Passing as a Woman out of Sheer Will

Photo from the 
Jessie Hart 
Collection

When you come right down to it, there are many ways to actually pass as a woman. Of course the first way is to attempt to try to know what feminine attributes you might have and go from there. Sadly the whole process entails more work than some are willing to spend time with. Others consider it a labor of love. 

When I first began my serious gender journey to live as my authentic self, I needed to discover without a doubt what my authentic self was all about.  All I really knew was that deep down inside I had never given up the idea I was a girl who was on her way to future womanhood...If I could figure out how do do it.  Seeing as how I possessed very few feminine attributes, my femininization process involved quite a bit of trial and even more error. If it wasn't for low cost thrift stores, I don't know what I would have been able to do. At those stores, I was able to buy low cost women's clothes to experiment with. The whole process took awhile but finally I began to understand the fashion basics I needed to over come my broad shoulders, no hips, and thick torso. I think now I had a one in five chance of finding a fashion accessory that made sense and helped me to work towards my goal of looking as good as I could. Through it all I kept thinking if a blouse, slacks or skirt was big enough to fit another woman, I could wear it also. 

Another major point I came up to encourage myself was, not all cis women passed as a woman either. I did my own research and came up with the idea a cis woman who may not have passing privilege makes it  in life because she makes the best of what nature gave her. Examples would be certain body parts (such as legs or breasts) which stand out all the way to a sparkling personality. At this point my thought processes changed. So what if I would never be the prettiest girl in the room, at the least I could still be the girl and be there. In many ways my new thoughts took the pressure off me striving to perfect my presentation and all of the sudden I was able to take better care of my skin and lose nearly fifty pounds on a diet. Through it all I had to tell myself I was doing the best I could with what I had to work with.  But, then again I still could fall back on all the lectures my parents gave me which said nothing was ever good enough and I could try harder.

During this part of my life, I was going through a period of immense gender discovery. For the first time ever I was going to new venues designed to test my boundaries as a new transgender woman. Most I was successful in, some I was not.  I ran the gamut from being totally accepted and even welcomed as a sign the venue was diverse in it's thinking all the way to being kicked out with the cops being called. Plus, it was during this time I was able to meet and establish friendships with a very supportive and fun group of people I could socialize with as I was desperately lonely. One of the group was another transgender woman who one night told me I passed out of sheer will power. Ironically I knew what she was saying and it took me back to the realization I had years ago. So what if I wasn't the prettiest woman in the room, I still was a woman and that was all which was important. 

These days, for years and years, I have left my old male self behind and have reached the point of having the confidence to live my gender truth full time. If someone has a problem with me, it is their problem not mine.  It most certainly took me long enough to get thereand I had support to do it but mostly my gift of sheer will power put me over the top.