Still Dancin'

Connie (as she often does) has taken one of my posts and built on to it, giving it a new twist I didn't think about. Here is her latest:

"To paraphrase (with a twist) a Bible verse, "When I was a boy, I spoke as a boy, understood as a boy, and thought as a boy: But when I became a woman, I put away boyish things." I said and heard some awful things regarding women when I was overcompensating - in an attempt to cover up my feminine identity. I am so embarrassed by some of my behavior in those days. These days, I am definitely getting my pay-back for it all, though. I have been accosted countless times by men and subjected to such vile comments I never even could have conceived of in my younger days.

 I have also been touched inappropriately, and even groped a number of times by men. It seems that "no" still does not register with some of them, as if the word signals them to try harder. I'm still not sure that these men would say the same things to a cis woman, in that they may be confusing gender with sex - as if I were a gay man dressing up as a woman in order to attract them. It doesn't matter, however, as nothing would make their behavior acceptable. All of these incidents have taken place in public places, so I have been relatively safe physically. The emotional wounds are hard enough to deal with, though, and it all causes me to be on guard much of the time. The thing that really bothers me is that I am often initially flattered by the attention, even when I sense that the advance will end up being far from flattering. That is the fine line I walk, I suppose."

I am fairly sure most cis women walk that same "fine line" Connie! Most certainly since we have transistioned, we all have felt the pressure to look our best for men and women which again includes that line. Example, look sexy-not sluty or sexy not trashy.

But central to my point is the "sex vs gender" proposition which is so foreign to both genders but specifically to men as indicated by their actions.

Thanks again Connie!

Sad and To the Point

Like so many of us, I have a young transgender friend locked in two major struggles. One is internal and the other external-pressure from peers. This makes the point better than most and I decided to pass it along to all of you. 

The Dance of the Genders

With the recent "explosion" of attention regarding the ongoing treatment of women in our society brought on by one of the presidential candidates, I can't help but comment on a very complx issue, brought on by the fact I identify as a transgender woman.

First of all, as a guy I heard every degrogative feminine comment- and as I transistioned put myself in the same category. Otherwise known as losing my male privilege. I find it interesting certain cis women say it's not my problem and I don't understand it, but I do. Maybe better because of my perch on both sides of the gender fence.

As I hit dating age "back in the day" I wondered how girls did it. They managed to walk that fine line between "being respectable" and holding the keys to reproduction for the most part. If a girl was attractive and didn't "put out" it put her in a different category than the ones who supposedly  did. The dance dictated much speculation between genders. (In a pre birth control era.)

Of course, those were more innocent days and now increasingly through social media we hear of women who are/were forced into sexual situations against their will. Especially and tragically, younger ones.

As a former member of the male gender, I simply don't understand the whys or hows of a guy drugging a woman for sex or other creepy actvities. As I have written here a number of times, being over powered by a guy was a very real possibility for me one night. Ironically, my wife said my dress had a lot to do with it it. NO, what ever you wear should not enable any man to take any advantage of you he wants. And no these are not an extended version of "boys being boys."

If it is, families need to take a closer look at what it means to raise a son inot manhood.

At my advanced age of 67 it seems to me the dance of the genders has been wrecked, then  again, whatever has been wrecked can be repaired. Afterall, the "Millennial Generation" seems to be the most accepting transgender group ever.

One way or another cis and trans women and men needs to talk about and help repair the dance.