Esteem versus Vanity
On occasion I think (no, I know) I spend too much time thinking of my transition process. I suppose when you attempt something as major as changing your gender, introspection is a natural by product.
Those of you who are regulars around here in Cyrsti's Condo know I'm currently in the middle of a total full time immersion as a woman. My nearest male clothes are over 150 miles away.
I have written recently about upping my game of trying to look better-naturally. As I was doing my errands today and checked my appearance when I got back, it occurred to me I was checking my self esteem in the mirror not my vanity. Certainly, I would love to be a stunningly attractive beauty when I head out into the world, not stun others with my appearance. We all know the beauty part is going to have to wait until another life but not being a human "stun gun" isn't.
Taking this idea to a whole deeper level, I realized I was crossing yet another cross dresser / transgender point in my life. Being the often "clue less" person I am, I dazzle myself with these little epiphanies of mine. Then again, I entertain easily. This is what I came up with:
As a cross dresser, I lived in the mirror. As a transgender woman, I live in the world, the only real mirror that matters. Now, in order to survive, I desperately need my self esteem as a woman. The vanity part of me will always exist and screams for facial feminizing surgery and breast augmentation. But, more importantly, I'm finding esteem is the key to my existence.
Those of you who are regulars around here in Cyrsti's Condo know I'm currently in the middle of a total full time immersion as a woman. My nearest male clothes are over 150 miles away.
I have written recently about upping my game of trying to look better-naturally. As I was doing my errands today and checked my appearance when I got back, it occurred to me I was checking my self esteem in the mirror not my vanity. Certainly, I would love to be a stunningly attractive beauty when I head out into the world, not stun others with my appearance. We all know the beauty part is going to have to wait until another life but not being a human "stun gun" isn't.
Taking this idea to a whole deeper level, I realized I was crossing yet another cross dresser / transgender point in my life. Being the often "clue less" person I am, I dazzle myself with these little epiphanies of mine. Then again, I entertain easily. This is what I came up with:
As a cross dresser, I lived in the mirror. As a transgender woman, I live in the world, the only real mirror that matters. Now, in order to survive, I desperately need my self esteem as a woman. The vanity part of me will always exist and screams for facial feminizing surgery and breast augmentation. But, more importantly, I'm finding esteem is the key to my existence.
Comments