Trans Girl-Too Far From Home.

This post is a re-written piece from last summer. It is more or less a work in progress that reflects some recent life changes!
The first time I heard "Bob Seger's Hollywood Nights", I knew exactly how he felt. The lyrics: "He knew right then he was too far from home. He was too far from home." burnt a hole right through me.
In your life I'm sure you've been on some very slippery slopes. Relationships, family or job issues made you feel you were sliding towards a very steep cliff.
I was there, on that cliff (with Seger) looking down on the lights of a big city. I'm a Midwestern boy too, but I went to New York City, not L.A.
Did you fall off your cliff and lose a spouse, a family or a job? I fell off my cliff too and lost my gender.
I know many of you have always known you were just that-a girl or a boy. Many of us however, did not have that luxury. I went through the first 30 years or so of my life fighting and then giving in to my female urges. During that time in my life, I was afraid to lose touch with my male side. My female side was scary but wonderfully euphoric and exciting. NYC, of course proved to be the perfect cliff for her to jump off of. Making the whole decision terrifying was a beloved spouse and an "Alpha" male side who had his fun moments too.
.
Within two months however, I experienced two defining moments that would set my life on a female path forever.
The first was a trans "mixer" of sorts I attended on Long Island . The real lady at the door wouldn't let me in until I proved I was a guy. "No single real women allowed!"
The second was a Halloween party I attended with a couple friends at work. It just so happened that one of them had two other tall female friends that were dressed as exotic as me! What an evening!
I knew then, I could never go home-even if I did move back to the Midwest. I didn't want too!
A couple years later I did move back to the Midwest but the cliff moved with me. Yes, I'm still falling -as I'm sure many of you are too!
Good luck with your cliff! I finally found there is a girl at the bottom waiting for me. You know, she resembles me a lot!
I hope you have someone waiting for you too!

Full Circle!

I enjoyed a special week this week.
I went out on my first date ever with a guy.  As I've written a number of times, as recently as a year ago I really didn't want much part of it.
The change in thinking has been gradual. When I did attract positive male attention, I accepted it as validation of how I looked.
As we all know, on line attention is 98% trashy. I've been approached by guys with sexual ideas I didn't even know existed. Most all are very sure if I'm transgendered I'm ready to jump into the nearest hotel room to fulfill their fantasies. Some are frustrated former crossdressers who live their fantasies through me and I really have no problem with them as such. As a transgendered girl, however I demand the same respect they would give to a genetic woman.
Every once in a while, a seemingly real guy surfaces. Not a hotel Romeo. Not really up on transgender life but is intrigued by my picture and profile. That guy came around about 6 months ago.
Very briefly we chatted about life. We exchanged emails and finally decided to meet in person.
Fortunately we made the plan only a couple days before, so I had less time to be really nervous.  How would I react? Could I pull it off? It turned out I didn't have to pull it off at all!
I carefully picked out an outfit that had some edge to it but was conservative at the same time. A basic top, long open sweater and my favorite jeans with flats. I felt I looked the best I could with what I had to work with.
We picked a place that I would most comfortable and I arrived a little early. (To try to calm down)
As I sat there, I remembered the first time I came to this place. My first trip out as a girl to a straight venue nearly 12 years ago and I was scared to death! As luck would have it one of the bartenders from that night was working and I tried to sit as close as I could to the seat I had. Indeed I was coming full circle. Scared on that first night to just be out and scared 12 years later on a date.
He arrived and we exchanged a hug and my first two impressions were that he was a good looking guy and a big one!
From that point, I didn't have to "pull it off". My natural inner girl just took over. My best description would be my male self was in a trance-and gone. She took over the controls and was doing what comes naturally.
She had served her time in the shadows and now was having fun.
Two hours or so went by in seconds it seemed. The euphoria lasted much longer.
Of course I had to talk to my BFF about the date! She is a genetic girl and listened with amused intent.She said "do you think he will call you again?" That's what real women deal with". Get used to it!
Well, he did.

Wrong Place-Wrong Time-Right Reason

You want to do what?
A very drunk guy who obviously had the alcoholic courage to approach me asked me that question.
He started with the usual "are you a guy or a girl" and proceeded to bore me from there. First I told him "if you were sure I was a girl you wouldn't have asked the question." If  I was a genetic female, I would have been highly upset.
By this time I was thinking-can he please be done? Leave me alone and find a new interest. In addition my bartender friend was starting to monitor the situation.
Of course, he wasn't done. "If your a guy, why would you want to dress like a woman" popped out of his mouth.
Before I go any farther, I would like to point out these are questions I would routinely answer from rational people.
My answer? "I do it because I want to and I do it because I can."
By this time, he was really starting to annoy me so I made the proper eye contact with the bartender and the adventure was over.
Later, when I was mulling over the incident in my mind-I thought it was a shame the guy had to be drunk when he asked those questions.
It is true it was none of his business. On the other hand, if we are ever going to educate people about transgender individuals-this is the way.  We are teachers every time we are in the public's eye.
I think most people have no conception of what being transgender is all about.
They knew that "Uncle Frank"used to wear ladies panties and they know who "Ru Paul" is. That's about it except for the great exposure we get on the "Springer" show. The burden falls on us to change some of that.
I believe it is changing for the younger generation and for me too.
When I first started living as a girl two or three times a week, the people who approached me were almost exclusively female. As time went on more men approached. Now, not much of any.
I have several theories.  I'm more comfortable in my female role. Humans are predators and will circle like sharks if they sense something is wrong. Better yet is the theory that people are learning transgendered people are just that-people.
I really hope that theory is the right one!
Realistically I know we have such a long way to go. In the meantime it is nice to think I might be following in the high heeled steps of some the transgender pioneers such as"Virginia Prince".
It's nice to be needed!