The Future is Now?

Hey, I'm as good as the next person at procrastination.  In fact, my therapist who has this pesky habit of listening to me, asked what was coming up next (in my grand scheme) after the gender marker boogey is over?

The question came back to me from something I said to her - a (true) comment about my fondness for procrastinating forever  I told her I need to get a project done while I'm thinking about the next one and I struggle to finish or start either.

Like I said, I figured she (the therapist) was not listening to all my babble. Hell, I don't listen to me (except when I talk to myself.).

She is an excellent therapist though and did ask me what was next? I have a circle of friends, a daughter and partner to die for. And now, I'm journeying down the winding road of a legal name/gender marker change. 

So, what is next? If I was to meet my maker tomorrow and- after I was polite and asked her what the hell was she thinking-what would we chat about?

I'm fairly sure she would slap me up the side of my noggin and say "How many times have you talked about paying forward?" 'Do it Dummy!'

So, Finally tonight I am looking forward to meeting a group "of the sisters and brothers" in a transgender only get together which happens once a month here in Cincinnati. Plus, in a week or so, I will be heading back to the LGBTQ safe haven group "Love Must Win Inc" group in Northern Kentucky.

I know it's just a start, but every little bit I can do may help. About everytime I get secure on my rickety pedestal, I meet a person like we met at the Leelah Alcorn remembrance recently. Her name was 'V" and she was in shock by being outed on FaceBook the day before. She lives in a super redneck town a little farther into the Kentucky hills where I sure you will see a Confederate flag or two on the back of pickups.

So yes, the future is now for me. I am in a unique situation to do something-anything.and I must! What will my grandkids think of me if I don't?

   

"The Mousse Is Loose?"

As I have mentioned before here in Cyrsti's Condo- taking estrogen again is having it's expected affect on my hair. It's filling back in quickly.


That's the good news, now the 'other news'. Well- it's not really bad. It's the reality part of where I am now as a transgender woman. Plus,in the spirit of doing this blog at all, I wouldn't be doing what I set out to do if I didn't pass along any of my insights I could.


First of all, I have a natural wave to my hair. Essentially I can try to flat iron it into submission - or mousse it into remission. What we like to call around here :the mousse is loose! 

In the DIY girl world I have found myself (Do it yourself) I have found how easy it was to grow a head of hair my daughter wondered why she didn't inherit, all the way to nearly destroying it.

Plus, the all important bar mitzfah is coming up and I need to attempt to put my best hair forward, The pesky gray hair I have just doesn't want to go away for long!  

I love the softness and overall results I get with the Loreal brand and this time I am thinking about one of the "Feria" Power Reds for the next cycle. I should too try to exercise restraint and wait a little longer to get my drivers license updated with the fresh hair color. Color two birds with one color?

On top of that (literally) I think I have my outfit picked out for the evening and I am sure we will be discussing that later!

Freedom!!!!

I sincerely try every day for a brief moment or so to write in my journal (new age diary?) Light some incense (old hippie) and thank my **Goddess for a new day. Sure, you can accuse me of being a "rah-rah" type but health, life and so many other distractions come along, I have to be positive.

As life comes down to pushing and shoving me though, just being able to lead my life as I see fit is the ultimate freedom. 

Of course you all know where I'm going with this- if I can't live as a transgender woman-what's the point?

I did my 60 plus years of playing society's games to get here, so yes, I can be selfish and enjoy times like the last couple of days. As I have written about here in Cyrsti's Condo, Liz and I went out to a packed sports bar to watch football Saturday night, then Sunday afternoon we went to an art gallery to look at a mutual friends work.

My point is, I didn't have to worry about anything else in the world - but the world. No stares, no whispers etc. 

"Mama Freedom" is pretty fickle though, and I know that. She needs to be nourished and even fought for when needed. She is also good for giving you a gift - then taking it away. That's why I pause my life for a second everyday to add my appreciation.

**I believe deeply in a deity, I just don't believe for a second the deity has a specific gender, but I prefer mine to be feminine in nature. However, not a shy retiring femininity.

If you research the Hindu Goddess Kali  you will find her to be the black one and the force of time. Therefore Kali is called the Goddess of Time, Change, Power, Creation, Preservation, and Destruction.
Loosely based- I chose her because of my gender expressions-destroying the male and creating the female. 

For more radical images just Google "Kali Hindu Goddess"