Can't Means Won't

Image from Moritz
Mentgez on Unplash 

Often when I read someone say they can't transition, it means they won't. 

I most likely remember hearing a saying similar to that way back in my days when I was playing sports and a coach quoted it to me when I wanted to quit. On the other hand, there are many reasons someone deep in their closet can't transition. I am not putting myself up on any sort of pedestal because I spent so many years trying to decide if and when I could complete a MtF transgender transition. 

My first big roadblock was attempting to improve my presentation to the point where I could blend in on even a minimal basis in the public's eye. Once I began to basically be successful, I began to be encouraged to the point I may be able to live out a life long dream of living as a woman. Little did I know that just trying my best to look like a woman would be just the beginning, There turned out to be so many other twists and turns in my journey which I often write about here. Many times along the way when I considered thinking I can't do that, it was a sure sign I couldn't. 

Perhaps my biggest roadblock which may have turned out to be a positive was the twenty five year long relationship I had with my second wife. She was the wife who passed away without ever accepting my desire to transition into a transgender lifestyle. For all the wrong reasons I ended up sneaking around behind her back and tried to explore more and more if I could indeed live as a woman. The positive was the entire process I was caught up in as a very serious transvestite or cross dresser taught me very explicitly what I would be facing if indeed I decided to transition. Each time I entered the feminine world it seemed I learned a new and important lesson. Primarily when I needed to communicate with another person (primarily women), I discovered why men and women have such a difficult time understanding each other. If men are from Mars and women from Venus, I turned out to be some sort of a space traveler in between. 

Through it all, my basic desire to keep going kept me pursuing my feminine gender dreams. Similar to being told I could never have a job working for the American Forces Radio and Television Service when I needed to serve my military duty, I found a way around the obstacles and was successful. I did manage to serve out my three years in the Army working for AFRTS. For once in my life by pushing forward against the odds, I felt I could be successful.

Can't meaning won't didn't work for me either in several ways. Immediately, when I started to seriously transition, I began to diet and took off nearly fifty pounds. In essence, I was doing what any woman would do to look as good as I could. In addition, for several years previous, I was taking extra care of my skin which helped also. I again, similar to any other woman, was doing my best to work with what I had. If I was still going to travel between Mars and Venus, I was going to try to make the journey as easy as possible.

No matter how hard I tried, I kept running up against obstacles such as family acceptance and employment. My brother and his family were completely lost to me when I finally transitioned and started hormone replacement therapy but I was fortunate when my only child (a daughter) completely accepted me. As far as employment went, I was close enough to retirement age to go ahead and retire. Suddenly, the gender doors which I had been knocking at all those years opened and my life changed. 

The reality of my situation was  when I listened to my high school coach who said "Can't means won't" I learned he was right. What he never said was how long it might take to happen. We never know what the future may bring.