderful hearing from so many neighbors, so many Delawareans, who are excited about the prospects for progress before us.

More Inspiration

 Perhaps you saw the post here in Cyrsti's Condo about not practicing until you get it right but do it until you don't get it wrong. 

Our resident musicians, Connie and Paula responded:

First, here is Connie:

"Yes, that is true. However, if you are practicing what is wrong, and hoping for it to suddenly come out right, your success will be less likely to come to fruition. Repetition is reinforcement - for right or wrong. We all have heard the quote, "insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result." It's not necessarily insanity, though, as it could be laziness or naivete that would keep one from even recognizing the wrong result.

 As a drummer and a singer, I normally have not had trouble doing both at the same time. I have had many people, including other musicians, ask me how I can do it. I can't answer that, any more than I can answer why I'm a transgender woman. All I can say is that it comes naturally to me - for the most part, that is. There is one song, the Paul Butterfield version of "One More Heartache," that has given me fits in the past, though. The syncopation of the drum beat against the bass line threw me off from the vocal entry almost every time. The more times I did it wrong, the fewer times I got it right. How I finally could consistently come in with the vocals at the correct spot was by concentrating on the guitar part, instead of being so locked in to what the drums and bass were doing. You see, I was so much into the syncopation that I wasn't allowing myself to step away and see the whole picture.

 I think, in our trans lives, we are so emotionally vested in our thought and vision of being a woman (or a man, for ftm), we can fail to see how we fit into the larger picture. We all have our comfort zones, but living within them won't always lead to a desired outcome. Walking around the house in stiletto heels does not totally prepare one for walking on uneven pavement, or even on ice (Where have I heard that before?:-) Still, I wouldn't recommend stepping outside if you're wobbly at the door. Of course, you can't get anything right unless you're willing to try it in the first place. As it's been said, the only real failure is to not have tried at all."

Paula had this take:

"In the music world this is often quoted as "An amateur will practice until they can play it right, a professional practices until they can't play it wrong!"

Thanks to both of you for commenting.