It's All Fun...until it Isn't

Well, my visit to the see the vampires came to a screeching halt Tuesday. It was my Veteran's Administration appointment to have my blood labs checked for my Endocrinologist and Hematology doctors.

My 22 year old partner's son who works at a nearby casino came down with a severe sore throat and had to be checked for the Covid 19 virus. So I called and postponed my appointment until we receive news back on the test.

I didn't mention he lives with us in a small house and could easily spread it to the rest of us. Since I am particular highly at risk, the virus could easily be a death sentence for me.

However, I make it a personal promise not to jump off any bridges until they are built. So we will see what happens.

I just wish everyone I see not wearing a mask would wear one and for goodness sake, quit listening to Benedict Donnie and gay Mikey Pence who say this whole thing is a media hoax. It isn't if it invades your own house.

The Vampire Call

Today is my three month trip to the Dayton, Ohio Veteran's Administration to have my blood checked for excess iron. Due to this, I have to have a series of blood lab work done before I even go to see my hematology doctor. If my iron levels are too high, then I have to have a phlebotomy. Which means they will take out a pint of my blood. After all these years doing this, it's all very routine. Even a few of the lab workers know me as a regular. Not what I had envisioned years ago as an ideal. 

Ironically, this trip out and about (with a mask of course) is the first time I have been anywhere for a couple of months, except a trip or two to the pharmacy. We are even getting our groceries delivered in. So, it's kind of a big deal and I am dressing accordingly. 

I have decided to wear my light tan culotte pants with a sleeveless patterned tank top to allow the vampires total unheeded access to my arm veins they seem to love so much. Plus, even though I will be wearing a mask, I am going to breakdown and wear makeup. 

Hopefully today, my iron will be under the limit and I can escape the worst of the vampires again. Supposedly though, exposure to the sun is one of the causes of my problem. So maybe I am one of the vampires too?  

Honey I'm Home

This morning as I looked into the mirror, it occurred to me how mach I have changed and how much I haven't. 

Of course, over the years I have been able to grow a respectable set of breasts and quite the head of hair which now extends to the middle of my back. My ability to have been able to have gone on hormone replacement therapy has provided me with all of this.

What it never did provide me was an overall peace of mind. To start with, let us go all the way back to my childhood. I have seen ideas over the years of when children determine their gender. The bottom line is the time can be variable but the result is the same. Or is it? My problem with the whole idea is what if I never definitively came up with what gender I wanted to be. The best I could ever come up with was the somewhat vague idea I really wanted to be a girl, even though I was firmly entrenched in a male world. 

My idea is now, the time of gender indecision I was going through was the beginning of my gender dysphoria. Which I still suffer from today. In fact, I did this morning. Somehow, someway I was still the questioning child in the mirror.

Perhaps I will never be home. I only desire is to not be mis gendered and dead named when I die. 

More than likely, it will be the only time I will have a true understanding of why my life turned out the way it did. I will finally make it home. Until that time, it seems I will be stuck with me telling the mirror "No matter what you say mirror, all you see is me."

Finally! A Transgender Sports Illustrated Model

Following in the footsteps of all the gorgeous transgender women in the past who could have graced the pages of the Sports Illustrated Swim suit Issue but weren't allowed, we finally have one who could.

Now, Brazilian Valentina Sampaio has made history as an impassioned activist and true LGBTQ pioneer. And by saying she represents the well rounded woman who Sports Illustrated is proud to have representing them.

Your Mom told you What?

Many of us seemingly were raised to a greater extent by our Mothers more than Fathers who for what ever reason seemed to be away earning the all important living. Some of us even had the benefit of a semi-accepting Mother. Others like "Sara Michelle" who wrote into the blog even benefited from a Mother who taught her how to feed and take care of herself. Sara actually wrote in commenting on the transgender woman appearing on the "Worst Cooks in America" television show:

"Nice to see a trans woman on a show like that! That being said, one of the 1st things my mother taught me at an early age. Was to be able to cook and take care of myself! Along with her managing a career and raising the rest of the family!"

In my family, the essence of cook training was if my brother and I liked our bologna fried or cold. It wasn't until later during my Army years I learned to seriously take care of myself. 

Continuing on the subject of Mothers, I have always been curious how many of us can remember being secretly (or not so secretly) fixated on our Mothers when they applied their makeup. It's difficult for me to remember back that far but I think I was.  On the positive side, I didn't go as far as Connie when she "borrowed" her Mom's car and wig and went out for a spin in the middle of the night.

However you were raised, it's a near certainty Mothers could have had a real serious impact on our lives. More so than a non transgender civilian. My life circumstances sent me into a deep closet I still have problems with on occasion. And since both of my parents have long since passed on. I have very few memories of what they would have thought if they had found out they had a daughter, not a son. So it's way to late now to cry over spilled makeup. 

Finally, thanks for the comment Sara Michelle.