Even though October is still a couple weeks away and the weather is shifting back to summer like conditions, thoughts turn to Halloween. Naturally, my favorite holiday.
|Halloween Witches |
Halloween means so much to me because it allowed me to experiment living as my authentic self in a semi feminine world. I say "semi" because I was normally around people I knew when I dressed up in my so called "costume" so even though I craved compliments, I still had to act as if they meant nothing to me. Perhaps the best compliment I ever received was when a couple of cis women friends said something like if I would ever want to go that direction as a woman I wouldn't have any problems. Little did they know how prophetic it was to say that but on the other hand, problems would be many as a life in transition went by.
Halloween became so important to me I normally couldn't think of much else as early as a month before the actual party date. Many times I would stress on my outfit. Part of me wanted to be as sexy as I could be. On the other hand, I wished I could present well enough as a woman to be mistaken as the person (female) who didn't wear a costume.
Another major problem I had was the industry I worked in. I worked in high volume restaurants as a manager The jobs precluded me from dressing up because of mainly safety issues at work. Plus normally I worked most weekend evenings when all the best Halloween parties took place. As the years went by, I finally was promoted up the line enough I could set my own schedule and make certain I had the proper nights off to attempt a Halloween party. I say attempt because my second wife kept a tight reign on any Halloween escapades I may try.
Since I only had such a small window to try to live my dream of being feminine and even perhaps discover if I could ever live full time as a transgender woman.
Over the next month I am going to feature several Halloween posts which hopefully will describe the path I took. All the way to attempting to set up my own Halloween party in June. Which backfired when only I showed up in costume as a trashy woman.
In the meantime, on occasion I am sad my favorite holiday has been reduced to looking for other men dressed as women. Times change.