|Pre Covid martial arts banquet.|
Every time I finish an appointment with my long time therapist, my partner Liz always digs deep to discover if I have told her (or anyone) of my deepest secrets. Yesterday, I finally told her (Liz) no I don't go that deep with my therapist. I have a tendency to dance around any subject which pertains to me. We have been having sessions now for nearly a decade now so her familiarity with me allows me to dance away and rarely does she (therapist) catch me.
I'm sure the reason I do it is goes back to the majority of my life when I struggled to hide my gender dysphoria totally along with the inability to even understand what was going on with being bi-polar. Needless to say the entire process was very difficult and I became very good at hiding my true self from others.
Even though Liz still has to take a pry bar to me to get me to show emotions, I am trying in my own backward way to be more outgoing.
As far as my therapist goes though, maybe I should pull down the barriers and let her have it. Then again maybe not. My Dad was very emotionally withdrawn. It's just so difficult to overcome.