The Most Important Appointment

Today was my six month virtual visit with my endocrinologist. Quite possibly my most important appointment I have with all the various experts who attempt to keep me on the rails of life. Going a bit further, my endo prescribes and monitors my hormone replacement therapy medications. Without her support I would struggle to be outwardly the feminine person I am today.

Halloween Picture from
Columbus, Ohio Black Party
Courtesy Jessie Hart

HRT is always difficult to write about for several reasons. The first and main reason is that too many  having rogue unmonitored hormones can be extremely detrimental to your health. Estrogen can only take you so far in your outward feminine development before the tables turn. Which I have seen years ago in a couple transgender women at Trans Ohio meetings. Both of them were in ill health and blamed their problems on too much HRT.

On the other hand, under supervision, my years on hormone replacement therapy have for the most part produced magical results. I grew breasts, hair and hips while I went through the second major puberty in my life. But, it took me years to do it, often at minimal levels of added estradiol to my system. Most likely what aided in my progress was the fact I was older when I started around the age of sixty. So my natural testosterone levels were decreasing anyway. While I will always regret waiting so long to begin HRT, at least I could be confident I did the process the right way under medical supervision. To be sure, testosterone poisoning was something I still fight with but the memories of living in a toxic male world will always be with me too. 

Perhaps one of the biggest changes I didn't see coming were the internal ones which no one externally sees. I had heard the stories of emotional changes which occur with HRT but I can't say I was prepared for them when they came and became reality. Finally being able to unleash the emotions of my feminine inner soul was akin to lifting heavy weights from my shoulders. All of a sudden, for the first time in my life, I didn't have to be ashamed to cry. The whole experience was very enlightening. Once of the examples was when my body thermostat changed dramatically. Quickly I went from a person who was never cold to a person who always was. A shock when I found out all those years I thought women were faking it when they said they were cold. 

All of these reasons, plus several more I didn't mention all combine for me to consider my Endocrinologist appointment my most important visit. She checks all my extensive blood work to see if anything appears out of range, refills my Estradiol patches and Spiro and sends me on my way. With a promise to do it all again in six months. I take nothing for granted at my age and sadly am prepared to give it all up if my life depended on it. Which for many transgender women it does. After all gender is in your head. Not between your legs. 

I'm sure though by the time my time has run out, hormone replacement therapy will have done it's part to take years off my life. I will just have to decide if it was all worth it to enable me more completely to live an authentic life I  waited so long to live.