Legally Complete

Dinner with Liz on the right
Jessie Hart

Yesterday, Liz and I made the big step of going to the courthouse and obtaining a marriage license following eleven years of knowing each other. No need to hurry, right? 

After walking what seemed like a mile to me to get to the courthouse, we made our way by elevator to the tenth floor where marriage licenses are done. As I waited for the process, the more nervous I became. How would the clerk perceive us and would there be a bias. At the least we would be perceived as two women getting married and at the worst I would be outed as a transgender woman marrying a cis-woman. It turned out the only major problem I was going to have was my own fault. There was a pre-certification process I had to fill out before we went to pick up and/or do the licensing process.

For one, somehow I filled out the wrong question concerning my deceased wife and they had me as divorced at the time of her death. If all of that was true (it wasn't) I would have had to come up with a divorce decree. I was able to convince the clerk I filled the form out wrong and I was definitely still married to her when she passed away. 

Once I passed that hurdle, I had to go way back in my old noggin to 1978, to my divorce from my first wife. I was able to search county records on line from my hometown and actually located the file of our disillusionment I was looking for. Ironically the hardest part of the entire process turned out to be the part I did correctly because the clerk said all my information had been accepted.

From then on, it was clear sailing as we filled out the rest of the necessary paperwork and paid out the seventy five dollar fee. By the way, no bias was shown due to our gender situation. For all the clerk knew, we were two women getting married. Just the way I wanted it. The only thing that made it difficult was my own mistakes filling out the information.

We are all set now until the official wedding date of October 16th. Liz in particular is excited for her first marriage. 

Last night we celebrated by going to our favorite Mexican restaurant to have a Margarita and talked about our past, present and most importantly our future. Somehow I have always felt two is better than one so yes I am excited about the future.    

Time Flies

Liz and I on New Years Eve

 Unfortunately for her, one of my Mom's well worn comments I never forgot  when she caught me wishing time away went something like this, "Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you come to the end, the faster it goes." 

The idea of Mom's is certainly coming true for me. An example is coming up tomorrow when Liz and I go down to the courthouse to secure our marriage license. It seems not so long ago the need to go was still weeks away. Before I know it, October 16th will be here and we will be married by our officiant Josh. For all of you who may wonder what an "officiant" is, Liz and I have not decided to be married by a minister/priest in a church. Josh is recognized by the state to do weddings and file the proper paperwork. He is also the leader of Liz's coven she is part of, so we will be in good hands. 

Hopefully, since we will be in an outdoor shelter hosue, the weather will cooperate also. 

Of course, this upcoming wedding is just one example of something either I never thought would happen or would be so far into my future I wouldn't have to worry about it for awhile. The older we get, the more time becomes compressed and moves along with more purpose. Perhaps it is why we think time is flying faster than before. Also when we were younger, you had time to overcome mistakes such as gender related issues. In all too many instances (such as my own) families need to be replaced and new friends secured. 

I was so old when I transitioned (60) I was certain a new life as a transgender woman was going to be a very solitary experience. One I was prepared to make even though I was still trying to meet others on line and in the very few venues I went to. Against all odds, Liz responded to an on-line search for that special someone. Impossibly I couldn't believe it was happening to me. 

Most of you know the rest of the story, in under a month I will be seventy three and shortly after that I will be into my third marriage. My first marriage ended fairly well and she knew the entire time I was a cross dresser. Most importantly my first wife was the mother of my only child, a daughter. The best gift ever. My second wife who also had no problems with my cross dressing always drew the line at any ideas of me having a transgender future passed away unexpectedly from a massive heart attack. No way possible did I ever think there would be a Mrs. Hart that  she would be me. 

Time does really fly by as the roll of toilet paper moves faster and faster.  

More Planning

 

Photo Courtesy Connie Malone

This comment comes from Connie concerning a recent post I wrote about actually planning your gender transition:

"I dare say that the attempted balance of a male/female existence requires much more planning than does the actual transitioning process. Of course, by planning, I mean the controlling, conniving and deceptive behavior necessary to make time for expressing one's desired gender.

For a while, before I made the move to transition, I wondered if my gender dysphoria might only be an addiction, not unlike other addictions such as alcohol, drugs, or gambling. My behavior certainly matched, point by point, the lists that describe an addict, with planning my life choices around the perceived addiction, itself, being the overwhelming destructive force.

Compartmentalization of the two binary gender expressions seems to be attainable by some, but not by me. I really did try to make it work, though, for many years. It requires much control to do so (or so I thought for myself), and I eventually gave way to the weakness (my perceived addiction) that took things out of control. This is why I say that although I will never apologize to anyone for being a transgender woman, I must beg for forgiveness for the things I did and didn't do in order to feed the perceived addiction.

In retrospect, I can say that my addiction was not to my gender identity or dysphoria, but it was to the destructive behavior, itself. My plans were obviously misdirected. As Yogi Berra once said, “If you don't know where you are going, you'll end up someplace else.”

Is that like saying "No matter where you go, there you are?"

Thanks for the comment!