It Takes a Village

In My Messy 
Gender Closet from
the Jessie Hart
Collection.

Even the most secure transgender person (woman or man) would probably admit transitioning was never easy. Some would admit to having transitional help while some transgender individuals had very little assistance. In my case it took a village after a certain point. By that I mean I spent my formative transvestite years very alone to experiment with my mirror.  Every time I was able to afford a new piece of feminine clothing and/or makeup, I was certain I was the prettiest girl in the room. Which was easy to do because I was the only person in the room to start with. I spent my life fearing going out in public but on the other hand wanting to so badly.

In many cases, what happened next in my transition was predictable. I learned the hard way the mirror wasn't my friend and when I finally faced the public. I write often about my poor fashion choices which led to abuse. Even with all the rejection I was facing, I still pushed forward on my own petrified of anyone close learning of my gender secrets. This continued into my days in the military when my appearance as a woman at a Halloween party led me to coming out as a transvestite to several close friends, including my first wife. Once I admitted to them my "costume" wasn't a fluke, it felt like a tremendous load had been removed from my shoulders and it was possible to begin to locate and build what would turn out to be my transgender village. Sadly, I wasn't able to seriously work on my village for years after that. I even attempted to come out of my closet to my Mom but she slammed the door shut.

It wasn't until I began to have success presenting as a woman did my village began to change. As it turned out I did not find the village as much as it found me. The more I ventured out into the public as my new feminine self, it seemed the more the public wanted to know about me if I went to the proper places. I started slowly when I started visiting certain clothing stores and malls on a regular basis. Very soon I grew tired of those places and needed a challenge to see if I could exist as a transgender woman in the world. That is when I began to stop places for a sit down lunch to interact with the staff. I was shocked how fast the public seemed to think I fit in and wanted to even communicate with me.  Communication with the public was something I had never considered because the mirror had never talked back to me. 

Amazingly to me, chances came along for me to build my new village fairly rapidly. I began to be invited to girls nights outs as well as being accepted into small  mixed gender groups in the venues I became a regular in. Looking back, I am sure I had the opportunity to easily stand  out in the crowd, even if it was only because I was bigger than most women. I found once I had reached this point of acceptance, I needed more help in building my village and I found it with the help of several cis-women I used to hang out with repeatedly. My formative gender days with all of them helped me to set the foundation to become the new woman I always dreamed of being. I can never say enough how much they all helped me when it came to me leaving my new village and venturing out. All of a sudden, my closet became a village and it was time to move on with all the help I found. I think my future wife Liz said it best to me when she said very few people have the chance to start over in life. It was my chance to make the best of it.

I did try to make the best of my new life by allowing my long suppressed feminine soul to take control and enjoy her chance to live. She definitely made the most of her chance to shine...with tons of help of my old village.