Living the Trans Dream

Summer in Ohio
from the Jessie Hart
Collection

Every so often I have the chance to sit back and wonder how I ever made it to the place in life I have arrived at now. I spent so many years living a mostly frustrated male life, wondering how it would be to permanently cross over the gender frontier and live life full time as a transgender woman. For the longest time, I thought I would never make it to the point where I could ever live my dream. 

In the beginning and during several years following, I went down the same rabbit holes as other cross dressers or transvestites I knew. The same old male egos showed through our fancy feminine clothes to reveal we didn't know much about being women at all. Just doing our best to look like one.  Finally I came to the point of knowing I wanted to discover more in depth just what I would be facing if indeed I decided to try to complete a MtF gender transition. Before I knew it, years and life had slipped away and destiny opened a few doors for me which enabled me to transition fully. Recently I received a comment from fellow blogger Paula Godwin who described her journey a little different:

" For those of us who transition later in life it is "interesting" when we get the revelation that after spending the first 50 (or so) years of our life trying to work out if we are a woman at all, that then we suddenly have to work out what sort of a woman. Although having said that I'm not at all sure how much choice we actually get in the matter, much like being Trans at all, I suspect that much of what sort of a woman I would turn out to be was not a choice but an inevitable!" 

You can read more from Paula by following her "Paula's Place" blog here or by checking out my "Do You Wanna Hook Up" section of the blog which contains her latest post.

Thanks for the comment and I too spent fifty years or so exploring being a woman at all. Then when I decided I couldn't deny my feminine nature any longer, jumping into the world and out of my closet was quite the experience. The first lesson I learned was all the years I thought my appearance as a woman was the most important facet of my life just wasn't true. I had no knowledge of all the other facets of a woman's life she had to live through on her path from being just a female to being a woman. My second wife so profoundly put it during a huge fight we were having about me being a crossdresser, that I made a terrible woman and she was not talking about just how I looked. At that point I was forced to put my male ego aside and seriously consider what my wife was talking about. The entire process of learning more concerning women's lives was difficult because I was shielded from what really went on with women because I was still presenting nearly fulltime as a man. In other words, I could not be trusted with secrets until I made the huge step of coming out as my authentic feminine self, which was sensed and embraced on many levels by several of the cis-women who befriended  me. 

During this period of gender discovery, much of my life was a blur as I increasingly set my male self aside and allowed my woman self to flourish. As Paula put it so well, it wasn't a choice, it was an inevitable.