We Got Mail

We received two great responses from our religious post yesterday here in Cyrsti's Condo:

1. KeithJune 5, 2019 at 10:44 AM

   "Genesis 1:27: "God created man(kind) in his image...…….male AND female he created them". It is not the exclusionary connector, OR, but the inclusive connector AND. We all have varying PROPORTIONS OF BOTH, according to the first book of the bible, the introduction to our connectedness to God. As ond deepens in their spiritual awareness one tends to understand the scriptures at a deeper level, as originally intended. Thanks for your post."

   
   
2. 
   GracieJune 5, 2019 at 9:49 PM

   "I have a hard time getting too excited about Deuteronome 22:5 after a little scholarly research. Although not completely understood, there is some speculation that it may have had to do with admonition of some pagan rituals that were performed crossdressed. Or in a society where men and women socialized separate from each other, it was a way to get together with the opposite sex for illicit purposes. If taken too literally, one could suppose that the majority of contemporary western women will be going to hell for wearing pants, and St. Joan of Arc is also burning in hell."
3. Thanks to both of you for responding!

The Power of the Dollar

Long ago when I first started down the long feminine path to living full time, I learned many of the retail clerks I interacted with didn't care I was cross dressed, only that I had money.

Little did I know, way back then, I was touching the basics of an up and coming LGBTQ economic force.

Yesterday, I received an email from Elouise alerting me to an article called "The SMB Guide to Success in the LGBTQ Market.

I call it the "Anti" Chick fil a/Hobby Lobby post. Two decidedly anti LGBTQ companies. Here is the beginning of the article from  Website Planet:

"If you own or manage a small or medium-sized business (SMB), this article is for you. With less resources to play around with, SMBs must pull on all available resources to effectively work with and market to a wide customer base focused on interests, not social demographics.

That’s why SMBs must begin building strategies to effectively market to and work in an LGBTQ-affirming world.

The LGBTQ market is one of the fastest-growing sectors out there, and it’s becoming an increasingly valuable customer base across all industries. In fact, according to GayStar News, a conservative estimate on the size of the global LGBTQ market is $3.7 trillion – that’s a huge market that could be left out of your customer base unless you take the right steps. This community is also particularly sensitive to social issues."

This is a very good in depth piece,  if you would like to read it follow the link above!

Shrink Wrapped?

Yesterday as I mentioned before here in Cyrsti's Condo, was my monthly visit to my therapist. The session went as expected with extra emphasis on Veteran's Administration mandated surveys they are over prone on occasion to give out. The surveys basically delved into potential depression and it's results.

We also went into the Trans Ohio Symposium information I recently received and I am scheduled to present one of the first workshops on Saturday morning. I laughed I would potentially still be hung over from the attendee mixer the night before which we always attend at Columbus, Ohio's Club Diversity. Liz and I always safely Uber about the city on our pre-destined trips to alcoholic venues.  

My therapist and I also talked about my trip to visit my vacant property in Springfield to pick up any litter as needed. It turns out no upkeep was needed.

As it turned out, when I checked out comments to the blog this morning, Connie had a different idea of the visit:

Picture taken at last summer's Cincinnati Pride Day

"Maybe I can save you a trip to the therapist (or give you something to talk to the therapist about). Have you considered that the littered vacant lot could represent your past - experiences you lived, but now wish would just go away?

I think, when we transition, we may be anxious to be rid of the male persona in favor of a new totally-feminine existence. All of our past experiences culminate into who we are, though. In the (long) process of transitioning, I believe that it's impossible to vacate our pasts, but we do begin to view them from a different perspective. Although there may be much that litters our past, the important things, like close personal relationships, can't be ignored. 

Today is my first daughter's 40th birthday (how can that be, when I am still in my 40's?). :-) I have been reminiscing about her this morning, and, although I wouldn't ever want to forget anything about her, there are some not-so-great things that litter my memories - the time when she was about eleven, and accidentally caught me cross dressed, being one of the most regrettable. We can't erase anything, but we can pick up the pieces and try to put them into a new perspective.

There are plenty of other things from my past - good and bad - that I will never forget, but I certainly don't talk about them as I might have years ago. Sitting around with a bunch of guys (even if they are in dresses), trading stories in a one-up-man-ship manner, is just not appealing to me these days. It only ever was because I was so into the overcompensation game of hiding my femininity with demonstrations of hyper-masculinity. Oh, how silly I now see myself to have been!

I often refer to the AA Serenity Prayer, because it seems to sum up my transgender existence:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference."


Thanks!!!

Listening With Your Eyes?

Referring back to the Cyrsti's Condo post "Is It Time", Connie brought up a good point about how people listen with their eyes. I would only add women are more apt to listen with their eyes than men.

Connie's idea started me thinking about how often I mention women deal in more non verbal communication skills than men. Eye to eye communication is a big part of it. If not all of it on occasion.

I remember quite clearly (for once), the times when I was going out cross dressed by myself and a man approached me, for whatever reason. Many times, I was "warned" by one of my cis women friends to steer clear of a potentially bad situation.

As I have often written about too, I learned often a cis woman's verbal comments don't always match what she is thinking and to be careful of where the knife is going to hit your back. Until I began to develop my own sense of confidence and being as a transgender woman, the "phantom" attacks used to bother me more. Until I became accustomed to the more complex sense of community women have.

For more of Connie's comment, follow the link above, then down the post to "comments".

Another One Bites the Dust

As you may have heard by now, Matt Lauer of NBC's Today Show followed CBS's Charlie Rose out the door for alleged sexual misconduct at work.

You may ask, what does it mean to the average transgender woman? Quite a bit, if you ever have been accosted by a so called "trans admirer." Unfortunately some of the worst admirers may be cross dressed. I know of one who always seemed to be "helping" young pretty transgender girls/women in need. Including a close friend of mine who ended up with an unwanted tongue down her throat during a so called "innocent" kiss.

In fact, over the years several of you Cyrsti's Condo regulars have written in depth about their interactions with often intoxicated cis-men. All of a sudden your validation as a woman becomes a case of very unwanted attention.

From those instances we (as trans women) should learn what cis women understand from an early age. No, simply does not mean no to some men and it is very difficult to gracefully exit the situation.

Depending on how well you transition and where you go, unfortunately you may have to live through this distasteful business.

Be careful and don't become a statistic!

Wow!

It is not often I can find nothing to write about, even to the point of dredging up one of my 5200 plus old posts. I can often get ideas from other blogs or your comments. Today for some reason, not so much.

I have already written about looking ahead to the holidays and the fact I have another fun filled VA Hospital/Doctor's visit next week. Liz is off all next week and maybe she will take a break from her cleaning/cooking Thanksgiving ritual to go with me. :)

I am thinking about procrastinating a bit longer about putting my ancient old dog down. She (of course) is not getting any better, is blind and has a hard time moving at the age of 18. The whole prospect saddens me so much though, it is hard to do the right thing.

I wish I could write a cheery post about shaved legs and hose, but this blog has always been from the "heart" no pun intended, so I just can't. Plus I don't want to be "Debbie Downer" (I think I went to school with her.) So, I will say the sun is out, I have had my Cheerios and life is good.

There is no way, so many years ago when I started this journey, I would have thought I would end up here. I always thought I could put on my hose and heels and prance in front of a mirror and all would be well. It was for a day or a year until I started to go out in the world cross dressed and found I felt so natural I could not live without being a woman. It was about that time transgender began to be popularized and I began to consider the unthinkable...was I trans?

The rest, as they say was history and here I sit with hair down my back, my own breasts and hips starting to form. Exciting? You bet 'ya' but nothing to write home about everyday.

I guess I did have something to write about.

A Dog's Life

Yesterday, I mentioned the sad quandary I have found myself in with my companion of nearly eighteen years, my dog. She has reached the point where the only humane thing to do is to put her down. (Euthanize her.) I have always been a dog person and out of all the dogs I have had, she was most receptive to my feelings. Even to the point of coming over and laying with me during my lowest points. I am sure most of you have a dog story too, and here is Connie's:

"I'm sorry about your dog. That's a difficult decision to make on your part, but I imagine that it is also painful to see a friend in such distress.

The only dog I ever had was during my childhood. We got her just a couple of months before my father died of cancer when I was eight-years-old. I'm pretty sure the puppy was brought in to be a comfort for my little brother and me after the terminal illness took our father's life. For a few years, the dog was the only one who ever saw me cross dressed, and I took further comfort knowing that she didn't judge me at all. 

I was seventeen when my mother remarried a jerk who found the dog, not to mention my brother and me, a nuisance. I was so glad when I could get out of that house when I went away to college, and I'll admit that I was more concerned at the time about leaving my dog behind than I was my brother. When I returned home for the summer, my brother was there, but my dog was gone; "given away to a man with a farm." I never learned the whole truth, but that SOB was a sociopath who manipulated everyone with lies. My dog had more worth than did he.

I have a lucky buckeye! It was my grandmother's, and I found it among her jewelry in the safe deposit box after she died. I don't know how lucky it is for me, though, because my wife now wears the $40,000.00 diamond, while I'm just left with a nut. (lots of jokes and puns to be made from that!)

I'm curious to know your "100 yard dash" time. Would that be in heels, or not? :-)"

Sorry about your dog too and you are right about dogs not making a value judgement about how you are dressed.  They (dogs) definitely have move important things to worry about other than their owner being LGBT, transgender or a cross dresser! They need attention :).

As far as the "nut" joke goes, we hear the "worthless nut" slang around here. Usually after a loss and no, I don't have a 100 yard dash time! Plus I always walk it in my tennis shoes. Boring, I know! 

Be Careful What You Wish For?

Yesterday I went to a sparsely attended CrossPort meeting for transgender and cross dressed women. Probably due to to some intense summer heat, attendance was down.

All the attendee's were trans and at least on HRT except for one who was planning on starting soon. Two had already completed SRS.

One of the younger attendee's was commenting on a recent experience she had in which she has some off color comments from men and even butt grabbed. Most of the group viewed the experience as a rite of passage of sort. I think the differences are if the person viewed the experiences as a validation of their femininity or a form of bullying.  

The trans woman in question is in the process of transitioning well and in fact is almost undistinguishable  as a former man. And, as someone in the room pointed out, got her butt pinched because she had a "nice one." So much for the toxic male male influence leaving that person!

Another problem the person spoke of was the sudden friction she was experiencing between her formerly understanding wife and her. It seems (among other things) her job has turned around unexpectedly to the point of offering SRS insurance next year. So, perhaps, when push is coming to shove, the wife is feeling the pressure of losing her former husband to a totally attractive passable woman. Stressful to be sure for any relationship.

I'm sad, because together, they make a delightful couple but not one which is destined to go long term.

Plus, too many of us still put too much emphasis on looks. And, the specter of finding a mate for the rest of your life has to be intimidating for the average trans person. No matter how well they have transitioned.

So, be careful what you wish for. It could be within your grasp!

Transitioning 401

I am an out and proud trans woman and I spend time on occasion trying to figure out a logical reasoning system to get to how I got here. This time I decided to place it in an educational format and I am placing myself now at a 401 senior level course in my Mtf transition and working backwards. Sometimes I think I have reached levels high enough to be considered in a Masters Degree program and then again I am not.

It is tough to list all the other levels/courses I think I have been through, but one of the easier ways to see a few is to go back to some of my earliest posts here in Cyrsti's Condo. If you read them, you will see I spent what I feel now was an inordinate amount of time on what went into my cross dressing experience. Rather than the experience itself. Which leads me to the mirror phase.  

I know when I went through the mirror phase, when I couldn't get enough of my image and looked for a mirror no matter where I was. I flat out wore mirrors out! It took awhile to pass the course but when I did finally grow out of that phase, I moved into my 301 level approval courses.

During the approval period of my education, I found many people (women) wold be quick to compliment my appearance. What I didn't factor in was the unspoken "I looked good-for a man in a dress," Once I had it figured out, I wondered how long I wanted to be just a "man in a dress" and went into my transgender phase and set out to live my life as often as I could as a trans woman. I found quickly, there was a huge difference between looking good as a cross dressed man and a transgender woman seeking a level playing field in the world.

As far as time went, my trans phase lasted the least of the other levels but was by far (as you can guess) the most intense. It seemed that every waking moment of my life not tied in with work had to do with the exploration of the world as a trans woman. Or, if I made the move to transition, could I?

Part of my transgender level courses included labs. Or, the time I actually spent on going to the doctors and starting on hormone replacement therapy. I really wanted to push along my MtF gender transition.  It was about this time I made the Dean's List and completely began to feel comfortable in my new life   and decided to take it a step further, by updating  my gender markers and changing my name. Or as I call it, Transgender 401. (Living full time)

The next level if I ever decided to take it would be SRS surgery and I  would consider it a gender transition  Master's or even a Doctorate. As compelling as the "final step" may be, it's just something I don't think I need at this point of my life.

So, there you go, my own attempt to compress 50 plus years of transitioning into an educational format. I am sure some of you will have much more to add from your journey.

Damn Mailbox

As I have written numerous times here in Cyrsti's Condo, the trip to the mailbox was one of my first ventures into the world as a cross dressed boy. Of course I stressed forever it seemed to be able to make that trip into the world.

All these years later, some days it seems nothing has changed. Even now I think I have to make sure I apply the basics of makeup just to go to the mailbox. The difference these days is I have several very close neighbors (most know I am transgender I am sure by now.)

How odd is it the more things change, the more they stay the same!

Could I...Would I?

Around here, it's the time of the year when Girl Scouts jump up everywhere it seems to peddle their ubiquitous cookies. Including my granddaughter.

As I see them do it, I wonder how it must have been to have been able to join the Girl Scouts. Instead of my exceedingly short miserable stay in the Boy Scouts. Of course I will never know, just like not being able to take Home Economics in high school and learning to cook and sew, etc. Way before transgender, and LGBT were even words for the most part.

I believe now, the most important lesson I would have learned is how girls/young women interacted among themselves when boys were not present. Back in those days where I went to school, the genders were pretty much segregated. Girls to Home Ec, boys to Auto Mechanics. So of course I wanted to be in with the girls as a girl, not as a boy cross dressed as one.

Closets being what they were (and are still) I evaded much of the derision and bullying I would have had to put up with. I played sports, followed the college prep studies and went to proms. Or, I played the game enough to get by, get home and steal away some precious time to cross dress alone.

As time has a way of doing, it went so slow back then and seems like a blur now. Time though does not heal all, as I still wonder "what if." What if I had done more to express myself and had the courage to at least try to step out of the closet. I do know then, the life I had would have been seriously impacted under the harsh lights of an ignorant world.

So on and on I went and here I am finally where I wanted to be...almost. Yesterday was a good example of being called a "he" at one stop and treated like a star by a millennial at another.

Overall the "could" came true and the "would" provided me all I could ask for so far!

Don't I Know You?

Last weekend, one of the classic movie channels showed the movie Some Like it Hot with Tony Curtis, Jack Lemmons and Marilyn Monroe. The 1959 classic is based on Lemmons and Curtis trying to elude the Chicago Mob in drag after witnessing a hit.

Throughout the movie mostly Curtis who appeared more predominately as a man and woman was asked "Don't I know you?"

Which brings me to a point from my last post "Oh No She Didn't" when I mentioned being recognized when I was cross dressed before I went 24/7.

Taking the subject a bit further was Mandy Sherman:

Oh, but as we know, they CAN and WILL recognize you! 

IMHO the only way to"possibly" avoid it is to NOT wear your hair the normal way when dressed. Mine "is what it is." All the time. Dressed or androgynous. And I'm recognizable. I don't care... 

A couple of years ago, I went into a restaurant on the other side of the Chesapeake, about 60 miles from home (in a congested shopping area), fully femme. A safe thing to do, right? Ummm...not so much. Our current next door neighbors were having dinner there. Oops. And I didn't see them.

I'm still not sure if they got an eyefull...but they could have seen everything! They didn't say hello till AFTER I was seated, and they both were on the way to the potty before leaving. It's hard to hide earrings, painted nails and a skirt when you're trapped at a table in a restaurant.

Those same folks invited my wife and I to a party at their house later in the season. I was nervous, but nothing was said...so I'll never know for sure what they saw. Yes, they've seen me running around the house in one of my house-dresses, so they DO know...

The makeover I sat for a couple years ago proved that the only way to possibly "not" be recognized is a drastic change in hairstyle. I have long, dark, wavy and somewhat flyaway hair with dishwater blondish ends, and the wig the artist put on me was a dark chin length bob, rather short and with uniform color. (You can see it in my posts "The Marvelous Weekend", parts 1 through 3 from August of 2014) 

With that wig, even my own mother can't recognize me in a picture! Yes, Mom knows I dress and isn't overly fond of it, but with dementia she doesn't remember (though she normally does recognize me in pictures with my regular girl clothes...) Fortunately, the memory disappears before I hit the door on the way out.

Hang in there, girlfriend!

Mandy

Thanks Mandy! I have provided a link to her blog above :) As far as "hanging" goes, these days I try to not let the noose get too tight!

Oh No She Didn't!!!

I know I criticize many different people and ideas I run into here and there in Cyrsti's Condo, so this post I'm criticizing several of the more questionable decisions I have made over the years.

1.- Walking urban streets late at night by myself. Not only did I do it, but I was not dressed to NOT attract attention. I am lucky I got by with nothing major happening except paying out a few bucks to pan handlers once. It was back in the day when I used to patronize a couple gay venues. Very unsafe and not recommended- the reason you don't see cis women do it alone.

2.- Driving a couple cars which were very sketchy. They were safe...when they were running. One had an electric fuel pump which sporadically would cut out on it's own and the other a gas gauge which would decide to stick. Both of which caused me immense pain a number of times. Again, late at night.

Daisy Dukes

3.- Thinking I looked great in completely inappropriate clothes and then walking through the neighborhood. The worst was when I fashioned an old pair of jeans into "Daisy Dukes" shorts. While perhaps I had the legs back then, that was it. Plus with my stomach, I most certainly couldn't tie off my blouse and show any skin!

4.- Clown wigs. I went to a rather lengthy and expensive phase when I thought every time I was busted as a guy, my wig was to blame. Often it was because I was not patient enough to save my money for a good wig and/or listened to a wig salesperson who was just interested in a sale. Notable mistakes were long curly wigs in black, red and blonde. When they brushed out, they resembled Bozo the clown. Another platinum blonde straight wig I had would have looked great on a teen or twenty something, but was totally inappropriate for me. I wore it one day with an extremely short skirt prompting one of my bar tender friends to comment "A little over the top aren't we?"

5.- "Flashing Semi Trucks", or pulling my short skirt up to the maximum height showing as much nylon clad leg as I could as I slowly passed a truck. This could be expanded to just wearing the wrong outfit at the wrong time. A time when I thought being validated as a woman came from looking sexy (trashy) rather than passing from within.

6.-  Burning bridges, for the longest time I thought people couldn't recognize me if I was cross dressed which proved to be wrong.

There are so many more mistakes I made, I will have to think of them and write another post someday. But, in the meantime, here is a small list of the stupid things I did...and yes. I mean stupid.

I was fortunate to have been able to get out of the situations I found myself in as I grew to understand my transgender woman status.

Mo Halloween

This post is a small montage of comments I received from one of my Halloween posts. The first is from Paula in the UK:

"Although growing in popularity over here (UK) Halloween has not played a big part in development. However one band I play in is considering having a Pantomime themed concert when we will be asked to play in fancy dress. I rather like the idea of going as a "leading boy", Prince Charming in thigh boots sounds like fun!"

Thanks Paula! I think this is the time of year I neglect to mention how big of an occasion Halloween is in this country. It's right next to Christmas!

And from Connie:

"Hey, I just heard of a survey that concluded 50% of men shave their legs! What's this world coming to? :-)

I found out last Friday that the main accessory for my costume was put on back-order - rescheduled for delivery in November. I had to cancel the order and am now hurriedly trying to figure out what costume I can wear this weekend. Maybe this is my year of the slut look? Or, I could go as the Seahawks offense and be nothing...." (NFL reference to a Seattle offense struggling to score any points!)

Must be all those "metro-sexual" guys!

Plus it is Halloween week on TV, a great chance to sneak a peak or two at a cross dressed actor!

Full Moon (Archive Post)

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

A Night under the Full Moon!

In my youth, my family and I fished a lot. The waiting game was never one of my strong points but adjust I did.
Some believed if you fished on a full moon , you caught more fish.
To para phrase Alan Jackson's "It's Five O Clock Somewhere" tune, I was sitting under someone's full moon this weekend. (we were not under one) None the less, I caught a lot of fun.

Normally I try to stay out of the way. I hate to stay home, so I go out to be alone or socialize with a couple friends. Regardless, I've always considered my evenings out a fishing trip. Wait and see what happens.

Friday night I made my way into a real quiet little gay bar. I frequent it because it is small and quiet. About half way through my first beer a couple came in and sat a couple seats down at the bar. Very quickly they both were sizing me up and as close as I could tell, he was gay and she was his sister. Then the fun started.
The girl (a real one) was his friend and liberally intoxicated. She was a hairdresser/make up person by trade. Her credits included some stops in New York, San Fran and others. She was home and rowdy and soon setting next to me.

I was flattered that at first she thought I was "real". Then she told me " why would a single girl be hanging out in a gay bar." We exchanged names and drinks and it was time for the girl to girl smoke break  on the patio (Ohio is a non smoking state). She filled me in on her past and even offered to critique my "look".
Wow!

I loved it. Most of my make up passed except my lips (too much lipstick) and I got some great tips on my eyes.
Better yet, I got an  an offer to go with them to their next stop, a bigger club with a drag show. It's a club not known for it's support of the transgendered community.  In fact I really boycott the place except when I get an invitation like that night. (Yeah, I sold out)
The clientele is probably 95% gay male who don't have any reason to accept "girls" like me. I don't need acceptance but I don't need passive aggressive either.
Didn't matter, I had my engraved invitation. Walking in  with her and friend made a remarkable difference. He was as friendly to me as her so I had plenty of attention. Even from the performers who thought I used to perform with them. Wow.
All good things must come to an end however and I hung around for awhile when she got really wild. I headed out for a calmer finish to my evening.
What a great experience it was to get some real beauty hints and of course the great interaction!
Maybe some day I'll see her doing makeup or hair on a reality show!
I need the "full moons"  if my life is to be as exciting as some perceive it to be! If it was, I wouldn't be able to walk or talk. I would be exhausted. After all, we know our lifestyles on both gender coasts are SO exciting and decadent! Ha!
If I don't notice you on the sidewalk, I'm just on the outlook for a "full moon" Sorry!

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A Life in Gender Flux

Cyrsti's Condo "Potty Break"

Taking a much needed trip to the women's room has always been a tough post for me to write. For several reasons. 

1. Using the rest room of your chosen gender separates the casual "oh well" bystander into the not in my restroom you don't "separatist."
2. There are no hard and fast rules on rest room usage. Every time in the past when I came up with five, someone would come up with five more. All just as good.
3. Common sense is always a good way to start looking ahead for a potty. Obviously, using the rest room in an upscale bookstore is smarter than a redneck bar on a Friday night.
4. Any idea which "demographic" could give you the biggest fits? Over the years, mine has changed. Except- women in the 45+ age bracket seem to be the most negative to me. (Then again, they may hate the length of my hair or what I'm wearing and they are from the generation who grew up with the idea with the restroom being a place to hide, fix make up/hair and gossip-let alone pee.)
5. Don't panic and don't run. Remember in most establishments these days, staff and management may be trained to deal with a transgender person-in fact embrace us.

OK, I know those are very broad strokes but as I wrote, many of you have your own- based on where you go and how many times. I do believe though, I am seeing more and more unisex restrooms. After all, it makes economic sense for a new business or public building to build in unisex restrooms.

Ancient  Cross Dressing "ego" selfie from a woman's bathroom

And, oh yes, can't resist-I haven't seen Caitlin Jenner even discuss or consider the idea-then again too-she could build her. Or, take a "Porta Potty" behind her motor home.

Married in Moscow

My only question about this picture of  Alison Brooks (left) with new husband Alina Davis (Dmitry Kozhukhov) after their wedding in Moscow some time ago-was Putin the best man?


Plus, I dooooo love the wedding gowns!!!

Cyrsti's Condo "White Satin"

All right Jim! You look great but what is your sister going to say about you wearing her wig and dress and your Dad missing his liquor? And-Oh by the way-I just heard the garage door open!

What if I Knew Then?

It's very difficult for me to believe how long ago it was when I set out on my MtF gender transition journey. I ask myself on occasion, if I knew then what I know now, would I do it?

Well, first off, I didn't really have a choice. I could have continued with my life-lying to myself and others about who I really am. Unlike so many others though (and myself for years), I had a door out of my own personal gender hell.

Give or take a few months, I think it has been five years since my decision. Not just pursuing HRT, but deciding to toss my male self in the dumpster.  In those days, I think I was out and about crossdressed three days a week back then. Out of all the blind curves I can expected to run into, my biggest transition surprise so far is seeing a feminine version of myself everyday.  My problems come from looking back at how far I have come, how far I have to go and what is the ceiling? What will I think of this post five years from now?

I have to tell you that although I can (and do) all the fun girly stuff like color my hair and do my nails. What I dreamed of years ago has become part of my daily existence these days.

Before you run off with misconceptions of about what I just wrote, in no way would I trade my spot in life today. Also, I can substitute "fun" for "enjoy." My example comes from last weekend when Liz and I were going to the Essex Studio's Art Walk here in Cincinnati. Earlier in the day, I had a chance to wash my hair which always brings out my natural waves and curls with a little mousse. I also had a chance to take off my old nail polish and put on a fresh coat of a new color which actually was a close match with my jewelry choice that evening. Finally, I picked an outfit which I thought was comfortable, a bit upscale and ideal for the occasion.

Certainly, five years ago, the day was just a fantasy I had of what a portion of my life would/could be like. The difference now is the planning and upkeep I need to do to stay up with it. Plus, coming into the Spring/Summer months, I will have to be more aware of my hair removal.  So, even though generics around me for years have gleefully told me "Welcome to our world."-that's all and good until you have to walk a mile in your shoes. That reminds me, I need a new pair of women's tennis shoes for the spring!  They certainly weren't on my shopping list five years ago.

Wedding Surprise "Gifts?"

Well, I suppose this is as good a time as any to announce to all of you-I have a little surprise for the groom!!!