The Anti "PTSD"

My last blog post here in Cyrsti's Condo revolved around Transgender PTSD and how I experienced it Sunday. As luck would have it, the pendulum swung and today was absolutely wonderful.

I accompanied Liz to three of her doctors appointments and encountered several nurses/doctors who I realized have met me several times over the past several years. They were very nice as always. But, it was the other patients and nurses we encountered who made the difference in the day.

I don't know why yet but if I get a good start on the day and feel good about my overall presentation, the day just goes better. It is easier said than done, I know I should attempt to get off to a good start all the time, then again any woman feels better on different days.

Today on elevators (another of my biggest paranoia's) I even participated in conversations with other women, two of whom called us "ladies."

There is no worse feeling than gender dysphoria going wrong for a transgender person, and no better feeling when you don't have to worry about it.

If you remember my last blog post about dysphoria gone wrong in the ladies dressing room, Connie had another take on hearing heavy footsteps:

 FABULOUSCONNIEDEEDecember 11, 2018 at 5:04 PM

"Heavy footsteps may have made me wonder if there were a cross dresser in the next stall.

One of the rules (written into the bylaws) of the local cross dresser social club is "no talking in the ladies room." Of course, if you have your feminine voice perfected, that wouldn't be an issue.... unless a baritone voice answers back. :-)

As I've often said, there is always something on any given day that will burst the bubble, reminding one of her transgender status. Fears we have from the past, whether real or imagined, can be triggered by the smallest thing. I'm glad you were able to shake it off and compose yourself in the moment."

That's a great idea! I should have stayed around to find out! 

As far as my voice goes, some days I think it "passes" better than others.

Transgender PTSD

Sunday, when we went to pick out Liz a new outfit for her Christmas parties, I experienced a feeling I hadn't went through for awhile...Trans-PTSD.

If you don't know what PTSD means, here is a short definition from the "National Institute of Mental Health" :

"PTSD is a disorder that develops in some people who have experienced a shocking, scary, or dangerous event.

It is natural to feel afraid during and after a traumatic situation. Fear triggers many split-second changes in the body to help defend against danger or to avoid it. This “fight-or-flight” response is a typical reaction meant to protect a person from harm. Nearly everyone will experience a range of reactions after trauma, yet most people recover from initial symptoms naturally. Those who continue to experience problems can be diagnosed with PTSD."

It's been awhile since I have experienced a short time like I did Sunday. To start with, Liz picked out five dresses to try on. As she was going back to the women's dressing room, I was prepared to stay out side in the store until she (Liz) said, get back there with her to tell her how she looked.

Without hesitation I followed her back without even a look from the girl monitoring the rooms. I felt OK until I heard heavy footsteps coming into the stall beside us and all of the sudden, I was expecting a knock on our door asking what we were doing in there. For an instance all the ancient memories of rest rooms past came flooding in on me. To the point I could barely take a breath! After a moment though, my panic subsided and I felt so relieved (as well as a little silly). 

I just don't know after all these years without a problem, I would still feel this way. Perhaps I always will.

"Mo" Privilege

Gender "privilege " is a difficult subject to write about.

First of all, I am going to get to Connie's comment:

"FABULOUSCONNIEDEEDecember 9, 2018 at 5:22 PM

Well, had you had male privilege, I imagine your haircut would have cost at least half of what it did!

Trans privilege? That may be an oxymoron. However, hard work and effort, along with some smarts, can get one more advantages than can any privilege alone. For those of us who are mtf, at least we have the advantage of knowing what male privilege can really offer (and it's not necessarily all that women might imagine it to be)."

You are right about the price! And, speaking of price, the State of Ohio just repealed it's very discriminatory "Pink Tax", which added tax on feminine hygiene items as well as other items used almost exclusively by women.  

I have always used an over simplification of male privilege. To me, privilege among men exists mainly from strength, looks, material possessions and/or athletic prowess. Possess one of the tour and you have a better chance of an easier life among your peers.

As easy as that sounds (or doesn't), all is not what it seems. Until you walk the proverbial mile in one gender or the other's shoes, you don't know how many football players would rather wear a cheerleader's uniform or how many powerful men would rather be a soft woman. 

Knowing "Mo" Privilege is often not as easy as it seems.