Tuesday, April 3, 2018

I'm Just Me?

Ironically, sometimes ideas just seem to come together about the transgender life path I have chosen. On the way to Transgender Day of Visibility, my partner Liz took a moment to remind me how far I have come in the past several years in the quest to be my true self. She pointed out how much more confident and secure I am today.

Then, Shelle (long time friend) wrote into to Cyrsti's Condo and said she didn't even think of herself as a transgender woman at all, anymore...just a woman.

As I thought it out, I just think of myself as me and let the world sort out the rest. To be sure, male was always a struggle for me to do. Woman has/is been so much easier, after I climbed certain walls and made quite a few falls along the way.

Now, me is woman and always has been, so I guess I could lose the transgender part too but I don't. For one big reason:

Years ago, I watched as so many transsexuals climbed their ivory towers and proclaimed to the world they were women and then just disappeared. Fading into societies woodwork. In many senses that was all well and good. At the same time though, there were no "gate keepers" to show younger people who did consider transitioning the way. What exactly were the differences between cross dressers, transgender or transsexual women?

It turns out now, the younger generation is solving the issues for us anyhow. One of the main sub topics of the TDoV last weekend had to do with gender fluidity and why we all have to be judged from a strict gender binary basis anyhow. Somehow, someway, my generation missed the point totally.

What we didn't miss was, the chance to start breaking down gender discrimination barriers to begin with and to start the movement to truly bring the "T" into and under the LGBT umbrella as an equal partner for once.

So, there is pride for me. Pride in being a survivor. After all, I made it through all those nasty years in a closet without actually managing to kill myself. A part of me wanted to show that to the world and as a matter of fact, is one of the reasons I write this blog.

At the end of the day, I am just me, and I am proud to say I am transgender because I did cross the gender divide. However, if the truth be known, I was always just a woman anyhow. Just a another label.

1 comment:

  1. "Always Something There to Remind Me"

    I walk along the city streets you used to walk along with me
    And every step I take reminds me of just how we used to be
    Well, how can I forget you, girl?
    When there is always something there to remind me
    Always something there to remind me.

    As I've followed the path of my own transition, I have found myself, at times, at a place where I've felt totally myself. This is the place that has no label, other than ME; without the separation that the "T" causes. As in the lyrics of the song, I used to be so aware of my transgender status that I did feel as though I was walking next to myself. Over time, as my confidence and self-acceptance has increased, I have been able to meld who I was with what I was. In doing so, the "what" has almost disappeared from my mind, and the "who" has become much more clear to me.

    How I'm perceived by others seems to require that they use a label for me, even if I've given up the label myself. Whether it's a face-to-face encounter, media report, or just a puzzled look from a passerby that I catch from the corner of my eye, there is always something there to remind me that the transgender label is still applied to me. The label serves to separate me, at best, into "used to be a man/now a woman." I imagine that there are many people who would refer to me, when talking to someone else, as "the transgender woman in the purple sweater" or, much worse, as "that t****y over there." A result of my increased self confidence, however, is that I now realize that what anyone else is thinking about me is really none of my business.

    I see myself as an ambassador, rather than an advocate or activist, for the transgender community. With the awareness that I am being labelled "transgender" by others, it's my job (although it no longer feels like work to me) to just be the best ME I can be when interacting with the masses. My hope is that others will come to see me as the woman I am, and not how I came to be. As such, they may be more inclined to drop the label for others like me. Maybe I can change the lyrics to just "sometimes something there to remind me" one day, then.