A Delicate Subject

From 2014 After My First Hair Salon Visit
As I am continuing to write different chapters in my book, one in particular has me slightly on edge. I have named the Chapter, "What is a Woman?" It's one of the chapters I literally started years ago and I was surprised how much my ideas have changed. For one, I have mellowed out in my overall ideas. Even though my basic ideas have not changed. I  don't believe biological females are born women. I also believe biological males are not born men. Both genders are socialized during their lives to hopefully become women and/or men. So where does that leave transgender women? If it walks like a duck, acts like a duck and look likes a duck...is it a duck? 

Naturally, we trans women find ourselves in a different place than biological women. We found our path to our own unique brand of womanhood a totally different way. Unfortunately, many of us were scarred by the process. Personally I knew women operated on a more layered existence than men. Although times do seem to be changing slightly, it is normally up to the women to raise a family (including taking care of a man) kids and a house while often having to hold down a job. I can't imagine the stress involved with living that kind of life. 

All of this takes me back to my cross dressing days when my wife accused me of just wanting to pick the "fun" aspects of being a woman and leaving the rest behind. I was guilty as charged. 

It's true also that cis women lead a rather intense hormonal driven life. At puberty they go through the intense changes which basically stick around (with monthly periods mixed in for good measure) until menopause. Even though the binary gender known as cis women live longer than cis men, they face an old age made of various illnesses such as brittle bones. I read somewhere that men live brief violent lives compared to long miserable lives for women. 

Regardless of all of that, I believe my journey on both sides of the gender fence has led me to quite a few unique perspectives. Plus, my addition of feminine hormones has given my emotions a feminine edge, or at the least more of a softer exterior to match an interior person who often longed for the feminine side of life. I don't think HRT has made me anymore of a trans woman but has helped me to feel more of the world along the way. 

Bottom line is, for either binary gender, it's not how you feel as much as how you interact with the world. It just so happened that everyday when I woke up in the morning, I questioned my gender and I forever will regret having to do that. Along the way, I had to find away to succeed in the male dominated world I was in and I did. Thus, I knew how I felt but was never sure how I was going to interact and maintain any of the life as I knew it. 

I am going to take the easy way out here and say a "female" knows what she is from birth and sometimes grows into a woman. A transgender woman is not sure of what she is at first. But once she does discover it, she has a much of a chance of growing into a woman too as the female.


  1. I have to agree with your statement about women not being born women and men not being born men. Socialization IS the basis behind how we eventually turn out in later life. Women learn from day one from their mothers and the female around them where males just seem to blunder their way through life.

    Women also have instilled in them the ability to see life from both the hard and soft sides. They take that ability and improve on it so that they can learn to cope with the physical and emotional aspects of being female. Men don't have to worry about things like peer pressure, periods, hormonal mood swings and a whole bunch of other things women deal with from birth.

    Many cross dressers are also guilty of just wanting the "Fun" aspects of female life such as dressing in pretty, silky clothes and trying to exude being sexy. Women on the other side have to deal with those parts but in a different way that can become scary at times. Something that men will never have to deal with because they are the cause of that fear. The leering, sexual innuendos, the dominating ways they treat women.

    And don't even get me started on how women have to deal with their hormones that they can never just turn off. Even a total hysterectomy doesn't stop her body from producing that one thing that makes a cis women a biologic women. The hormones cause physical problems that again men will never have to worry about.

    I do agree with your statement that once a trans woman learns who she is and can start transitioning will she finally have the chance to becoming a true woman. It's just a shame that some of us had to wait so long to finally get to that point.

  2. "Sugar and spice, and everything nice" or "Snakes and snails, and puppy dog tails" is certainly a simplistic view of what we each may have been "made of." Nevertheless, those were the expectations for those of us born 60+ years ago. Even though we may have tried to live up to those expectations in our youth, though, these were not necessarily predictors of what we would grow up to become. I think that the vast majority of us retained elements of each - to one degree or another, and attaining either womanhood or manhood is really not predicated on the expectations of our youth.

    I like to say that I am the woman I was born to become. All women could say that. The difference in becoming a cis woman and a trans woman (or woman who happens to be trans) is that a trans woman not only becomes, but has much to overcome in getting there.


Post a Comment

Popular Posts