Regrets?

 

Image from Lucien Andrei 
On UnSplash

Recently I wrote a post which in part involved any regrets I may have had when I transitioned into my authentic feminine life.

Today I decided to go a little more in-depth on such an important topic. Why? Because I can not write enough concerning all we transgender women and trans men can lose we we attempt a gender transition. Families, friends and occupations can all disappear quickly when people close to us and can not adjust to the gender adjustment. 

The biggest mis-conception comes when ordinary citizens think we actually had a choice when we transitioned. Like anyone wants to give up potentially their whole life to live as they please. Often it comes down to a life or death decision when it comes to transitioning. Suicide or self harm becomes a very real possibility for many transgender people, including me. So when it came to regrets, I didn't have many because I was able to transition and preserve my life as I knew it. In essence I wanted to change my life dramatically while I kept my soul. 

Through it all sadly my male person kept hanging on. Somehow he knew his days were numbered because once I had determined I needed to follow a different binary gender path, as a transgender woman, I could never go back. The regrets of leaving a lingering male existence behind were lessened when several obstacles disappeared. The first of which was how much of the old baggage I was able to take with me into a new life. Could I still enjoy several of the same things such as drinking a beer and enjoying my sports teams with like minded people. Or did I always need to plan ahead for hours to put together a feminine outfit everyday I went out. Jeans and a nice top would work to blend in with most of the women in the venues I was used to going to. Life began to normalize out quite nicely when I learned my only child (a daughter) accepted my MtF gender transition totally. The trade off was I lost my brother who did not accept me but the blow was softened when my wife Liz's family took me in. 

As it turned out, life didn't hand me many regrets when I transitioned. I know I was fortunate and probably not the norm when it comes to the transgender community. All I really had to do was find a way to basically financially support myself. I knew there was no way the company I worked for would accept a radically different me interacting with others in the people intensive industry I worked in. I solved my money problems when I decided to retire early and do my best to augment my income with selling collectibles. From that point further my regrets were few and I was free to proceed ahead with living a fulltime life as a transgender woman. 

Of course the biggest regret factor I experienced was the fact I dodged the self harm aspect of not being able to live an authentic feminine life. Once I progressed past that dark period of my life, I was free to concentrate on learning a whole new life, almost. First I needed to mesh my past male self and all his baggage with my new self and her future life. Once I did, any further regrets went away and I embraced a bright future. One I never thought I could ever achieve.