Liz

 This post is specifically for the person who substantially contributed to helping me to become the transgender woman I am today. 

For you regulars around here in Cyrsti's Condo, you probably already know I am writing about my partner of nine years, Liz. Here is a picture of her from our anniversary dinner Saturday night.

She is the one person who convinced me to come out of my cross dressing closet and become my true self. And better yet, I didn't have to find her, she found me. I never thought as I entered my senior years, I would find someone to love me as much as she does. 

I don't believe in luck but I do believe in destiny and I guess all the time I spent alone following my wife's death in 2007 , proved to be a test. If I held on long enough, a person such as Liz would come my way. 

She took me in, nourished me and made me whole. I love her more than I can say. 

  

Finally!

 Last night Liz and I finally were able to go out to our favorite Creole restaurant for dinner. We were celebrating our ninth year together as a couple. The whole process still amazes me. Essentially she scooped me up off a scrap heap on an on line dating site. She identified as a cis gender lesbian woman in search of another woman. Ironically, she ended up with me. Over the years I have come to view myself as a bit of a hybrid. With the good and bad aspects of both genders. For example, my hormone replacement therapy took away the toxic effects of testosterone but added the problems of the new feelings from the estrogen in my body. Of course I was fortunate in that my health could handle the changes and still does.

Last night was incredible. We were addressed as "ladies" many times as we were able to stay socially distanced. My look was very natural as I was able to get away with just a little eye makeup and my new normal Chap Stick Merlot lipstick. My increasingly long wavy hair was compliments of an after shower mousse and the dress is my black flower print maxi dress. The beer was a local stout brew and the toast goes out to all of you who have visited Cyrsti's Condo over all these years. Ten to be exact. Thanks to all of you!

 

Are you Bored Too?

 Every now and then, this damn virus just really aggravates me with the boredom it produces. Rumor has it I might be able to twist Liz's arm and go out for dinner this weekend. Which I will let you know about later, if it happens at all. In the meantime, let's check in with Connie (below) and how she is handling staying in, and safe:

"Well, I know that I'm just waiting for the senior center to open up again, so  I can achieve my goal of becoming Bingo Queen. I think I'll entitle this phase of my life: "From Bimbo to Bingo ." :-)

OK, that's not completely true. I never really reached (or wanted to) Bimbohood. I have played one on stage, however. Bingo, though not so bad in itself, may be something I could do only occasionally; not so emphatically as may be required at the senior center. Besides, the big draw on Bingo night around here is "Drag Queen Bingo," and that doesn't fit my narrative, either.The city colleges here offer classes to seniors for $5.00 each. That seemed like a great deal to me, until I found that books, supplies, and parking fees would cost upwards of $200.00. Still, keeping my mind active and challenged is high on my short list of things to do.

It wasn't so many years ago that I would sit in my house, with doors locked and shades drawn, hoping that I could, someday, be a part of the outside world as the woman I was seeing in the mirror. Sure, I would sneak out to another part of town to reveal my femininity, but that was only a temporary fix. Your post this morning came earlier than usual. After reading it, I sat on my front porch, soaking in the morning sun and sipping my coffee. Neighbors went by, walking their dogs, and we exchanged pleasantries. I began to think that this was the fulfillment of my hopes. Really, though, it is just a level of comfort that I have reached (deserved, definitely, but not totally satisfying). Then, I began to consider that, if I could put even half the energy into something that I had put into having a comfortable trans existence, I could accomplish all sorts of things. The trouble is that half of the energy is all the energy I can muster up these days. Even half of that, though, would still be enough to do something significant.

There has to be a what's next, because it's not good enough to have the next to nothing I feel now."