Voice Training Day One

All the angst surrounding my first day of voice training has come and gone, mixed in with a liberal amount of excitement.

As I waited, I had myself convinced the person doing the work wouldn't have any experience at all with a transgender women going down the same path as I. As it turned out, a totally unfounded fear since the first thing she asked me was how long I had been out. And, what pronouns I preferred!

Then, we embarked on an hour's worth of measuring my voice on a neat little machine with a microphone and blue lines with solid gray ones. The closer I could get my blue lines to the gray ones the better.  It turns out too, my natural voice isn't so far off a feminine range, which should make the whole process easier. I thought all in all the session went pretty successful.

My vocal problems seem to come from trying to do too much. For example, when I try to raise my voice too high, it cracks. Then becomes scratchy.

All of that is the good news, the bad news is my instructor just finished up her masters from Ohio University and is headed South to Charleston, South Carolina, so I have to start all over with a new person in two weeks when I go back.

In the meantime, I have daily homework assignments to do to designed to stretch my vocal cords more or less permanently.  Plus, I have to work on reversing fifty plus years of male style talking. Men have a tendency to speak more forcefully. I have to work how I approach my sentences and attempt to speak in a more "sing-song" pattern.  I have to do it until it becomes natural.

The things I have on my side are time and enthusiasm.

I just hope my next instructor is as good!

Dysphoria

Recently, I happened along a couple of close acquaintances who were commenting on their gender dysphoria "raising" it's ugly head again.

I got to thinking about it and whose doesn't?

I thought back to the days (especially when I wake up) and look in the mirror and see male. Then again, other times, I see female, or a mixture of the two.

As negative as it seems, I am trying to prepare myself for the prospect I will always be gender dysphoric.

I might point out too, at least one of the people I know has gone through genital realignment surgery. She thought surely going through the procedure would relieve the problem.

I would suppose the only words of wisdom I could give anyone seeking to travel a similar transgender path as I have is...be prepared to never quite lose your sense of gender dysphoria.

Just use it to make yourself a better trans woman...or trans man. 

Dressing for the Troops?

Shelle lles sent in a great comment concerning my seemingly constant quandaries about what I wear to certain events, especially around other trans women or cross dressers: (the troops)

Shelle IlesAugust 4, 2018 at 10:27 AM

"You are a dear friend so I hope you won't take this the wrong way, but I notice that most of the events you attend are with other transgender people or dressers.
Which may or may not drive your choice of wardrobe at these events.
I mainly go to just regular people events so I observing mostly cisgender lady's I tend to dress more like what I observe in a more or less normal type situation so I don't worry as much about makeup and that kind of thing because the women I'm around mostly don't do it. Of course I do enjoy having nice nails, hands and feet and some jewelry, but for the most part I'm pretty natural.
Just offering a slightly different perspective here.
I as I look at my life I have come to realize that I really didn't set out to be a Transgender, I just knew I was always a woman and not so much anything else. I guess being a transgender was never my goal, even though that's what I would be labeled by people on that side of life. I live in the regular world as a woman which is where I think I belong best."

To be certain, some of the events I go to are dominated by transgender women and or cross dressers. However, just as many aren't. For example, the picnic I am going to Sunday, I probably will be the only trans woman there. Plus on karaoke nights, the group meets in a very straight bar and I loath thinking I would stand out like a clown. Several of the "girls" manage to do it every week when they try to sing, or worse yet dance. I keep telling myself there is a place in heaven for a six foot two person in three inch heels trying to find rhythm  and then dance. Oh well, at least they are having fun, I just couldn't subject myself to that.

I like your perspective and attempt at all times to dress to blend. Sometimes though, it's fun to just try to show off. Being the bitch I can be (and I never say anything) I can't help but notice how many of the other "attendees" may spend a little too much time in the thrift stores.

One of the bigger compliments (I think) I have received in a while was last night, when Liz asked me if I was going to finish my make-up and I had previously. I too agree, iand as much as I can, I go the natural route. 

Thanks for the thought provoking comment!