Thursday, September 15, 2022

Halloween?

Even though October is still a couple weeks away and the weather is shifting back to summer like conditions, thoughts turn to Halloween. Naturally, my favorite holiday. 

Halloween Witches 
Ball 

Halloween means so much to me because it allowed me to experiment living as my authentic self in a semi feminine world. I say "semi" because I was normally around people I knew when I dressed up in my so called "costume" so even though I craved compliments, I still had to act as if they meant nothing to me. Perhaps the best compliment I ever received was when a couple of cis women friends said something like if I would ever want to go that direction as a woman I wouldn't have any problems. Little did they know how prophetic it was to say that but on the other hand, problems would be many as a life in transition  went by. 

Halloween became so important to me I normally couldn't think of much else as early as a month before the actual party date. Many times I would stress on my outfit. Part of me wanted to be as sexy as I could be. On the other hand, I wished I could present well enough as a woman to be mistaken as the person (female) who didn't wear a costume. 

Another major problem I had was the industry I worked in. I worked in high volume restaurants as a manager The jobs precluded me from dressing up because of mainly safety issues at work. Plus normally I worked most weekend evenings when all the best Halloween parties took place. As the years went by, I finally was promoted up the line enough I could set my own schedule and make certain I had the proper nights off to attempt a Halloween party. I say attempt because my second wife kept a tight reign on any Halloween escapades I may try.

Since I only had such a small window to try to live my dream of being feminine and even perhaps discover if I could ever live full time as a transgender woman.

Over the next month I am going to feature several Halloween posts which hopefully will describe the path I took. All the way to attempting to set up my own Halloween party in June. Which backfired when only I showed up in costume as a trashy woman.

In the meantime, on occasion I am sad my favorite holiday has been reduced to looking for other men dressed as women. Times change.  

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