Friday, February 27, 2015

Burying the Mascara?

Of course, so many of us "started" our cross dressing activities in our Mother's clothes and makeup.  Also, the majority of us either spent tons of energy "hiding" our "hobby" from Mom for years and years.

I have written numerous times here in Cyrsti's Condo about my relationship with my Mom who has long since passed away.  She was very much a product of the "Greatest Generation".  She grew up through the Depression Years and WWII.  She was also a teacher, outspoken and had a real edge. 

Another focus of my therapy visit was my own lack of empathy.  Really me? Get away Lol!  And then returned to my upbringing and Mom. Finally, I mentioned the electro shock therapy suggestion Mom threw out when I came out to her in 1975 as a transvestite. 

Excuses turned out not the best solution with my therapist as I said (truly) I didn't have much emotional connection growing up with either of my parents.  They were great providers and cared deeply for their children but just did not have the capacity to be emotional role models.  So, I told the therapist, I didn't view my Mom as my ideal feminine role model.  Without missing a beat she said, why don't you "adopt" another "role model?" And, if you did, who would she be?

Good question.  Ideally, my perfect role model would be mixtures of feminine values such as intelligence, nurturing, spiritual mixed in with a soft touch of vulnerability.  After the laughter in the room calmed down, (not many of those Goddesses running around!) We moved back to Mom.

To make a long story short, at 65 years, at three in the morning the other night-I decided to remember all the good things about Mom and love her for what she was in the era she lived. Some of you do know too, I'm am beginning to make my very first efforts at changing my gender markers.  The names I am adopting come from my Grandfather on Mom's side - Jessie and Mom's name as my middle name.  Cyrsti, for lack of a better term will become sort of a stage or writer's name.

One thing is certain, after I do it and Mom quits spinning in her grave-I can hear her say "Don't tell your Dad!"

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