A "Coincidence? 'Me' thinks Not!

Of course those of us living in the "modern world" on the grid these days probably don't want to really know how many times our names are sold to whomever for what reason.

Changing your life as dramatically as one does when gender markers are concerned can provide a whole new look into how the legal "grid" works - good or bad.

This insight comes from Connie:

" Its been less than a month since I got my license "corrected", and just yesterday I received a home refinance offer that was addressed to my new name and started with "Dear Ms ___". The offer had all of the information that is specific to my house and current mortgage, but I have, if by magic, become the owner in my new name.

I have not yet contacted my mortgage company, the IRS, or Social Security to officially change my name and gender, but the changes have obviously been made somewhere that would allow a mortgage company to access the information, as it is public record. I guess that I've opened the proverbial can of worms, though. I am no longer anonymous! By the way, I just today received the first real paycheck made out to me with my new name. I plan on opening up a brand new bank account in which to deposit it. Anyway, we deserve to have these happy surprises after all of the years of uncertainty - which often led to unhappy surprises (if not merely the worry of them happening)."

At this point my Mom's words echo in my noggin "you made your bed, now lie in it."

Are Women Better Actors?

Yesterday at my therapist appointment (which has gone completely past the core reasons I originally went) we wondered into the world of women at large and my perceptions as a transgender woman.

I told her, and you Cyrsti's Condo readers will remember, I was fortunate to have worked for 30 plus years in restaurant business as a manager. During that time, it wasn't uncommon for me to try to manage approx fifty female servers. Also (of course) I worked with other women managers too. 

I learned up close and personal that women form cliques and men form teams and you always had to be on the outlook for the knife to the back from a woman. Women are vicious, men are brutal.

Knowledge that has served me well all the way through my transition. Let's take the Dayton, Ohio VA Medical Center for example. Yes, the same Dayton, Ohio Stana from Femulate who comes West to our 'neck of the woods' once a year on business comes to. In fact the hospital/complex isn't that far from the airport.

Stana has never flown there before as a woman and I hope her experiences are as good as mine at the VA.

"Kudos" to them yesterday! I think at least 90% of the women I came across in the hallways or was treated by in the clinics were sooooooo nice. Especially the one who tap danced her way around the wrong pronouns with me by even using "this veteran" at one point.

Even though as you all know, I have been doing this public trans woman thing for quite awhile, sometimes it is still very difficult for me to make eye contact with another woman every time I should - I nearly never do it with a man.

So yes, we women are better actresses and we transgender women have to be even better. After all, the world is a stage and we need to be comfortable in it to survive.

Plus I almost think we trans girls are getting to the place cross dressers have been for years. We are OK-if we aren't someone's brother or husband.

As The Bureaucracy Turns

As you may recall, today marked yet another of the latest milestone days of my 'Mtf gender marker" journey.

I was happy to see the State of Ohio sent me the approval to switch my driver's license from a 'M' to a 'F' (for a fee of course) and I plan on getting it done early next week. But, As I checked with my therapist at the Veteran's Administration today-I was still a "female called a male name." Ala Johnny Cash's 'A Boy Named Sue.' I sort of figured the VA would take a little more time to untangle itself and get the proper changes done. The privacy officer said something to the point of my name change had to go through some sort of committee to be signed off to prove I am not some sort of terrorist. I could change my gender easily enough but not my name-go figure.

However, the biggest surprise today though came in my mailbox.  I got my paperwork to turn in with my IRS Taxes saying indeed I did have coverage through the VA. It was addressed to "Ms. (insert male name) Hart"

With any luck though, I should have a brand new shiny female drivers license by next week!

And I am excited!!!!

It's Backwards Both Ways?

From People's Magazine: Jo Avelyn Grey knew from an early age that she was "different" from other kids. "Growing up in Boynton Beach, Florida, she was socially awkward (she would later be diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome), and was also struggling with a secret.Born a male named Joseph David Weaver, “I was 7 or 8, about the age you realize that girls and boys are different, when I realized something’s not quite right here,” Grey, now 27 and a computer engineer in Redwood City, California, tells PEOPLE. “I knew I was a woman and born in the wrong body.” By age 11 she felt brave enough to tell her conservative parents; her mother broke the news to Grey’s father. “That obviously didn’t go over very well, and I would say my weight problems started shortly thereafter,” she says."

Love the boots :) and the story!

Repossessing Your Life?

One of the few close friends I have felt the need to even come out to since I have moved away (a cis-woman) asked me a question which was rapid fired 'wedged' between five others-including "Am I going to have the 'parts is not parts' surgery. It was, did I still like sports?

I was a little humored until I gave the question time to set in. After all, not so long ago, I would have asked myself the same question. Would my proposed new life style center around "fluffy foo foo drinks" and no beer or sports? Beer and sports pretty much was my life as I drank with the guys. In fact, I think my eye balls are shot from too many big screen televisions in sports bars.

I too put some very serious thought into who the 'new' me was going to be. Years later though, I found the old and new me were much a like. We had the same interests for the most part and got along with peeps in the same way. Even though I was scared to death, as Connie says " a smile goes along way!" 

As I looked around in the world, I saw women drinking beer and watching sports with the best of them. And, I was even able to find a couple very close cis women friends by watching sports. So maybe I wouldn't have to be my non ideal woman sitting at the bar sipping wine with her legs crossed.

Also, with men of course it was different. Very few approached me to begin with but the few that did, I had to be very careful of where I went with my sports "knowledge." My 'fave' though was to be a part of a group of women and be quiet and observe two women friends go at it - with each other and the folks around us.

Just remember though, all of us are different of and your transitions will follow you down different paths. But just keep in mind you don't have to kick your current life to the gutter to do it.