Honey I'm Home

This morning as I looked into the mirror, it occurred to me how mach I have changed and how much I haven't. 

Of course, over the years I have been able to grow a respectable set of breasts and quite the head of hair which now extends to the middle of my back. My ability to have been able to have gone on hormone replacement therapy has provided me with all of this.

What it never did provide me was an overall peace of mind. To start with, let us go all the way back to my childhood. I have seen ideas over the years of when children determine their gender. The bottom line is the time can be variable but the result is the same. Or is it? My problem with the whole idea is what if I never definitively came up with what gender I wanted to be. The best I could ever come up with was the somewhat vague idea I really wanted to be a girl, even though I was firmly entrenched in a male world. 

My idea is now, the time of gender indecision I was going through was the beginning of my gender dysphoria. Which I still suffer from today. In fact, I did this morning. Somehow, someway I was still the questioning child in the mirror.

Perhaps I will never be home. I only desire is to not be mis gendered and dead named when I die. 

More than likely, it will be the only time I will have a true understanding of why my life turned out the way it did. I will finally make it home. Until that time, it seems I will be stuck with me telling the mirror "No matter what you say mirror, all you see is me."

Finally! A Transgender Sports Illustrated Model

Following in the footsteps of all the gorgeous transgender women in the past who could have graced the pages of the Sports Illustrated Swim suit Issue but weren't allowed, we finally have one who could.

Now, Brazilian Valentina Sampaio has made history as an impassioned activist and true LGBTQ pioneer. And by saying she represents the well rounded woman who Sports Illustrated is proud to have representing them.

Your Mom told you What?

Many of us seemingly were raised to a greater extent by our Mothers more than Fathers who for what ever reason seemed to be away earning the all important living. Some of us even had the benefit of a semi-accepting Mother. Others like "Sara Michelle" who wrote into the blog even benefited from a Mother who taught her how to feed and take care of herself. Sara actually wrote in commenting on the transgender woman appearing on the "Worst Cooks in America" television show:

"Nice to see a trans woman on a show like that! That being said, one of the 1st things my mother taught me at an early age. Was to be able to cook and take care of myself! Along with her managing a career and raising the rest of the family!"

In my family, the essence of cook training was if my brother and I liked our bologna fried or cold. It wasn't until later during my Army years I learned to seriously take care of myself. 

Continuing on the subject of Mothers, I have always been curious how many of us can remember being secretly (or not so secretly) fixated on our Mothers when they applied their makeup. It's difficult for me to remember back that far but I think I was.  On the positive side, I didn't go as far as Connie when she "borrowed" her Mom's car and wig and went out for a spin in the middle of the night.

However you were raised, it's a near certainty Mothers could have had a real serious impact on our lives. More so than a non transgender civilian. My life circumstances sent me into a deep closet I still have problems with on occasion. And since both of my parents have long since passed on. I have very few memories of what they would have thought if they had found out they had a daughter, not a son. So it's way to late now to cry over spilled makeup. 

Finally, thanks for the comment Sara Michelle.

Bolivia's First Transgender Television Anchor

Twenty-six-year-old Leonie Dorado has been tapped as the new cohost of the Bolivian program Aby Ayala TV, becoming the first transgender news anchor in the country's history. 

The milestone may lead to a turning point in the largely conservative South American country, 

Hot. Hot, HOT

Connie has returned with a comment concerning my post on reaching a new level of comfort in my feminine skin when I went out yesterday to pick up a prescription for Liz. As I mentioned we are right in the middle of a hot and humid heat wave here in Ohio. Here's Connie:

"For some reason, the chorus to this old Jerry Reed song comes to mind:

When you're hot, you're hot .....................
When you're not, you're not

Of course, the song is not about the temperature, and refers to gambling rather than feminine presentation. At the same time, though, I can remember sweating out some attempts at feminine presentation, and doing so can also be a gamble - that is, it's a gamble if I think of it as a win or lose proposition.

I haven't been working for the past couple months, but my wife has returned to work two days a week. Her usual form of transportation was the bus, but we don't trust those rolling petrie dishes these days. So, I have been driving her to and from work. When I do, I'm often reminded of my childhood, when we had only one car, and my mom would drive my dad to work in the morning when she needed the car during the day. She still had the curlers in her hair, so she covered it with a scarf. Her nightgown was covered by a car coat, and the only makeup she wore was lipstick. Sometimes, she would put on sunglasses.

I do much the same, now, except that I have no hair for curlers and cover my head with a wig instead of a scarf. I'm probably just as vain as my mother was, but some things are not worth all the time and trouble of getting all prettied-up to do. As a child in the back seat, I somehow related to, and admired, my mother more so than I did my father for going to work.

It's funny that I don't really have recollections of the afternoons, when we went back to pick my dad up. I know that my mother was fully dressed and made up, as am I when I pick my wife up now. Maybe, when one is sure of herself, the song should go:

When you're hot, you're hot,
When you're not.......you're STILL HOT!"

Yup! Still hot!

Get Cooking

If you have ever watched the Food Network on television, they have a show which is called the "Worst Cooks in America." This season, the show has featured a first...a transgender woman contestant. Domaine Javier is the trans woman and she is an actor, writer and nurse. She holds seven college degrees, so it's no wonder she hasn't had time to learn how to cook.She was also the first trans woman to crowned a homecoming queen in the US in 2010. For more, go here.

A New Acceptance

It's been Ohio hot around here. Heat index highs daily have registered over 100 degrees (F) for a week now. To make matters worse, our air conditioner in the house doesn't work. Due to these conditions, I have decided to pursue my "natural" look more completely. 

Of course, it is easy because I don't go anywhere to speak of since I am staying home to be safe. On occasion though, I do have to go out. This morning was an example. My partner Liz had an emergency prescription she needed picked up at the pharmacy.  Since I wasn't doing anything else important, I volunteered to go get it for her. 

For the first time I can remember I just went as I was and used the drive through. I just pulled my hair back and went for it. I was wearing sleeveless tank top, jeans and tennis shoes. Of course, as I did it it wasn't such a big deal because all I did was go through a drive thru. 

But after I returned home, I began to think of all those years I had to try to get dressed up to even consider going out. I guess I should give ll my thanks to the effects of hormone replacement therapy. It has taken me to a point past androgyny and all the way to being feminine enough to get by with out much work.

This new acceptance of who I am has come just in time for a hot summer!

Another Huge Anniversary

Coming up very soon in August will be the 100th anniversary of the ratification of the 19th amendment to the constitution known as the right to vote for American women. To put the whole struggle into perspective, the movement started all the way back in 1848 and the campaign was not easy.

Vintage Flapper" Cross dresser

Disagreements over strategy threatened to cripple the movement more than once, I can imagine! I was watching the History Channel and they were running a promo for the anniversary which said one rally drew 5000 women and 100,000 men. I can imagine the turmoil which the whole subject may have caused in my household. I am seventy years old and my Dad's mother was plenty old enough to be involved in the process. My family was very patriarchal dominated so I wonder what my Grand-dad thought too. Of course I will never find out. My parents would have been too young to experience much of the 20's and they have been deceased now for years.

I'm sure if times were equal, not all women back in the day probably agreed on acquiring the right to vote anyhow. It's like today when you would think no self respecting woman would support "Benedict Donald" and even more so a transgender woman. I won't go into why, because this didn't set out to be a political post. Plus, transgender women are notorious for not agreeing on anything.  

It's hard for me to believe I am but two generations away from women taking the right to vote. Just think, five years ago when I changed my gender markers to female I was busy appreciating the move. What I should have been doing was remembering all the women who came before me who did all the work! 

It's something for me to remember as we approach the anniversary.

Jewish Changes

Over the recent years, I have had the opportunity to be accepted into one branch of the Jewish religion. I have not converted but my daughter has. I believe the temple she and her family belongs too is part of the Reform Jewish movement. I have always appreciated the complete acceptance I received. From Southern Florida comes another example of transgender acceptance from one branch of the Jewish religion:

Samantha Zerin (above) headed home from a Yiddish class she had taught as part of her synagogue’s adult education program on the evening of Dec. 19 and knew her life was about to change. That evening, the 775 families at Temple Emanu-El would be getting a message that she knew would surprise some of the people she had gotten to know since joining the community 3 1/2 years earlier.

“Over the past several years, Sam has been exploring Sam’s gender identity,” read a message sent to the congregation from Samantha and her wife, Rachel. “This has been a journey for both of us, full of introspection, learning, and growth. Through this journey, we have come to realize that, although Sam was raised as a boy, she is in fact a woman, and she is ready to begin living her life publicly as such.”

There is much more to Samantha's story you can read here.  The article is called "Coming out as transgender when you are married to a rabbi. Becoming a Rebbetzin.

While we are on the subject of being Jewish, my grandson's Bar Mitzvah turned out to be a virtual affair for Liz and I. She (Liz) wasn't feeling well and since we are living in a virus hot spot in Ohio,  we decided not to go. Fortunately, Liz later felt better. 

So we are home being safe and always wear masks when we go out.