The Essence of being Transgender

This week I had an appointment with the doctor who prescribes my bi-polar medications. She is normally very pleasant, business like and the visit only lasts approximately 15 minutes.

On this day though, she had a student with her and I guess needed the extra time with me.  I am happy to say I haven't had many problems with depression or anxiety lately. She surprised me when she brought up my Mtf gender dysphoria being a factor in feeling better. Undoubtedly I said it was.

Then she questioned dysphoria as being a part of the essence of being transgender. About this time, I noticed the student staring intently at me waiting for an answer. Sensing a time to educate two civilians, I used part of my time to explain my problems with gender dysphoria during my life. Quickly I decided  trying to reflect totally on the true essence of being transgender would have bored everyone in the room. Plus, the truth of the matter is all of our essences are different. An example would be, we have two new attendee's in our support group who are just coming out of the closet. Just think of all the exciting yet terrifying times ahead for them.

I also told her the experiences I have had recently with compliments on my hair. And how Thanksgiving for me was a time to step back and reflect on the good things in my life.

Finally, I pointed out I haven't had any extreme surgery and aside from my HRT hormone regimen, what you see of me is what you get. Even though it has literally been years since I have received any negative feedback from the public, I still have a tinge of paranoia in certain situations and probably will have till I die.

In order to wrap this up as simply as I can, I feel the essence of being transgender is living with the knowledge of being on both sides of the gender fence. As my doctor said this week, undoubtedly I have seen a tremendous amount of living in my life.

Over the years, recently I have come to appreciate it!

Comments

  1. Interesting, I truly believe that all our experiences are different, I don't think I experienced any real dysphoria untill after I started to transition. Now I have had some pretty serious surgery, I haven't had any negative comments from anyone for ages, yet like you I am still always aware of my difference, and my need to justify my existence, even if only to myself. I know that I will always have that male experience to counterbalance the female future I look forward to.

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