Wednesday, June 23, 2021


Circa 2014
 Most assuredly a novice transgender person's initial
 feminine steps into the world are terrifying. Changing genders is not for the faint of hearted. 

Recently I read a post on one of the social media outlets I follow from a new gender explorer desperate to live her life farther. She was tired of "walking" the malls (which are rapidly disappearing)  and wanted to try new and exciting venues. I recommended checking out any local LGBT groups to see if they had any social get togethers. 

The whole interaction brought back memories of my earliest days when I too was tired of the malls and wanted to try something different. I was fortunate and was able to establish a new life as a transgender woman without terrific setbacks. The fear of trying to live a feminine life was far worse than doing it. Plus the more I tried, the more natural my feminine side felt. Perhaps my first transgender girlfriend who used to meet up with me in straight  sports bars said it the best, I passed out of pure stubbornness.  A nice way of saying I wasn't the best looking woman in the room but a woman none the less.

As I fast forward to today, I think back to the recent interaction I had with the restaurant hostess who was stressed out with her seating situation. When it was my turn to ask about the group, there was no recognition from either of us there was a transgender woman in the conversation. The whole interaction was simply person to person. 

Once she found out I was not upset, life went on and I found a spot at the bar. It felt good to be out and proud in public again.

Confidence is our best accessory!

1 comment:

  1. Indeed, I agree completely that confidence is our best accessory. But how does one gain confidence? For those of us who're used to just living authentically what can we advise others?

    I think there are a couple of things:
    1) As you progress through the world, grocery shopping, doing the mundane things, look around and notice, especially those who you wouldn't normally pay attention to. I know I'm drawn to those I admire, such as pretty, small, young. The truth is that the world is full of a huge variety of people. The message: people just don't notice most others.

    2) Do you remember the song "Almost Cut My Hair" by Crosby, Stills, and Nash? In it they sing about letting their "freak flag fly." While we're certainly not freaks it's fair and okay to just put ourselves out there and be, as we are.

    3) For most of us, no amount of makeup, padding, and other stuff is going to make us blend in seamlessly. So, get over it. Lose the excessive makeup. No one wears it, and just having all that on your face calls unwanted attention. Again, pay attention to the women you see and present in a similar way according to your own taste.

    4) When it comes down to that moment of taking the first step out, consider this mantra that I used to repeat to myself:

    "Whenever we feel fear, it means we’re up against some kind of wall … on the other side of the wall is some kind of freedom."

    Get to the freedom. It's worth it.