You Look Great!

Just what everyone wants to hear, right? Especially after seemingly spending hours finding the perfect dress and then adding the perfect makeup to go with it. Plus, how about the extra ten pounds you have just dieted away to make the "perfect dress" look even better. It turns out though, even compliments seem to be gender directed on occasions.

With a similar take on compliments, let's check in with Connie:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJuly 11, 2018 at 12:55 PM

"How about the fact that trans women are often apt to be comparing their own "feminine look" to other trans women's, and some may be just plain jealous. Of course, there are the cross dressers who post pics of themselves endlessly, and most of them are, at least informally, members of a mutual admiration society. This goes toward your recent post about how some cross dressers think transitioning women to be bitches, so why would they bother to give you a compliment? They would think that a bitchy, HRT-sucking trans woman would not offer them one in return?

When I lived outwardly as a man, I would almost always compliment women on a new hairdo. I found that they appreciated hearing it from a man, even if it was the woman in me who was expressing herself - unbeknownst to them, of course.

I remember that my mother was often fishing for a compliment from me when I was young. I'm sure she did so because my father had died when I was very young, and she just needed to receive that attention at home. It did not seem natural for me, as her son, to be handing out compliments to her freely, so it was awkward when she was making it clear that she was hoping for one. The girl in me was quite willing, and I always took note of her style from that perspective. But, then, I expended a lot of energy trying to cover that up. When my mom was attending an etiquette and modeling school, she would always show me what she had learned in class each week. I was very attentive, but made sure that I didn't show my enthusiasm. Just as I learned makeup skills by pretending to need to talk with her, as I stood in the doorway to her bathroom while she was getting herself ready, I learned early-on how to make myself feminine through my mother. If only I had given her the chance to see what she had taught me; the way I turned out might have been the biggest compliment I could have given to her.

I would add that being gracious in accepting a compliment can be just as important as giving one - and often harder to do. "

Great points as always! Thanks for sharing.

Vocalizing?

Recently, we received a couple comments to a Cyrsti's Condo post called "Voice Police" which I have been meaning to pass along and just couldn't find the time (sorry!)

Here they are:

1. 
   MarianJuly 9, 2018 at 5:37 PM

   "Cyrsti -
   
   I found that one of the local colleges near where I live helps Trans folk learn to speak in the Androgynous vocal range with appropriate speech mannerisms. Maybe something like this can be found where you live. Hearing and Speech labs in many colleges like to use TGs as their guinea pigs in exchange for low cost therapy.
   
   In the NYC area where I live, each session from one professional costs $150. At the local college, the same basic therapy (under the supervision of a board certified supervisor) costs $60. Yes, it may not be as good as the $150 sessions, but you get 80-90% of what you're looking for for about 40% of the cost.
   
   M"
2. 
   Michelle HartJuly 10, 2018 at 8:13 AM

   "You may find that after you find your female voice, it will be hard to use the vocal patterns that youve been using for years."
3. Marian, thanks for the reminder! I have heard the educational voice connection idea a couple times. Since I can go through the Veteran's Administration for free, I forget on occasion to mention other options!
4. Michelle, I can't wait for that to happen! :)

Too Much Information?

My transgender - cross dresser support group meeting the other night, turned out to be less than exciting.

We had two new attendees, who, unlike most new people in a group weren't shy about letting us all in on their life stories. I guess I am the bitch in this situation, because I am fairly sure the so called moderators of the group should have called time out on both of them. Then again, one of the moderators should call time out on herself after telling the same stories every two weeks.

She is fond of telling everyone of her new found success in the world as a woman, which is fine, except for two people in the group who have been fired from their jobs for being trans in the last year.

I did get to see the person known as the "ultimate cross dresser" in guy dress and he is right that he is very gender fluid.

I suppose too, the people who talk the most, don't normally have anyone to talk to. I am fortunate to have a partner who encourages me to talk when I get quiet.

So, I should be more understanding and I am working on it.

Maybe, just maybe, the moderators could bring an egg timer, to pass along a gentle hint when another abusive father story goes a little long?

And oh...by the way, I can get very agitated when someone calls me a "gurl." I just don't want to know what that means.