Thursday, August 6, 2020

Not in Kansas Anymore!

 With all apologies to all of you who actually may live in Kansas, this post concerns a few of my thoughts during my annual mammogram yesterday. It's not as if I didn't know what to expect since this was my fifth go around with a mammogram. Depending on the person giving the test, the whole process is normally a fairly quick process with minimal discomfort. 

Yesterday, as I was sitting and waiting barely covered from the waste up with a flimsy hospital gown, I had a chance to think how far I have been afforded the chance to come. Thanks to my hormone replacement therapy, my breasts have become nearly the size of the silicone breast forms I used to keep hidden in a drawer at home. For some reason, I thought of Dorothy's immortal comment from the "Wizard of Oz" movie...I was not in Kansas anymore. 

Fortunately, I didn't have too much time to think about classic movies as it was time to do my contortions with an big white machine which looked like something out of Star Wars. It whirred and clicked approximately four times to four different poses and I was done and on my way.

Equally as amazing, was the fact early this morning, I received an email from my hospital account telling me everything was fine. I am especially sensitive to the news since my grandmother passed away from breast cancer.

On the positive side too, the two booster shots I was scheduled for at the VA Monday finally have stopped bothering me. Now, I am done for awhile with all my invasive appointments.  Thank goodness!


  1. You've reminded me of one of my favorite parody songs I used to sing. I never did finish the whole script, which is a transgender version of "The Wizard of Oz." I still may, someday, though. This song is sung to "If I Only Had a Brain.":

    Oh, I'd be a lucky dolly,
    It would not be just folly.
    Though I may be a bit obsessed.
    I'd love the wiggle and the jiggle,
    It would make me giggle,
    If I only had real breasts.

    Oh, my breasts would not be noffin',
    My bra all filled with stuffin'.
    My heart would be at rest.
    And if I could only grow 'em,
    Well, ya know I go and show 'em,
    In a low-cut sexy dress.

    Oh, I could say good bye,
    To all the forms of silicone and foam.
    No, it wouldn't do to have just one alone,
    So, Wizard, please make me a clone!I

    I would wile away the hour,
    While standing in the shower,
    Each one I would caress.
    And, I'd thank the Wizard every day,
    For my lovely decollete,
    From my brand new pair of breasts.


    1. Connie, I loved you version of that song. As I read the words I could hear the music in my head.