Is It Easier to gain Transgender Acceptance from Men or Women?

Without question for me, cis-women have been the easiest to gain acceptance from. Followed by cis-men and lesbian women. Ironically though, a cis woman lesbian has been my partner for five years now.

For some reason, I think cis women have less to lose knowing a transgender woman, unless one of us used to be her boy friend or spouse. At that point we are playing in their sandbox and open to their life's lessons. We can exchange makeup and fashion tips quite easily. Having been down the same path and I think many cis-women are pleasantly surprised. Plus, it has always been great fun for me!

Men on the other hand are so sexually insecure, it is difficult to find one or any who will truly accept a trans woman. Although I know it happens because as a group transgender women provide an unique, even exotic look into sexuality for some cis-men. Those are the "admirers" who wouldn't want to bring you home for Thanksgiving dinner.

I my past, I have been alternately blistered or more often ignored by cis women lesbians. One of my worst gender slurs ever came at the hands of a butch lesbian at a big party. It was one of the few times I have let anyone get to me.

So, there you go. My personal look at public acceptance of transgender women. Especially important these days as we try to separate ourselves from the LGBT umbrella, be public and tell our story.

Happy Fourth!!!! Boom-BOOM!

The Fourth of July holiday this year does mean more to the transgender population of the LBGT crew. The gays and lesbians of course have just fought a hard fought battle to win the nation wide right to same sex marriage. But, for the most part, we trans types were left out in the cold thinking "well that's the right thing to do-but what's in it for us?" 

Being a transgender U.S. Army veteran one of the heights of hypocrisy in our society comes from the military. Recently there have been some real change in the basic policy concerning active trans troops. Unlike gay or lesbian troops, transgender women and men were out. (Talk about uncertainty!)

Then slowly and ever so uncertainly bits and pieces of change were announced. With my very limited on hands knowledge of the military (three years) I knew the "chain of command" was an all important factor in how trans troops could possibly serve. The problem was, you could have one unit commander who supported your job and service-then get transferred to one who didn't and out you go. Discharged, "see ya!"

Now at least in two branches, (Marines and Navy) they have issued a directive to not follow the chain of command and go all the way to the top:

I'm far from the expert, but I see this as one giant step towards moving the Pentagon bureaucracy towards granting troops who fight for the nation-true equality.

Even another cause for celebration!!! 

Timing is Everything

This morning, I saw the publicity and the expectant battle of words for this years embattled Michigan Womyn's Festival.  Remember, this event is famous for it's continuing attempt to exclude transgender women This morning though, (before I could start my rant) I read the 40th Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival, to be held this August, will be the last, its founder announced today. 

From the Advocate.com:

"The storied women-only event, first held in 1976, has been the subject of controversy in recent years because of its exclusion of transgender women, with many artists and organizations deciding to boycott. 

Founder and organizer Lisa Vogel (left) gave no reason for ending the fest, however, in a Facebook post announcing the decision."

Bluntly, another group of bigots are fading away. Hopefully not to replaced by more like the Loki Meetup Group (Lesbian) in the Cincinnati, Ohio area (who excluded me).

It's sad they are so narrow minded but if you read all of the Advocate story, you will see why change is coming-one way or another.

Professional "Women's Night Out"

Last night, my partner Liz and I went to a small Professional Woman's  Dinner "Meetup".  I have not been excluded from this one like the lesbians have from the "Loki" group here in Cincinnati.  It's an incredible time hearing how these other women approach their professional lives.  Of course each get together such as these have the initial "introductions."  As quickly as my old noggin could think, I thought I am not going to introduce myself as transgender with all the carnival barkers jumping on the trans band wagon.  So, I went with the "Two Spirit" name. 

Of course, my introduction confuses many "civilians" more, but it's simpler for me to say very little more and chat later-if anyone cares.

I have found many trans people don't know of, or don't embrace the Two or Dual Spirit ideas at all.
From the U.S version of the Guardian comes a look: This week's guest editor, Antony Hegarty, is a fan of the book The Spirit and the Flesh. He asked its author, Walter L Williams, to write a feature for guardian.co.uk/music on the 'two-spirit' tradition in Native American culture:
Native Americans have often held intersex, androgynous people, feminine males and masculine females in high respect. The most common term to define such persons today is to refer to them as "two-spirit" people, but in the past feminine males were sometimes referred to as "berdache" by early French explorers in North America, who adapted a Persian word "bardaj", meaning an intimate male friend. Because these androgynous males were commonly married to a masculine man, or had sex with men, and the masculine females had feminine women as wives, the term berdache had a clear homosexual connotation. Both the Spanish settlers in Latin America and the English colonists in North America condemned them as "sodomites.



Above, We-Wa, a Zuni two-spirit, weaving US national archives


Rather than emphasising the homosexuality of these persons, however, many Native Americans focused on their spiritual gifts. American Indian traditionalists, even today, tend to see a person's basic character as a reflection of their spirit. Since everything that exists is thought to come from the spirit world, androgynous or transgender persons are seen as doubly blessed, having both the spirit of a man and the spirit of a woman. Thus, they are honoured for having two spirits, and are seen as more spiritually gifted than the typical masculine male or feminine female.

Therefore, many Native American religions, rather than stigmatising such persons, often looked to them as religious leaders and teachers.

In my next post, I will tell you why many transgender elitists won't accept the idea at all.

It's All in the Eyes?

Continuing on my last post about those pesky lesbians jamming my "trans-dar"- I brought up the question, "How does one know the difference when a lesbian does cross the border into transgender territory. Well, of course, one normally doesn't but of course I have formed a few opinions the hard way.

First of all, I am not the definitive resource on lesbians but have found out a number of factoids over the last few years. First of all, they are very possessive within their culture.  I have be invited to several lesbian "mixers" with friends over the years.  One of the first lessons I learned was, if my friend's perceived a woman they were interested in had a partner there-that was it. Look but don't touch.

Of course, after I calmed down about being there at all, I became interested about how I was perceived. I took for granted, that for the most part, all of the "mixers" knew I was transgender.  Truly, I never had to worry.  No one was mean, most ignored me but then again a few did approached me.  Once I was even asked if "I belonged to my friend I as with."  So I never did really encounter the "Terf" hate from radical lesbians which is so prominently written about-there. 

Possibly, I did though on two other occasions from two butch's who jammed my "trans-dar."  One came from the eyes of the woman I told you about in the last post with her husband and the other, from a very, very, very, butch in a gay venue I go to. As I was talking to her partner one night.   If looks could kill, I would have been a goner-twice!So, I assume even though both looked as if they could be transitioning, they weren't.

Now, if you switch gears to the transgender men I know, and the few I have met-their eyes are softer.  So for some reason, I don't threaten them.  The ironic part is, if I hadn't been told ahead of time, I wouldn't have known at all they were trans men.

What's happening here? Has the introduction of mean old testosterone into the Ftm men's lives helped to mold a kinder, multi layered man?  After all, we are so quick to toot our own horns about being some sort of "hybrid" gender, perhaps the Ftm's are more so? Even the trans men at the symposium I went to said not being raised in similar strict rigid gender boxes the boys were subjected to, helped them later to transition.

At the least, interesting "theories", at the best, I'm just happy I'm still alive to write about it!!!!

Trans Guys

I wanted to take a moment here in Cyrsti's Condo to pass along a moment recently which jammed my "trans-dar" completely.

It occurred in the huge sports bar I have been going to (and welcomed in, for years.)  On more than a couple occasions I have noticed this couple who has ended up setting close to me by pure accident.  They both wore wedding rings and he looked as if he was a 50 something laid back bearded guy. His companion though, I just couldn't tell. I am going to call her "she" because I found out she was.

Rarely have I seen a person this androgynous.  From haircut, to clothes to everything- I couldn't tell.  The venue is located very close to an big Air Force research center so it's not uncommon to see couples not married chatting (right or wrong.) Truthfully, the only gender giveaway was when I wasn't paying any attention, I would hear a semi loud feminine voice-where there shouldn't have been one, I turned around and it was her.

Stav Strashko

Ironically, I had a chance to take my curiosity to a higher level, one of the bartenders I have known in there for literally years now. Later in the evening, a sharp dressed young guy worked his way into an open spot at the bar and ordered a couple beers.  I thought "damn" I'm getting older than I thought when a fuzzy faced kid who looked liked he was 16 ordered a beer. (I saw her I.D. him.)

So, when my friend had a spare moment, I asked her first about the first couple and she said indeed they were married and as far as she knew the wife was genetic, and loved motorcycles. At the same time, I was beginning to wonder if the "fuzzy faced" guy who ordered a beer- was a guy at all either.  I asked her and with the same smirk she uses with me when I'm "ditzin"- said "No Cyrsti, another girl."

Immediately I felt the world was changing quickly.  Perhaps even more so with the transgender men.  Draco, my trans man friend who I mention here, have talked about the thin line between "super butch" lesbians and transgender men and how difficult often it is to tell. (So I feel better-or he is trying to humor me.)

Marie Claire Itália Setembro 2014

Since you all know I'm always trying to over think everything, I may have come across how possibly I can have a better idea of figuring out so so called "other side of the transgender coin".  Get your pens and notebooks out kids, we will get to the grand theory in a future post!

"Culture Clash"

"You are dressed."  These are the three simple words uttered by a gay boy in a bar Liz and I were in Saturday night.  "You are dressed."

What a simple passive aggressive ignorant gay cis male statement!  Liz and I actually hadn't seen each other in person for a space in time because of any number of logistical problems.  We just wanted to be left alone in one of few venues I will even considering going to in my home town.

We ordered a pizza and were doing just that until he comes, resplendent in his tight white T-shirt and bright yellow short shorts-literally "flitting" around the room.  The first time he said it, I just glared and said, "So are you."  The second time he said it, I must have made my point and looked so hostile - he floated away in his yellow shorts. Briefly, I regressed into his stupid world and thought, "You need smacked for talking smack, you little bitch."  But you can't cure gay as much as you can't cure stupid.

So-  I found this on Pinterest which describes my feelings exactly!  I need to constantly remind myself that ignorance is not confined to any one segment of humans.  Regardless of race, gender and sexuality.  No one has a corner on it.

Gay, lesbian, cross dresser, transgender, transsexual or straight- no one.

Being Played for Idiots

Thanks to Bobbie for passing this along.  Once again the Pentagon is playing all of us for a bunch of idiots. From Slate.com:

The ban on transgender service, which survived the 2011 repeal of DADT, is not mandated by statute. So it’s harder for the Pentagon to blame anyone other than itself for wasting talent and making a mockery of its professed commitment to diversity and the dignity of its force. That commitment was trotted out most recently in a Pentagon ceremony this week in which a revised Department of Defense Human Goals Charter integrated gays and lesbians into its language on diversity and inclusion. 

Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel went out of his way to tout the progress. “I’m proud that the language of the charter has been updated to reflect the contributions of gay and lesbian military personnel who now serve openly and proudly across America’s armed forces,” he said at the signing. “We will continue striving to make military service a model of equal opportunity for all regardless of race, color, sex, religion, sexual orientation, or national origin.” And here I must pause to say that I, too, am proud of this progress and very glad that the military and the nation have done the right thing at long last. 

But Hagel made a point of holding up the military as a “model of equal opportunity for all,” which makes the continued ban on transgender service, the rationale for which is quickly crumbling, increasingly untenable.

Really? Let's not forget, Chuck, all the recent sexual abuse problems the military has had and more than a couple high ranking generals forced out of their command (and into high paid civilian jobs) for extra marital affairs. I know Hagel is no youngster, but even he must wonder about the lapses in his reasonable thought processes. Or how he sleeps at night after out and out lies.

"That's So Male!"

This is a cute quick story here in Cyrsti's Condo from an experience I had last night.

One of my genetic girl friends invited me to meet her for a drink and who was I to turn her down?  The place we went to was having live trivia-which I am deceptively good at.  What I mean is, out of ten questions, I get two right, two close and the rest I have no clue. The people around me (if they aren't paying too much attention) then think I'm some sort of savant and want me on their team-the jokes on them!  Plus, I have the attention span of a five year old, so I as go into rounds two or three, my mind is bored and is in another dimension.

You aren't supposed to cheat at this trivia and Google the answers so you can win but that didn't stop my friend and another woman down the bar from doing it.  Naturally, to do this you need to find an answer in a timely manner.  For whatever reason, I knew the place we were in had sketchy WiFi reception to start with, which was slowing the cheaters down. In short order, my friend got frustrated and started pounding her phone into the bar.  Not long after that, the woman down the bar did the same thing.

I was amazed and said to my friend, "that was so male!"  (It was!)  She quickly turned to me and sputtered "how do you sit there with your hair and boobs and all and tell me that?"  I calmly said "because I have been there and can say it."  Conversation over.

I look at it this way, over the years I have been called a "transgender pretender" because of my lack of desire to "purge" all of my masculine past.  To me, pulling a gender card out from the bottom of the deck on occasion, is just pay back for all the hell I went through to get here.

Besides, as I told my friend (who has invited me to lesbian only events over the years), I could have never come close to the innate masculinity in many of those women!  What a wonderful diverse world we humans live in if we could understand and enjoy the show.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Ker Plunk! Wham! Bam! Here comes another Sunday Edition of Cyrsti's Condo.

Page one.- Rollin in the "Nati"!  My trip with three friends to the Cincinnati Roller Girls this weekend was certainly different and fun.  I went with Liz and two other genetic women who all happen to be lesbian. Pointing out  their sexuality is only important to the story.  I guess the interesting part I internalized my feelings for quite a few in shape 20 something athletic women in very tight, short team uniforms.  My life has taught me I want to be one of these women as much as I may oogle them sexually-not the case with my friends who did pick out their "favorites."

The night started innocently enough with a dollar beer "Happy Hour" event, when the girls and I attempted to sip as much Hudepohl Beer as inhumanly possible.  Obviously this sort of camaraderie was missing from my life before and I love it now.  The event itself was interesting. As my partner Liz said "I've never seen so many lesbians in one place."  The action on the floor was at times, fast and physical.  Once I learned the rules it was all fun and skates!

Page two.- Week in Review.  We had it all this week.  A group was pushing a Change.Org petition to label the Southern Poverty Law Center as a "hate group."  The center is a known "nest" for noted transgender women haters. Members of our community have been targeted by trans-exclusionary radical feminists (TERFs). Personal information such as former names, current legal names, and photographs have been compiled and displayed on the website “Name the Problem”. Several of the entries are self-attributed to “Pegasus” ("PegasusBug" is a pseudonym of Cathy Brennan, the head of Gender Identity Watch). This information was presented alongside reports describing rapists and batterers of women. If you haven't checked any of their propaganda-hate is a accurate term. On the other hand we spotlighted several very positive moves in the TGLB community.

Page three.- We Got Mail. We received several comments here in theCondo and in my email concerning the "Eyes of the Beholder" post. One was from Pat:

 I(Pat) was out of town for three nights and dressed and went out each evening. I encountered a few folks in the hotel elevator or lobby but no "odd looks". Sunday night I had on a black skirt and blakc lace top under my black blazer, beige hose and 3" block heels. (I wore the same brown sued block heels with the black blazer all three outings because it was cold and the streets, lots and sidewalks were covered with snow or ice and I did not think it worth risking stilettos. I also had some black flats for some walking.) That night I was at a friendly LGBT bar having some beers watching the Oscars with the rest of the patrons. The next night I went out to another LGBT friendly bar for some pizza and beer and again no one treated as anything other that what I appeared. I had on a brown denim skirt, beige hose and the same blazer and heels.

As always a good point Pat, of how in the right place at the right time, jumping in the "blender" and seamlessly navigating as a woman is easier.  Interestingly, I chatted with a trans person somewhere (she never would tell me) who was writing of her success in the world.  I told her, most of us in the world don't have the option of dressing fiercely as a woman and challenging a drunk red neck guy's ego. Before you say Cyrsti, just don't go there. Some of us live in places where that just isn't possible.  You go out your door and you are there. Finally, paraphrasing Paula, a "simple and honest" burst of laughter will make you rethink what you are doing...especially when a drunk redneck man or woman is doing it.

The Back Page.- Where ever you happen to be in the world, I hope your universe is a little brighter this week. You are always welcome here in theCondo! Hope you visit again soon!

Endangered Species?

In some circles, trans lesbians are held in the same view as trans women male admirers.  For some reason, people can't make the separation between gender and sexuality and think a transgender woman who identifies with lesbians is just a cross dresser trying to invade the "hen house".Or worse yet, you are labeled a total transgender "pretender" if you don't need the validation of your femininity through a man. (I have here)

Of course though I'm biased. As most of you know my partner is a genetic female and yes, a lesbian. But you know, I'm totally fine with what you do, along as it doesn't hurt me-or others.

If you are wondering, I the trans woman on the left is Andrea Scott who I believe is also a transgender vet. 

New Years Fashion Police

I have actually had a couple of you "Condo-ites" ask what Liz and I wore on New Years Eve.
She out "pizazzed" me with a multi colored silky tunic top which draped over her thighs with leggings.  She also started out with a modest pair of heels for the short walks we were under taking but we went back to the hotel and she changed to a pair of metallic flats quickly. I wasn't have anything to do with heels as always!

I went with my 3/4 length patterned black blouse/top, black leggings and slouch boots.  We weren't going anywhere too fancy, unlike last year, so comfort trumped "glam" this year. On the other hand, our nails were polished, our makeup was top notch and a great time was had by all!

As I have written here in Cyrsti's Condo in the past, the mirror I worship the most is the public eye. New Year's Eve, the public was very accepting of me.  Interestingly, now I have several different scenarios to consider.

I am moving away from "Hey! isn't that a guy in a dress." To a very real possibility the public may think we are two lesbians.  So before I get "my freak on" concerning a real or perceived public reaction, I have to understand where it's coming from. Here's an example.  Our server where we ate,  quite possibly was a lesbian too,  gave us excellent service and better yet, spread that Ladies word around liberally. While it's true,  the more I transition, the less all of this is important to me at all.  Why I care at all just comes from years of negative conditioning.

Being identified as a lesbian though is a whole different idea than I ever considered, almost the same as becoming androgynous in the public's eye. The L identification also changes my interaction with men again. Which is another topic for another day!

Regardless, of over thinking this whole gender process and being repetitive, I felt truly wonderfully comfortable and at ease in my own skin and clothes on New Years Eve.

My only disappointment was I faded early and could only make it till 2 am!