What If?

 This is actually a continuation of the Cyrsti's Condo post on transgender choice and did any of us actually have any. And finally, why did it happen yo us at all. Of course there is no real answer except it becomes clear to trans people we never had any choice and fighting our gender issues was fruitless. The more I fought mine, the more it tried to kill me. Once I tried to cross the line between being a cross dresser in my mind to really trying to see if I could live successfully as a transgender woman, and succeeded, I knew deep down I could never go back. I felt so natural in a feminine existence. Unfortunately I was totally immersed in a macho male life. Naturally, my life was hell before changes came along and I could live full time as a trans woman. 

I spent hours trying to connect the dots concerning the "why me" of my life. Another person who sent in a comment on nearly the same issue was Sara Michelle :

" I also wonder what choice did I have as well, I was born in 1956 to a mother who had several miscarry's. I can't connect the dots either but I suspect from what I have found on the internet that she might have been given DES (diesterstilbastrol) ? not sure on spelling, as I look at it either enough went right/wrong on the final attempt and here I am! And there's that nagging question "what if ?"

Thanks for the comment! I suppose Connie can come up with suitable idea of what to write to describe when life gives you lemons, make sure you make it lemon based makeup!

Old picture from my cross dressing days

 

More Kansas

 The blogging Goddess was seemingly looking down on me when I discovered this post about Kansas's first out transgender woman politician who is about to become the state's first trans legislator. Her name is Stephanie Byers and here is part of her story from the Washington Post:" LGBTQ Victory Fund endorsed candidate Stephanie Byers (below) won her primary for a Kansas state House seat and is on-track to become the first out trans person ever elected to public office in Kansas. Byers was unopposed in the primary and her Democratic-leaning district makes her the favorite to win the general election in November.

Mayor Annise Parker, President & CEO of LGBTQ Victory Fund, released the following statement about Byers’ victory:

“Stephanie has shattered a long-standing political barrier in Kansas and is poised to join a small but growing number of out trans state legislators across the country. At a time when trans people are targeted with hateful policies and legislation by the Trump administration and in so many state legislatures, Stephanie’s race is a powerful reminder of where our country is headed. Stephanie’s victory, like every victory for a trans candidate, will inspire more trans leaders to run for office in their communities and that will be transformative.”

What Choice?

Every so often, I will happen upon a post when someone else thinks transgender women or trans men actually had a choice in the unique direction our lives have taken us. 

I wondered yesterday where my choices were as I waited for a mammogram. Over the years too. I wondered how I ever chose an existence which led to ridicule and rejection. After tons of introspection, I finally came to conclusion none of this was my fault, somehow I was born into being transgender. Then, as I researched further, I found our trans tribe has been around since the ancient  times and actually was looked up as being special by many native civilizations.  

Personally,  I happened upon a study of a hormonal therapy for at risk expectant mothers prescribed in the late 1940's and early 1950's. There was some sort of an idea the extra estrogen the medication put in the womb could have resulted in transgender babies. The reason I cared at all is I was born in 1949 and my Mom was an extremely high risk Mother. It all never really mattered though because she passed away and I could never connect the dots anyway.

If I had a choice at all, it would be to have back all the years and time I wasted hiding, scheming, lying and running from myself. If I had a choice I would take back all the passive and active suicide attempts I tried. 

It would have been interesting which direction my life would have taken...if I had a choice.