Validation?

Here's a question...what exactly do you think validates you as a woman. Transgender or not.

For me, finally, I came to the conclusion, my validation came from my mind. It took me, many years of "error and trial" to get there.

Of course I started in the mirror. Most certainly, the bewitching person looking back at me just had to be a woman, not just a witch. The mirror grew old quickly and I wanted validation from other sources. My dog didn't care, so people had to be next on the list.

People were hard to find. I lived in a rural setting, with very little access to makeup and other wardrobe essentials including a wig. Finally, I had to bide my time, go to college, serve in the Army and earned the chance to dress as a woman for the first of several Halloween parties.

Comments from the parties were mostly positive and I thought yes, I was being validated as a woman when I heard the comment I would make a better looking girl than a guy. While the comment provided positive reinforcement, in the long term it just proved to be more frustrating than validating.

As I came to the point where I was going out as a cross dresser a couple times a week, again, validations were mixed. Some days were blissful. Followed by ones of out and out hell. How could I ever think I could exist as a woman with people snickering at me.

I didn't quit though and kept going back to the drawing board. It took a while, but finally I came to the conclusion not to dress for men, but for women and life suddenly became easier. I began to have my girl card validated by other women.

From there, I could start to connect other dots and understand my true validation as a transgender woman was inside me all the time. I was born into it. Forget the time I was cornered by an admirer, or the compliments, or the snickers, or the out and out rejections. Being trans was my out and out birth-rite and I was going to seize it before not doing it nearly killed me.

In so many words, when I stamped my own girl card, I was validated and the world followed.

Oh No! Not Ozzie!

Connie sent in a comment to Cyrsti's Condo about which celebrities she has been mentioned as looking like and the complex relationship we trans women develope with beautiful women we have a crush on:

1. FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJanuary 14, 2018 at 3:18 PM

   
   "I've been told that I look like Leann Rimes, Connie Stevens, Jane Fonda, and even Connie Chung. I don't really see it, and I definitely never purposely tried to look like those women - or any woman in particular. I do try to present myself as I feel I am, which is a feminine creature of the human variety. Still, I was once put off a bit when a drunk girl said that I looked like David Bowie, as I am much more toward the feminine end of the gender binary. Maybe I should just be happy that nobody has said I look like Minnie Pearl, Phyllis Diller, or - God help me - Milton Berle in drag.
2. I don't know that I would agree in the lowering of expectations. I see it more as a mental move away from dysphoria toward reality. Whether cis or trans, I think it's normal to idolize beautiful women. Trans women of our age probably held on to our fantasies much longer than our cis contemporaries, just because many of us were living in a closet with no outlet for facing the realities of the outside world - where cis girls naturally become women.
   
   Rachel Welch was also a favorite of mine (and still is because I admire how she's aged with such grace and beauty). Sophia Loren is another, for the same reasons. I was attracted to them, first, in my pre-pubescence, but even more so as the testosterone increasingly affected my being. The dichotomy of both yearning to BE them and to HAVE them really messed with my mind most of the time, but cross dressing relieved the pressure. Even though I recognized that I could not be Rachel or Sophia, I could feel as though I was more like them than I was the boy who desired them sexually. I also recognized, early on, that watching Sophia Loren and Cary Grant in a movie added to my dysphoria. I was attracted to Sophia in the same way Cary Grant was, but I identified more with her than him. At the same time, though, I was not attracted to Cary Grant sexually. Such confusion for a young trans girl! Now, if I could have been Sophia, and Rachel would have been attracted to me, that would have been the best thing ever! Likewise, with Veronica and Betty, or Ginger and Mary Ann. In my mind, I desired Betty and Mary Ann, but I was either Veronica or Ginger in those scenarios. My attempts to cover those thoughts had me acting more like a dopey Archie or Gilligan to the outside world, however. 

1. 

   Wynonna Judd

   
   As I sit here at the computer, I am still in wake-up mode. The mirror on the wall shows me to be a mess of a woman. That's OK, though, because I can get into makeup mode to take away the mess, but I'm still the same woman - either way."
2. When I was much younger and just starting to live a feminine life as a cross dresser, people used to say I looked like Wynonna Judd, the singer. Much better than the bum on a bicycle at Pride last year who thought I was Ozzie Osbourne...yikes! 
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Don't Believe all That you See!

Over the past week or so here in Cyrsti's Condo,  we have covered an amazing amount of ground. From Chelsea Manning's senate run, to dressing for success as a 40 plus aged woman with Deborah Boland. 

And, speaking of looks and your feminine presentation, I have always preached to the choir here about the need for preparation, before you can even begin to think about about putting your best transgender  foot forward in public.

I know from reading her blog, it turns out the "gold standard" in the transgender community, Stana from Femulate feels the same way and passed along an interesting comment about my Raquel Welch crush:

StanaJanuary 15, 2018 at 10:12 AM

Jacqueline Bisset, in 2017

"Actresses Jacqueline Bisset and Jaclyn Smith were my idols. Years later, I mentioned this to a Hollywood makeup artist who was giving me a makeover at a trans convention and he said that I had a better complexion than one of my idols, who he had worked with! So, you never know!"

Thanks Stana!

I always have loved Jacqueline Bisset's voice, as well as her looks.

Stana also mentioned she has had problems posting comments to the blog. If it happens to you, you can email me at cyrstih@yahoo,com. Please just tell me if you dont want the comment posted!

Thanks :)