A Day at the BMV

 To begin with, the BMV stands for "Bureau of Motor Vehicles" here in Ohio. Because of social distancing and other factors, the fun filled wait to renew any number of personal or motor vehicle licenses can be completed at the "BMV." 

Because I wasn't really pressed for time, I decided to wait for the middle of the month and go early in the morning. Unfortunately there were many other people thinking the same way. Of course I was optimistic and didn't use the call ahead option either, so I spent nearly two hours of my life I will never get back waiting for my turn. 

Through the whole experience I couldn't help but feel the same gender dysphoric feelings I have felt in the past. Would I get called "sir" or asked any other inappropriate questions. As it turned out, my anxiety was wasted. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. I had my vision checked, answered a few questions and was soon seated for my lovely drivers license picture, which I won't get to see for at least two weeks. 

As I sat and waited, I remembered back four years ago when I got my first license which said female on it and how proud I was when I got to use it to vote. Since normally I can't remember what happened last week, my license will always be a way to remember when I changed my legal gender markers.

Maybe it was all worth the wait at the "BMV". A couple hours was sure starting to feel like a whole day.

Non Binary Fun

 These days I have seen the term "non binary" used in place of transgender in many instances. I find it interesting yet another term is finding it's way into the LGBTQ vocabulary. I'm sure many of you remember how prevalent the transvestite term was before transgender came along. 

I would imagine non binary maybe a more appropriate term to use with younger people who still might be on the gender fence. Would it replace androgyny as a major used term eventually? Or are we dealing in too many terms again in our culture. In which case who cares? I am sure especially the newer people dealing with gender change do. Imagine again having a very androgynous child who is still working their way through gender. In her/his case I think non binary works. 

I wonder too if the world will ever come to the point where acquaintances we transgender people run into over the years will ever come to think of us as non binary? My own personal example is the cis woman I met years ago in an art gallery who chose me for a woman's photo shoot which featured women of different backgrounds. Of all the people who lives I have crossed, I think she is the one who would embrace the non binary term.

Plus, since I have decided hormone replacement therapy would be as far as I will go to further my Mtf gender transition, maybe non binary describes me more accurately too. 

As a matter of fact though, I don't really care, I just wanted to try to write a fun post on the subject for all of you to consider.       

I'm not Brave

 I find it generally humorous when someone describes me or any other transgender women or men as brave. 

In my case I had to move forward to live as my authentic self as a transgender woman before it was too late and I was successful in committing suicide. I then embarked on a gender journey which at some points was down right scary and at other times completely wonderful. In other words, I learned I wasn't so brave as much as I never had a choice and was beginning to live a life I was always destined to live.

Of course at times, my transition was less than fun. I can't begin to tell you the number of times I was driven to tears by very rude people. I don't believe it was being brave to keep subjecting myself to abuse, it was beginning to feel more and more natural and the abuse faded away. 

It's always a debate too about how much different the situation has changed over the years and decades. When I came out, it was primarily a solitary time for novice cross dressers or transgender women. There was no social media and very few groups who would hold monthly "mixers". The times were so solitary, trans individuals who went the distance all the way to genital realignment surgery were expected to go stealth by moving away and completely starting a new life. In many ways, I felt they were the brave ones.

Currently, in many parts of the country there are LGBTQ groups which a person can reach out to for support. The group I am part of locally has helped many trans people come out of the closet and a place for cross dressers to explore more fully where they want to go. Small groups are able to go shopping and socialize in socially distanced situations. In fact, there was a virtual social this weekend. 

I am fairly sure most of the girls/guys don't consider themselves brave. It is something they just had to do.