Friday, July 2, 2021

Transgender Widows

Photo by Norbu GYACHUNG on Unsplash
 The idea for this post comes directly from "Takoda  Patterson" on the "Medium" blog. She writes about a subject which I have been on both sides of, acceptance (or non acceptance) of my transgender leanings by a spouse. You Cyrsti's Condo know the story but before we get to it, in Takoda's words, what is a trans widow?

"A trans widow is a woman (usually heterosexual) whose male partner or husband believes that they have a gender identity other than “man” or who cross-dresses. Often women also report having experienced that their husband or partner has autogynephilic (AGP).

Women in this situation report feeling like their male partner has died. This is particularly true if the partner or husband came out as transgender and decided to transition. The transformation is usually so complete that their partner is unrecognizable as the man they married. Both in looks and personality."

Back to me. My wife and I of 25 years literally waged a gender war of attrition. She unexpectedly passed away from a heart attack when she was 50. Crossdressing on my part was no problem with her but she drew the line when I discussed the possibility of hormone replacement therapy. I am not proud of the times I went behind her back to explore the feminine world and then tried to lie to her about it. My problem was I did love her deeply and selfishly tried to live both sides of the gender spectrum. 

Perhaps some of you have attempted to go down the same road before it became too difficult to do. 

Over the years, I have found life is but a circle and the time I was down and out was repaid by the life I have now. I was able to find and get along with a cis woman who totally accepts my transgender self. I need to point out though the person I found could have just as easily been a man. Selfishly though, I have always been around women in my life so staying with woman was always easier. 

In my case I guess I have been a true transgender widow since my wife passed away in 2007.




1 comment:

  1. My wife is a trans widow. When asked how she's been able to handle my transition, she'll tell you that she had to, first, mourn the loss of the man she married. So did I, really. We've been married for 49 years, but it's not the same marriage that we had for the first 40. I know, however, that it would have ended altogether had I continued with the deceit that accompanied and facilitated my cross dressing. I was lying to her and to myself, because I was never really a cross dresser. Even after I came to realize that fact, I continued to live a double life (unsuccessfully, for the most part) for a number of years.

    Unlike your situation, my wife was far more receptive to my transitioning than she was to my cross dressing. I'm so much more accessible, both physically and emotionally, than I was when I was sneaking out to "get my girl on." Furthermore, a night out led to my depression the next day. I would wake up the next morning still feeling every bit the woman I had been the night before, and I just couldn't bear the thought of facing the day as a man anymore. My wife recognized this, and she decided that she'd rather have a happier woman in her life than a depressed husband. However, she will never waver from her declaration to me that she made in the beginning: "I am not a Lesbian!".

    ReplyDelete