And Then There Were Three

Last but not least to be sure came this comment from Connie on our Cyrsti's Condo post "Beauty and the Generic Spouse" :

"Without going into my whole story (nobody really has asked me to write it, anyway), I can tell you that, after 46 years (42 of them in marriage), my "wife" and I are still together. Our relationship has changed considerably in the last six years, so that we are now BFFs (always have been) but now without "benefits". She never wanted to see me cross dressed at all, and so I was always careful to keep it hidden from her. It wasn't until she finally understood that it was so much more than cross dressing that she agreed to let me be myself around her. Had I kept up with the guise of a cross dresser, which is all I ever thought I'd be able to do for the rest of my life, we would not be together now. The seemingly simpler concept of cross dressing was much more difficult for her to understand and accept than the complexity involved with me being transsexual has been. The main thing is that cross dressing is something that one "does", while the other is "who you are". She used to ask, in despair, "why are you doing this to ME?" When she finally realized that I was only doing it (cross dressing) as a means of survival, and that it was only but an outward expression of who I am inside, she also realized that I would never, could never stop "doing it". During a couple's counseling session once, the doctor suggested that we negotiate a specific amount of time each week for me to "express myself", and he even used the analogy of an avid golfer agreeing to playing just 18 holes only on Sunday afternoons. Well, that was a stupid thing for him to say, but it did help in that I was better able to explain to my wife the difference between myself and an avid golfer (I would be happy to lose a couple balls, but the golfer wouldn't - KIDDING).

Anyway, I believe that there are so many variables that each case will be different, even if most of it could be the same. In other words, my story may be atypical; your results may vary."

I too Connie went through the "hobby" aspect of cross dressing, years ago-but not so much with the balls-yet.

Seeing as how I have used several "sweeping generalizations" in this post-we all know what a basic selfish pursuit playing with gender is all about. And, I think those of us who have encountered any number of women who have accepted any matter of what we are.  It's the true measure of the gender we are becoming a part of or expressing the gender we have always been.

The tough/cruel part of this is (as Connie wrote) we are just trying to survive and in most cases don't actually have much control of the process.  Must be why we try to kill ourselves in record numbers?

Personally, I find it interesting the number of people I am running into who think somehow my deceased wife was at fault for only accepting me as a cross dresser. A topic for another post.

Beauty and the Generic Spouse Part Two

Several excellent comments on our Cyrsti's Condo post which among other things discussed how your generic spouse reacts to your feminine appearance   I am fairly unflappable, but getting a comment from a "generic" (other than Liz) is rare around here:

Maria HardingJanuary 27, 2015 at 7:29 PM

Thank you, Cyrsti but, are women really competitive? Yes on one hand, no on the other. Until I found my spouse, I would compete however, at least for me, I did not see him as competition. He is, after all, my husband. The head of my household. I see the flip side, men are the competitive ones. For us, no matter how good (or bad) he looks, I let him know! lol. And she has always been my friend, whether she knew it or not. I always have her back.

 

The reason I wrote that Maria, as in all in the other gender differences, I see women as competitive as men -although in more complex ways. A man competes in a simple world, of physical or monetary power. The alpha females I worked with for years, brought it all to the table.  They listened better, were better in tune with their environment and could "bring the pain" in so many ways it may take you days weeks or months to discover.  Even today, when I'm walking into situations I'm not familiar with, I look for the women in the room first for potential problems.

 

FYI- Maria has a blog many of you may be very interested in!  It's called "A Crossdresser's Wife" See! All of you who think I discriminate against cross dressers-here you go!

Full Time Is In the Mind of the Transitioner?

Paula (left) of Paula's Place came up with a wonderful blog post the other day, essentially revolving around going "full time" as a transgender woman.  Here is an excerpt:


"Without any conscious decision being made I have found that over this last week I have in effect gone full time.   Last week I went to both a rehearsal at my Church and a CIWM meeting authentically,   I also came out to my RSCM committee and the All Soul's Orchestra and have received nothing but support.

Then on Sunday evening I was scheduled to be playing with the worship band for our evening service, when it came to it I just couldn't bring myself to "butch up" and so didn't bother getting changed, just refreshed my lippy and went.   While in no way was I particularly flamboyant I would say that I was pretty obviously presenting female.   I don't know what I was expecting or indeed what I feared, but there was no drama, no lightening bolts, and not even any comments.   I suspect that my being trans in now such old news that everyone was just waiting for it happen!"

For some time now, I think my life has paralleled Paula's in that I am not screaming to the world I am transgender, but in the unforgiving winter weather we are experiencing, and with minimum feminine upkeep , the world still knows something is amiss.  I just don't fit in their comfortable binary gender category.  I know though, I am retired and have not faced the terror of coming to work one day as one gender and the next as another. However, as Paula said people around you have to be pretty dense to not notice any transitional changes, going on with you.

One way or another, I love it when someone else writes a blog post for me!!! Thanks Paula! Follow the link above to her blog.

Rest assured, should you decide to make the transitional gender journey, no matter how you do it-the peaks and valleys and twists and turns will keep you guessing!